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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"a full time mum"

293 replies

DuelingFanjo · 01/03/2010 18:36

said whatsername on Relocationthingy.

Surely you're still a full time mum if you work. You're stull a mum anyway. no?

OP posts:
sarah293 · 02/03/2010 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

posieparker · 02/03/2010 13:24

I would be shocked if anyone with a job replied full time Mum to the question what do you do....

Which says it all really.

corriefan · 02/03/2010 13:27

It doesn't bother me at all as it's obvious what it means. Only someone with guilt would find something to get offended about in there.
I actually think it's a nice phrase for something that can be a very hard slog particularly with very young children- unpaid full time work. Paid employment can be a lot easier!
I was with a woman who was asked the other day what she did and she just said "nothing" as she didn't work but it didn't say anything about the fact that she has 2 kids she looks after- one with severe special needs.

McDreamy · 02/03/2010 13:27

Does it really matter? Obviously I guess or this thread wouldn't have 152 responses!

I think the term "full time mum" is about how the mother spends her time rather than a reflection on how much of a mother she is.

I am a full time mum - I spend all my time looking after my children. My older children go to school and my DD stays at home with me 24/7 - full time/all of the time. I may in the future go back to work when I won't describe myself as a full time mum but if course I will still be their mother all of time, I just won't spend all of my time physically being a carer for them.

sarah293 · 02/03/2010 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmRenewed · 02/03/2010 13:28

Jeez....why are people being so rude about this

It's not a question of being offended. It's just inaccurate.

LittleMrsHappy · 02/03/2010 13:29

Good grief, what is their to be so pretentious about, your a mum irrespective of whether your working or not, irrespective off your "career", Im sure my headstone is not going to say, social worker laid here, Im sure it will be loving mum to dc's!

knowmyrights · 02/03/2010 13:29

Love the way these threads degenerate.

When I worked full-time after having ds1 I didn't mind someone else calling themselves full-time mum, I was just glad someone else was doing all the sicky, poo-ey bits of motherhood while I carved out a glorious career for myself. That was meant to be ironic by the way, before I get accused of being up myself.

Now sat here at the kitchen table on MN er I mean caring for ds2 and ds3 who are both sicky and poo-ey today, I have to ask myself where it all went right!

I just asked ds1 what I should call myself instead and he suggested "professional genius"

jellybeans · 02/03/2010 13:30

I find people are fine if I say full time mum when asked. Yes you are always a mum, even when you work, BUT the term full time means the child needs full time care and you are doing it. It explains why you are not in paid work. For working mums who also call themselves full time mums, you wouldn't describe your own mother as being your full time mum would you? Assumably you don't need someone else to care for you full time as an adult but a small child would need someone.

EggyAllenPoe · 02/03/2010 13:32

i would quite like

'full time mum, part time Master Spy..'

McDreamy · 02/03/2010 13:32

Riven what a fab response that would be!

satc2bringiton · 02/03/2010 13:32

You could call me whatever the fuck you'd like, so long as I could give up work

Morloth · 02/03/2010 13:32

I am knocked up at the moment, so really am a full time mum, can't get away from the little bugger no matter how hard I try...

jellybeans · 02/03/2010 13:33

Does it bother you because it is (in your eyes)'inaccurate' or because you find it offensive? It is a phrase which is becoming more widely used I have found.

loobylu3 · 02/03/2010 13:33

I don't think that anyone really misunderstands the term 'full time mum'. I think what orm and others object to is the possible implications.
Being a 'mum' is part of your status like being female, married, straight, etc. Some people do use 'FTM' to imply that WOHM are not being full time mums and are therefore less virtuous mothers. As I mentioned a little earlier, that is what my colleague was implying to me and I found it irritating. He described his wife as a 'full time mum' in comparison to myself (a part time working mother). In actual fact, his wife has all school aged children at school from 8 til 5pm or so while I had/ have at least one pre-schooler and the children spend less hours at school, so I therefore spend more time 'mothering' than she does anyway. In those circumstances, the term 'FTM' is being stretched a little!

OrmRenewed · 02/03/2010 13:33

I actually think the term is a bit daft anyway. No-one is always mother to the exclusion of everything else. Presumably you stop being a 'mum' by this definition if you take half an hour to go for a coffee with a friend, or go to an evening class?

LittleMrsHappy · 02/03/2010 13:34

Marloth, I hate that term "knocked up" its sounds so degrading to a woman, as its usually a mans phrase.

Morloth · 02/03/2010 13:36

I have always used Knocked Up, sums it up nicely. Can't stand "Preggers" or "Preggo" though.

Am quite hard to degrade.

gorionine · 02/03/2010 13:37

""I disagree with gorionine aswell. I do plenty during the day as a 'housewife' thank you very much! I don't have a cleaner, I do everything myself so I'm certainly not a regular Jeremy Kyle or This Morning viewer, don't have a great deal of time for all that in the mornings. Too busy keep the place in order! I do have the luxury of resting when I want, but I make sure a certain amount of tasks get done before enjoying that luxury."" I can only talk about how I pecieve things. I feel better in the skin of a full time mum than the one of a housewife. It ios not meant to be derogatry for being a housewife as ultimatly I am one too. I think it is just an individual perception thing and we should be able to answer the "what do you do?" question with whatever is both accurate and makes us happy.

BTW I did not realise that anyone reding my post could assume that I had a cleaner I most definitely do not have one.

LittleMrsHappy · 02/03/2010 13:38

lol, Ive only ever heard it from a mans view point, so maybe thats why, I also hate preggers or bun in the oven etc... I have no idea why, I normally just say pregnant lol.

Morloth · 02/03/2010 13:39

LOL, did you notice gorionine that two people disagreed with the "housewife" title but for completely opposite reasons?

I am not a housewife because I sit on my arse and don't do any housework. The other poster was saying she was not a housewife because she does do housework and doesn't sit on her arse.

plus3 · 02/03/2010 13:41

I'm aspiring idle rich

Morloth · 02/03/2010 13:41

I haven't really heard many people use it here in the UK at all LittleMrsHappy is pretty standard in Oz.

displayuntilbestbefore · 02/03/2010 13:41

"I think what orm and others object to is the possible implications. "

But where are the implications coming from? No "SAHMs" on here are saying that if you work you aren't a proper mum.
Why would you think that a SAHM being referred to as a full time mum makes you less of a mother if you work? Unless you feel bad about working and wish you could spend more time at home with your children, why would that term bother you?

MisSalLaneous · 02/03/2010 13:42

I think people, myself included, worry too much about titles.