To just not 'get the 'daily flying' lists which include things like "Had a shower.." ?

[Chablis]

Firstly, yes, I know IABU, but seriously, can someone explain why people make these long lists of things which include "put the dishwasher on" or "ate breakfast" or "cleaned teeth" as if they are some kind of major achievements on a to-do list?

Surely these are just things you do automatically, as part of living, non?

Surely it takes as long to type these things down, as it does to do them?

So what's the point? Seems a sort of self-delusion of leading a busy, productive lifestyle?

Isn't it all a bit, well, meh?

If you're clinicallly depressed, having a shower might be your only acheivemtn in a day. and I believe flylady was started by a depressive

what lists?

although personally would award self a medal or two if I managed shower, dishwasher AND clean teeth before work

well I find it helps to have stuff on the list I know I will do but still need to be done as it gets me motivated when I see things being crossed off gradually.

"flylady was started by a depressive " - really? That's interesting.

or maybe I'm delusional and do nothing with my time really

They help a lot of people.
I used to go on the slatterns list and it was a big help for me.
Maybe it is not a major achievement to you but it helped me get back on track.

Chablis - I agree.

I do not feel remotely critical of those groups, or snobbish or anything like that.

But I can't see how they would help me get on top of the chaos that is my house!

I need a thread where we post the things that actually make a difference, that signify progress, rather than just day to day "went to bank" etc.

The point is that for many people they are not things you do automatically as part of living.

YABU.

bibbity - yes, that's what I mean, and I'm also not being judgeypants about it, other than I can't see how it helps in any way to out something on a to-do list that is just 'maintenance' activity IYSWIM?

I know to some it does seem a bit silly to put daily 'survival' activities on a to do list, but really it does help with staying motivated.
Going to your to do list and being able to tick something off, anything off is a great push to do the next job.
I do the flylady thing. I even signed up for the daily e-mails and have found it's more really about finding a routine that works rather than celebrating every little job iyswim.

"for many people they are not things you do automatically as part of living." Milly - are you serious?

Unless you are a recovering anorexic, surely 'ate breakfast' can't be considered a 'goal' can it?

I hear you.

chablis, coldtits has tried to explain it to you.

I don't want to sound 'woe is me' but for the past year I have really struggled post-miscarriage. I went from the life and soul of the party to someone who could not get out of bed. Showering and dressing was a huge achievement some days. I have a PhD so I felt like a tit thinking I went from chairing international conferences to 'ooh, well done Vivia, you tied your shoelaces'. But I had to, in order to encourage myself to just live. The banal, mundane things were almost celebrated in that awful period. I have never kept a journal or visited flylady.com but I did take a mental note every time I got out of bed, ate something, that it was great progress. Don't be too harsh.

are you always this insentive chablis

yes rememnbering to eat is an acheivement for me

showering once in a week is a huge acheivement

hope you feel good up their on you judgey mountain

thanks for making me feel shit

if you're depressed, have an ED, or other mental health issues, they impact on day to day living, to the point you're not living, you're exisiting and you need all the help and encouragement you can get

so being able to tick off shower, ate toast, loaded dishwasher off the lsit is 3 achievements, which when you are on your knees in desperation, is really quite good

if you don't understand that, maybe you should not look at flylady?

i had a look, it's not for me, wouldn't be arsed enough to start a thread about, mind you

Actually I don't eat breakfast and I'm probably not alone.

Chablis - I don't believe the flylady lists have things such as that on - that's the slatterns threads.

Which I was a major part of starting.

For me when I started those threads, just getting to the end of the day and having fed the children, had a shower, got them to school, and loaded the dishwasher was a major achievement.

They're things that need doing, if you've done them - then if nothing else is done in the day then you HAVE achieved something that day.

It kept me going, and was a source of motivation for me.

"they impact on day to day living, to the point you're not living, you're exisiting and you need all the help and encouragement you can get"

spot on.

OK, so having had PND I can understand the 'having a shower' thing with a baby etc, but I don't think everyone on these threads has mental health problems?

And some lists seem to range from 'wiped the kitchen table [done]' to 'Hem the curtains' (on the list for weeks, but never done) and I find myself thinking "if only you'd stop wasting time confirming you'd wiped the kitchen table every day for the last month, you could have hemmed those curtains by now!"

I appreciate it is none of my business, really (so put down the lighted torches...) but I am just intrigued by the mental processes behind it really - that's all.

If it works for some people that's great, but I'd feel like I was conning myself!

Yes, of course eating breakfast can be considered a goal!

Flylady is just a kind of friendly, DIY version of MET - motivational enhancement therapy. It is used with many groups of people with mental health problems, substance misuse issues and so on. Unlike many other kinds of therapies, it has very high success rates for changing people's behaviour long term.

You are being hugely judgmental. Lots of people have problems with basic organisation for a variety of reasons.

YABVU.
I just hoovered the stairs, put a wash on and cleaned the bathroom. Thats an A day for me, my own personal everest at the moment, though I won't bore you with why.

Perhaps Chablis and bibbity could start a list for the far more important people with loftier goals, and keep away from the rest of us morons that are beneath them.

Plenty of folk do struggle with the tasks you describe, OP and bibbity. Like you, I don't find flylady relevant to my situation just now. But I can easily imagine that it might help if I were, say, to find myself in a situation similar to Vivia's.

Whether or not you personally agree, I can't quite understand what's not to "get" about that. Do you feel equally puzzled by the existence of other systems designed for people whose lives are not like yours?

you don't think?

No I don't right now - I did when I started the slatterns thread - I was in the darkest place imaginable.

Right now I'm ok, but still suffer from a lack of motivation and "low" days (but not actually depressed).

I also found it heartening to see how others were getting on, quite nice to have some "support" even if only virtual.

If you don't like them - don't read them, or hide them.

I don't criticise you for being perfect, so don't criticise others who aren't.

Trinity - I'm sorry - I didn't intend to make anyone feel shit - obviously each individual knows what constitutes a 'big' achievement for them, given their own particular circumstances...

The threads I saw are mostly in 'Good Housekeeping' and I simply couldn't understand how 'ate breakfast' etc constituted 'Good housekeeping'

Obviously a sensitive area for some people