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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel really sad about what this young mum said?

220 replies

CathyBurns · 22/02/2010 10:24

I don't know this girl well, just know her through someone else - but she's young (late teens) and pg with first baby

she said to her friend "Ugh, no, I won't be breastfeeding, XXX (partner) hates it, he says it's gross and like an animal"

who are these people who think like this? Where has it come from?

OP posts:
posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:11

Actually I do give the NSPCC a direct debit every month and have done so for six and a half years.

A friend of mine chose not to because she was pigeon chested, good reason.

Another chose to FF because she found the struggle with it the first time contributed to her PND, good reason.

A woman who chooses not to because it's a bit icky...needs educating.

posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:12

I never mentioned 'bad parents'. I simply think it's an odd choice born out of ignorance.

tethersend · 22/02/2010 17:13

I'm very glad you do, posie, so do I

Please tell me who would judge the reasons though?

tethersend · 22/02/2010 17:14

Gah. I don't think it's an 'odd choice', I donate to NSPCC.

x post

FioFio · 22/02/2010 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:20

I don't understand that point of view...if we all bf, if it was normal in our families and friend groups we'd all do it.

posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:21

Noone has to justify it to me, I never ask...

tethersend · 22/02/2010 17:23

But you said that people should have 'very very good' reasons not to?

posieparker · 22/02/2010 17:25

good reasons will do!

fishie · 22/02/2010 17:39

if everyone hadn't swallowed the line that formala is equal to breastmilk it wouldn't be such an issue - attitudes like that in the op would be laughed at and people would have the information they need to make informed choice which i doubt happens now.

tethersend · 22/02/2010 18:32

Who judges whether or not they are good reasons, posie?????

Who on earth gets to say to a new mother "No, that's not a good enough reason, get your tits out"????

tethersend · 22/02/2010 18:33

Apologies for the amount of question marks there; I came over all unnecessary.

thesecondcoming · 22/02/2010 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bathsheba · 22/02/2010 18:53

My Dh is 40, and I'm 39 and he was incredibly unsupportive of my desire to bf dd3 (who is now 5 weeks) - not because "it was gross" but because "it doesn't work, you can't do it, and its just some obsessive quest you are on to prove something".

My Mum, a very well qualified nurse, agreed with him.

Neither of these people are young but it meant I could only feed whilst I was in hospital and had to give up when I came home.

posieparker · 22/02/2010 18:54

I was talking about the girl's attitude, it seemed very young....some girls are not old enough to be mothers, what's shocking about that. I do not think every woman has to breastfeed and I think it has nothing to do with whether or not she's a good parent, but I find the attitude of not even trying without a biological or psychological reason rather alien. Why is this point of view so shocking?

I never ask anyone how they feed their baby.

I'm not sure anyone decent human being says 'get your tits out'.

posieparker · 22/02/2010 18:55

Bathsheba that's really awful.

posieparker · 22/02/2010 18:56

The thing is about choices like bf not to bf, it's not about anyone telling women that they must do it....but it would be better if they chose to bf.

Bathsheba · 22/02/2010 19:03

My HV has been brilliant - when I was sobbing all over her last week she made me see that what I had done, in stopping bf-ing and moving to ff was a bigger, braver choice to do for my family - my priority is to keep my family together and this was an issue that really could have torn us apart - so if anyone thinks I made an easy, lazy choice I actually made a very very hard choice to go against what I wanted to do for the greater good of my family.

thesecondcoming · 22/02/2010 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tethersend · 22/02/2010 19:05

Posie, are you deliberately disowning your previous post?

"It is ridiculous to have a baby growing and kicking inside and not want to breastfeed, without a very very good reason."

Why is it ridiculous?

Who judges the reason?

I embellished my point with the 'tits out' comment- didn't attribute it to you.

thesecondcoming · 22/02/2010 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 22/02/2010 19:20

she will encounter hv,gp all of whom can discuss her options with her.hopefully she will then make an informed decision about how she wants to feed her own baby

posieparker · 22/02/2010 19:24

Honestly, talk about pinning any crap on anyone you can find thesecondcoming...
Actually people like Posie would never advocate that a mother who finds bf too difficult to continue should carry on, or that women that are under pressure from friends and family should bf and wreck other relationships, people like posie is saddened that to bf isn't the first choice for many many women. People like Posie would like to see women try to bf because they want to. Now you can continue to try to make my point of view more draconian and rigid, but you will be wrong.

The point is that women should be, without the intervention of formula, terrible public tutting at the sight of a breast, over sexualised views of the breast, happy to breastfeed. Not that women should be made to bf even if it makes them unhappy....

tethersend: we procreate because our bodies tell us to, we can grow a baby inside of our bodies and feel it wriggle around, we watch our bodies change and we give birth which means our vaginas stretching as we scream and shout and then we feel weird about breastfeeding the baby that will seek out a nipple....it's odd.

thesecondcoming · 22/02/2010 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

posieparker · 22/02/2010 20:08

If you're going down that route TSC, then whether I think they should/shouldn't has nothing to do with you....apparently you think my opinion is your business.