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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"a full time mum"

293 replies

DuelingFanjo · 01/03/2010 18:36

said whatsername on Relocationthingy.

Surely you're still a full time mum if you work. You're stull a mum anyway. no?

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 08/03/2010 12:57

That's true runny. But you have to admit there are some ferociously anti-WOHM MNers who do think all those things. I've come across them many times. Not to mention the 'I don't beleive any mothers really have to go out to work if they cut back a bit' brigade.

In RL not so many but there was the old lady who lived next to me who told me I was having another baby 'for someone else to bring up' and people like my mum and MIL who basically said I couldn't provide as good an upbringing when i was at work. So yes, forgive me if I am a little sensitive on the subject .

Strix · 08/03/2010 12:58

Absolutely, PSCMUM!

And, to be fair, those with whom I sympathise most are the full time working full time mums (or dads) who have no spouse/partner to help. Now, they are towers of strength to which I can only aspire.

PSCMUM · 08/03/2010 13:09

i have done both - been a SAHM and ful time working career bitch mum. You may well want to smack me when I say this, but the SAHM-years were SO MUCH EASIER! but a lot more tedious and poverty stricken too. So whilst I have my moments of wishing i could potter around at home and clean all those hard to reach corners of the kitchen floor, i actually prefer the working life. most of the time. i think. ! o the dilemmas!

runnybottom · 08/03/2010 13:23

I agree Orm, but I don't think they are shy about saying so. You don't need to subtley infer, they smack you with a brick!
I don't think that has anything to do with the labels though. People will always have an opinion, no matter what terminology you want to use.
Imagine the comments I get..I don't spend all my time with my children, but I don't earn any money when I abandon them to others! I'm the worst of all...but I don't give a flying fuck what any one else thinks (most of the time)

PSCMUM · 08/03/2010 15:33

runnybottom

ChippingIn · 09/03/2010 03:55

'They just don't have a job too so can focus more on the perfect fish finger'

'...So whilst I have my moments of wishing i could potter around at home and clean all those hard to reach corners of the kitchen floor...'

PSCMUM - you really do have a bitchy streak don't you.

nooka · 09/03/2010 05:40

If someone asked me what I do I'd never say I am a mother (of any description), because that is part of what/who I am, not what I do. If someone said tell me about yourself, then being a mother would be one of the things I'd talk about (although I'd be more likely to talk about the children in that context than my role toward them). If someone asked me if I was a full time mother I think I'd think they were rather strange, as I have been and will be a mother from the moment my children were born until I (or they) die, it's not something you can take time off from. When dh and I separated and had shared care I was still a mother when they were with their dad and vice versa, even though that is the only time I could really have described myself as a part-time mother.

dh seems perfectly happy to be described as a SAHD, and if asked what he does he will say he looks after the children. I think it would be slightly odd to call him a full-time father, and I don't know how the other fathers would react. I think they might think him rather odd. But then again they probably do that anyway - nothing to do with how he spends his days though, that they mostly envy, as it involves lot of time playing video games . As our children are both at school now, perhaps he should describe himself more accurately as a dog walker/puppy carer? It all seems a bit pedantic to me.

onadietcokebreak · 10/03/2010 21:49

nooka fantastaic post!

CarrieDaBabi · 10/03/2010 21:54

stay at home mother is not accurate when your always out.
i think ft mum describes the job/what you do imo.

i don't get the hump when someone calls themselves working mother, as i don't work.

don't be so touchy

maxpower · 10/03/2010 22:01

I remember being massively pissed off when expecting my DD, when my (ignorant pain in the arse) FIL asked me when I was going to be the baby's mum, as I'd said I wasn't going to give up work. Interestingly, I don't think he said the same to his daughter who's currently on maternity leave....

scottishmummy · 10/03/2010 22:14

navel-gazing-up-arseiccus-tosh.all mums are mums.such puerile differentiation is pointless

i work ft - i am mum
others study/sahp- still mum

CarrieDaBabi · 10/03/2010 22:28

anyone who gets offended by the term clearly has a HUGE chip on their shoulder.

it does seem to be the general, used term in RL

Ellokitty · 10/03/2010 23:28

Haven't read the whole thread, but I think the problem with the term 'Full time mum" kind of implies that mothers who work are not 'full time' or somehow stop being mums when they go to work. Of course this is not true.

But it seems to imply that to be a 'full time mum' you have got to be with your child all the time.

However, I would be interested to know how this applies to school aged children. Obviously, the mother is not there all the time for that child - so does it mean that SAHMs of school aged children are also 'part time mums?' Are they happy accepting this title?

I would also love to know where I stand... I work term time only, school hours only. So for my DD1 (who is at school), I am there for her 100% of the time she is not in school - therefore, would I class as a full time mum? I'm there as much as any SAHM mum.

But for my DD2, I work mornings, so she needs to have childcare... so for her I am only a part time mum?? How can I be both a full time and a part time mum at the same time?? The only way round this seems to be to say that you only count as a full time mum if your child is with you 100% of the time... therefore, any mum of school / preschool aged children cannot qualify to be a full time mum.

The other question I would ask is how we classify mums who are SAHM, but choose to put their children in nursery / with a child minder 1 or 2 days a week. Are they full time mums?

I think the term Full time mum is useless, and actually says nothing at all... we need a term that actually describes the status of mothers, and what they do, because I am actually with my DD2 (despite working part time) far more than one SAHM mum I know of a same aged child, because she chooses to use a nursery to allow her to go to the gym / allows her child to socialise.

The term 'full time mum' is unquantifiable and so totally meaningless.

sanielle · 11/03/2010 14:36

Won't read all the comments on this one, but just thought you might find this interesting. I used to work in car insurance.

Woman rings up.

What do you for living?

I'm unemployed.

Straight decline, sorry computer says no.

But what I couldn't tell her even though I knew she was married..was that if she were to call back and say homemaker.. We would love her business! Surely they both mean the same thing but because unemployed has a negative connotation no one wants to say it.

poutine · 16/03/2010 10:58

sanelle, to be considered unemployed you have to be looking for a job.

poutine · 16/03/2010 10:59

sorry, sanielle!

DiamondDoris · 19/01/2011 11:22

It would be good not to have to define yourself by whether you are at home with children or in paid employment. But the terms "unemployed" and "housewife" and "domestic engineer" are worse. The term "SAHM" sounds like you're lazy (eventhough that's certainly not the case!). So, for me, ftm is the only option. At the end of the day we are all mothers and we all love our children, whether we work full-time, part-time, working-from-home or in the home.

DameShirleyKnot · 19/01/2011 11:24

What the jeff?

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