to think I will have whatever type of wedding, wherever I like!!

[lilylu22]

DP and I have begun discussing the details of our impending wedding.

We have decided we would like a private ceremony (just us and my sister, his brother). We would also like to hold the wedding in Australia where I am from. We would rent out a huge house for all DP's family to stay in for the week - and to hold our reception / party.

We fully understand many people may not want to travel all the way out, but we feel this is really what we'd like to do - and if we did otherwise we would regret it..

MIL is incensed. She truly believes DP 'wants' a church wedding (she is very religious) 'with everyone watching', despite his insistence he is in no way religious or wants that! Also, she has a fear of flying and says it is selfish of us to hold it out there. However, my parents and all my friends live there - and would be unlikely to want to travel to London for our wedding (whereas Australia at the beach seems an appealing destination to DP's guests!)...

Are we being unreasonable? I am truly unsure...

What a ridiculous over reaction sassybeast

So your parents aren´t willing to be together for the ceremony but would for the party?

It's not that they are not close enough friends though. I love my mum to pieces but I am a very private person and can understand where the OP is coming from. I don't even tell my partner I love you on the phone when in one room with my mum. I know it's silly but different people, different things they feel comfortable with. And depending on how you do the vows they can be pretty personal. Doesn't have to be, like some one else suggested sexual, but still too personal to say in front of other people

But surely it's the ceremony that is the celebration of your love, not some party afterwards? So I do think that anyone who genuinely wants to celebrate your union would be upset to miss the ceremony and probably not give two hoots about a party (let alone one on the other side of the world).

How was sassybeast overreacting? Also, OP, if you want a private wedding, why are you content to have a sibling there each?

But it's not a private thing lilylu because you are expecting people to fly over to join your for a party afterwards?
You want your cake and to eat it - you want the private ceremony and are not prepared to make any concessions even for parents yet you also want everyone to whoop and cheer and make a fuss of you at a celebratory party?

If you let Wedding tv's Bridezillas film you in the lead up to the big day you could probably earn enough money to fly over all your relatives

I don't get this whole 'you must pander to everyone else' thing. It their wedding , it's about them so however they want to do it, is how they will do it. Why should they safrice their happiest day, for the sake of others happiness??

I also agree with the poster who said that excluding parents from the ceremony because OPs parents don´t get on or whatever is awful.

Who is paying for the ceremony/celebration if you don't mind me asking OP?

Gerontious - I think Battykoda has a secret web cam and saw the steam coming out my ears, the gnashing of the teeth and the wailing as I threw myself prostrate on the ground in anguish Or maybe she's still smarting cos I didn't agree with her on the babymilk in bed thread

Off to have some valium and lie down in a darkened room whilst I wait for Battykodas apology for her ridiculous over reaction

Inviting parents to the ceremony isn't "sacrificing their happiest day" really, is it?

But it's not 'pandering' to everyone else
It is considering the feelings of some pretty important people in their lives
That's the way I prefer to live my life, and try to put myself in the other person's place to consider how I would feel if similar was done to me.
I would be heartbroken as a mother if my son and DIL did not want me at their wedding, and said in the same breath that they had a valued relatioship with me

Well apparently for them it is? Can;t really argue with that if that's how they feel

Well if you want to talk about being pandered to, I would say asking people to fly to Australia for a party is just that.

Thought you were hiding the thread sassybeat. Had no idea you were on the baby milk thread.

It is if they have to sacrifice their dream wedding gerontius.

Really feel for your MIL - I would be heartbroken if any of my DC chose to go and live on the other side of the world for good.

She's scared of flying, so she's not going to be visit you for holidays whenever she can.

She's not going to see her grandchildren much, if you plan to have children once you're married (I'm assuming you don't have any yet - not sure why I've assumed that?).

Batty - I really didn't want dc's at my wedding but I had them because I knew it would cause problems in my DH's family if I didn't.

In marrying him I was becoming part of his family too and wanted to establish good relationships.

I hate all this 'its my day' stuff - reminds me of a toddler shouting 'mine'.

But anyway OP have a lovely wedding and maybe talk your DH round about the vows thing.

They have asked, people can say no ?

Compromise is the secret to a good relationship
[wisely backs away from the thread]

I would think most people wouldn´t have a choice but to say no.

I'm not saying that the MIL should just suck it up, I do feel for her, but she has to accept that what you want goes, and it's massivley unreasonable for her to be pushing a church wedding on you if thats not what you want.

Do agree with batty re. the church wedding bit - mil can't force that.

So your parents don't get on, but there not the ones travelling all that way whereas your MIL is, why don't you have your
IL & PIL be witnesses instead of your siblings?

Changed my mind Batty - it's quite amusing watching you have a massive over reaction