Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For hating this teen phrase?

216 replies

Enchilada81 · 13/02/2010 09:00

Didn't put it in the subject header incase it offended anyone!

But basically DS has gotten into the habit of saying "spaz" a lot. For instance when DS2 couldn't get the PC working and then realised it wasn't plugged in DS1 said "you spaz!" etc.

I told him off and asked him not to say it but I think they're saying it that often at school it comes out too naturally.

When DS's friend was here the other night, DS was messing around and his friend said "come on, don't be a spaz"

Another variation is spaz attack. For instance "oh mum it was so funny in history today, everyone was messing around and Mr Smith ended up just having a total spaz attack!"

And now I've just seen on facebook he and some other teens on my friend list have joined a group called "Having a dream about falling over and then having a total spaz attack in my bed"

Am I over-reacting? should I still try and stop him even though it seems they're all saying it?

OP posts:
shonaspurtle · 13/02/2010 23:27

I don't think the US are further down the line when it comes to using words in mainstream conversation that are very offensive to people with disabilities.

They're about 100 miles behind. Imo.

"Retard" is widely acceptable there in a way that it just isn't here.

Anyway, children not knowing what it means is no excuse. We know what these words mean. We can pass that information on when we hear them being used. Then they know.

I'm of the generation that remembers Joey Deacon on Blue Peter and used Joey as an insult. I am heartily ashamed. Ds will not grow up to be so ignorant if I have anything to do with it.

MyHouseIsASquashAndASqueeze · 13/02/2010 23:27

I didn't bloody say that 2shoes. I'm not saying it SHOULDN'T be offensive, just that for lots of reasons there may come a time when it ISN'T considered offensive (as is the case in the US).

I'm not telling you you can't be offended, what I am saying is that other people (e.g. in the US) don't find it offensive because the meaning of the word has evolved and that may well happen here at some point in the future, I don't believe it's near that point yet.

SparklyGothKat · 13/02/2010 23:28

DS1 has been called a S and a R, he came out of school in tears.

Its insulting and disgusting tbh

2shoescoveredinhearts · 13/02/2010 23:30

but I don't live in the USA, that is why I don't get that arguement,
I wasn't having a go at you personally, just that I don't think it is a good comparison.
it is always used on these threads

edam · 13/02/2010 23:30

found this about brainstorm from 2003 but it doesn't say who was claiming 'brainstorm' was offensive or why. Although it does point out that the National Society for Epilepsy thinks it's rubbish, after checking with people with epilepsy.

MyHouseIsASquashAndASqueeze · 13/02/2010 23:31

"I don't think the US are further down the line when it comes to using words in mainstream conversation that are very offensive to people with disabilities."

I'm not referring to the amount of respect they show people with disabilities, really just that one particular word "spaz" has evolved to a point where it is no longer widely considered offensive in that country.

shonaspurtle · 13/02/2010 23:32

I had "disability etiquette" training and was told that Special Needs was offensive and should not be used (Additional Support Needs was the term to be used instead).

I was a bit because it seems to be well accepted here, but that was what they said.

(It was all based round the Social Model of disability, and interestingly there were disagreements between two of the presenters, both of whom had disabilities, as to what some acceptable terms are. Was very interesting though.)

2shoescoveredinhearts · 13/02/2010 23:33

but it is offensive here.
just because they are way behind us does not mean it is ok

SparklyGothKat · 13/02/2010 23:34

My DH went mad when his sister sent him a text joke with the R word in it.. he was disgusted that someone so close to him and Ds1 and DD1 could even find it funny to pass it on.

MyHouseIsASquashAndASqueeze · 13/02/2010 23:36

2shoes
"but I don't live in the USA, that is why I don't get that arguement,"

That's because it would be a shit argument if I was using it that way. But I'm not. I'm not arguing that it shouldn't be offensive because other people don't find it offensive, more musing on the way words change because that really interests me. Some words become more offensive over time, others less so. That's why some of the older generation sometimes sound racist (IME) when they're just using the terms that they grew up with and accepted.

2shoescoveredinhearts · 13/02/2010 23:37

i use special needs,
but I know some people hate that, I use disabled but have been told I should say impairment!!!
I don't get additional needs as even a non disabled person can have those,

SparklyGothKat · 13/02/2010 23:38

I use Special Needs too.

edam · 13/02/2010 23:40

Thing about special needs is horrid teenagers (and adults, shamefully) have started to use 'special' as an insult. I was at a dinner party with a teacher, FFS, who went on about one of her pupils being a bit 'special' while pulling a face...

No idea what can be done about it, apart from finding new words every time the fuckers turn the current non-discriminatory word into an insult.

MyHouseIsASquashAndASqueeze · 13/02/2010 23:40

See it is all about context. I've heard people using the word "special" or "special needs" a hell of a lot more offensively than I've heard others use the word "spaz".

In a professional context "special needs" is out of date. Additional support needs/specific difficulty/disability are terms that are much more likely to be used.

shonaspurtle · 13/02/2010 23:41

That was their argument - that everyone has additional needs. The additional needs of a disabled person are not special.

But their whole theory is that people aren't disabled as such, society disables them.

There was a long discussion between the two presenters about "person with a disability" vs "disabled person". They disagreed on which should be used.

Lots of good stuff though, it wasn't all to do with semantics.

2shoescoveredinhearts · 13/02/2010 23:42

MyHouseIsASquashAndASquee.I get that, but the way words like spazz are being used now are making it even more offensive.
the problems is that teens are so good at mocking, if they arn't stopped they become adults that mock.
imo it is about time that the law was tightened up and the use of these words was treated in the same way as racism.

2shoescoveredinhearts · 13/02/2010 23:43

"But their whole theory is that people aren't disabled as such, society disables them."

you see i have never got that.
even if a whole building was accessible, dd would still be disabled.

SparklyGothKat · 13/02/2010 23:44

I saw on my cousin's FB wall the other day this message from one of her friends

'saw you trying to get on MSN all night, was it spazzing again?'

It defo more commonplace nowadays, doesn't make it right though

BrahmsThirdRacket · 13/02/2010 23:47

I have noticed that in American films and TV shows, and even once on The Thick of It which is British and written by some clever people, 'retard' is widely used as a mild term of abuse, on a similar level to 'asshole', and it is in these programmes being said by people who are not even supposed to be particularly bad. Cannot imagine 'paki' being used in a similar way, even in a black comedy. It just normalises it.

shonaspurtle · 13/02/2010 23:47

Maybe schools should do this (maybe they do already) - get disabled people along to talk about disability and how what they say/do causes offence.

I do think that having someone there saying "you offend me when you..." was very powerful.

2shoescoveredinhearts · 13/02/2010 23:49

sadly a lot of people like dd can't talk.

CardyMow · 14/02/2010 02:09

My DD (almost 12yo) came home and told me about her form tutor having an epi fit about her friend not getting her diary signed. She said it like it was a phrase she used every day in conversation with her friends. What made me even more is the fact that both me and HER have epilepsy. After being with her, I actually found out that it hadn't even occured to her the meaning behind the phrase, and she got annoyed at HERSELF for being derogatory to herself IYSWIM. SHe now explains it's meaning to her firends, and why it's not such a nice thing to say...I would NOT accept 'spaz' 'retard' 'moron' 'paki' or 'gay' as insults. Besides, DD now appears to have found much better words for those situations...(not in what she thinks is MY hearing range, I might add)...like twat, and wanker. I think a lot of teenagers just don't even realise the connotations behind what they're saying, and most of them, once it's explained to them, are at themselves.

CardyMow · 14/02/2010 02:17

The brainstorm thing...NOT derogatory. Was discussed to death on Forum4E a few years ago. General concensus of hundreds of people with epilepsy. Including me. And I use SN/SEN when talking about my dc's. And disabled when I talk about myself. All the wheelchair ramps in the world won't stop my seizures. Or make someone in a wheelchair magically get up and walk. Or make a deaf person hear. I think that until being derogatory towards disabilities is made illegal, this will go on and on. You get into a lot of trouble if you are homophobic or racist, yet it is fine to taunt a person with disabilities with impugnity? Just look at the case of that poor lady and her daughter who were terrorised by local 'yoofs'. If the 'yoofs' had been chanting racist terms, they would have been locked up a darn site sooner. Why is it OK in our society for this to happen?

CardyMow · 14/02/2010 02:21

Oh and as for 'window-licker'...YUK! I hear that from someone, then I automatically terminate friendship, be it fb or RL.

Goblinchild · 14/02/2010 09:09

Let's take it back to the basic rule my son has. If you insult him, he hits you.
Simple, uncomplicated and perfectly aligned.
His best friend is a flappy Aspie who used to be taunted and teased, called retard and accused of having spaz attacks when he was driven into meltdown. Then he made friends with DS. And suddenly, over a half term, the bullying became a trickle and stopped.
Cause and effect.
That's the consequence of free choice in how you treat someone. I have several friends and acquaintances who have never been called paki or nigger for the same reason. Too dangerous for the witty little individual to risk.
Do you really think that it's the best way to run a society and bring up your children?
Let's provide all the CP children with tazers then.