8 boys and wanting a girl

[icarriedawatermelon2]

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

I loved how with the last pg people kept saying "Oh, so you already have one of each so it doesn't matter what this one is...."

It mattered with the other two!?!?!?!

I openly admit to finding it hard having DS to begin with, less to do with him being a boy more to do with him not being a girl (does that make sense??). My family tends to produce girls, so I had just always pictured having 2 girls - the completely altering my image was what I struggled with, rather than him being a boy iyswim. I will never forget the amazing feeling the night I suddenly clicked with the love of "I have a boy"

I am the same as Pacific, we were thinking of trying for a 3rd baby, I would have wanted another boy as I would hate DS2 to think he was some sort of also ran in a quest to get a girl.
DH thinks we should keep going to get a 5 a side football team

I was sure DS1 was a girl, I did want the Topsy and Tim one of each family (DH and I both grew up in that set up) but could never be disappointed with my lovely boys.

I wouldn't have been disappointed with 2 girls either though.

On the sons growing up and moving away thing. I wonder if this is somehow factored in when you have a preference for boys? I will definitely help my sons' families out if they need it, but I can't really picture myself in the "heavily involved" Grandma role. More the Grandma who drops in from her adventures with excellent gifts and love and then buggers off again, then when they get a bit older maybe take them with me.

Not everyone is too worried about involvement in their adult childrens' lives.

Lizzylou DH thinks we should have another and pray for a boy so we have a permanent WoW party group available.

I told him there would need to be some serious advances in medicine for that to happen because as far as I know men cannot get pregnant.

Morloth that was was my response also

I don't worry about when they get older and move away. Mainly because in our marriage it is me who has moved 120miles to live in DH's neck of the woods, we see PILs far more than my own family as they are only 30 mins away.

I will be channelling my MIL in 10 years or so, both of her children have stayed close by.

'I just ordered his moses basket. I got a pink one because I am a girl' and why not?

DS3 is clearly malebut incredibly girly- his DX is autism but were weafewmore yeras down the research loine I am sure they'd dx something with a touch of gender dysmorphia in there. Everything in hios6 year old world should be pink and I ammore than happy with that- DH is not however.I ams tarting toenforcearulethat within his own space he can have as much pink as he wishes and covering his bed with pink kitteny fleeces etc.ATM his friends are girls,he likes feminine things, he even looks girly and I don't mind that but obv. it may have an impact later on.Ornot,as he will always need care anyway.

I'd loikeyto be a very involved Nan but there'sno saying I annot.I have instructed them tomarry orpahns but even if they disobey having four (3 who may marry) there is a chance that onewould like me in there somewhere. Ifnto at elast I'll always have ds3

Romanarama now that would be fab! perhaps we can make our own programme entitled 'Three boys and wanting a Golden Retriever', I doubt anyone would see that one coming....

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There are lots of two girl sets in our family and everyone says "ooh two girls how lovely". I'm expecting our second son and I just know that I am going to get negative comments and pity from people when he arrives. When I was pregnant with ds1 an ex colleague said "I really hope you have a girl I feel really sorry for people who have boys as it just isn't the same as having a little girl."

Ds1 is lovely and I can't wait to meet ds2!

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From this thread, posters who have boys only get comments like "you must be desperate for a girl"- and from this deduce that there is an anti-boy bias. But ime people who have girls only get exactly the same comments about girls.

I had two boys and really wanted a girl, got a girl and wanted another girl, got a boy. I cried with shame that I was disappointed as my baby was healthy... i still had hopes that it would be a girl on the day.

But the moment I saw him I was delighted to have a baby boy again, it was just delightful.

I think had dd been a boy i would have accepted that i would only have boys. I always wanted both though.

I don't know though Cory

I get lots about how barce I am to have 4 boys as if they must be little monsters..... teachers have sighed to me that their life is Hell is their are more boys than girls in a class..... i've been told that it owuld be hard for us to find another place torent as 4 boys is seen as more destructive than 4 girls.

I'm not sure its an anti gender thing: society ahs developed in a way that fits a girly model IYKWIM-female traits areseen as what we need these days,less hunting and mroe sitting still. And even clothes are far nicer for girls than boys- in mainstream shops anyway.And a bigger range. I spent allweekend searching for awarm coat for ds4 (22 months) who has a broken zip on his.Every store ahd awide choice of girls, but none on for boys as they only had summer stock in for them now.

I don'tt hink it is a natural bias- I don'tthink most people care what child they ahve etc- but I do think it is somewhat trendier (yes I think thats the word) to have dd's ATM.I've been toldon here thats a nice reversal of things historically and I can see that, but that wasn't my fault either.

Lucybarnes, I think mostly people are being very positive about their DC on this thread.
I certainly couldn't love my 2 anymore.
My Mother was one of 3 girls and they were brought up to feel that they could achieve anything that they wanted to, regardless of gender.

Oh and as a medic, please tell me you do know really what the difference is between girls and boys?

I have a son, and have never been aware of any anti-boy bias. And the notion that girls are less likely to move geographically seems bizarre and old-fashioned to me - I haven't lived less than 300 miles from my mum in twenty years, and I know she would have hated me to stay in our rather backward home town.

As for people who keep trying until they get a boy, my husband worked with a guy who had six daughters and his wife decided to have one last try for a boy. She had twin girls! They gave up after that, not surprisingly.

Midori, when I was pg with DS people kept asking what I'd prefer - my stock answer was 'I'm not sure, but another cat might be nice'. It shut them up quickly as they backed away in fear.

I can undertsnad people with all one sex wanting ababy of the other, but as others have said, it's the 'keep going' aspect that makes me sad. It makes you wonder if when their DS's 3,4,5 etc were born they just went through the motions before starting to TTC again.

Such an interesting subject. I always wanted boys, thought I'd have 2. After difficulties, found out I was carrying DS at 12 weeks via CVS procedure. I remember the overwhelming joy - all OK, and also a boy.

Within 2 years, I noticed - with the people around here - there did seem to be a real bias towards girls. It seemed centred around social acceptance, in that those with well behaved girls could relax and chat at the toddler groups, they felt proud of their offspring, some to point of smuggery. There were a lot of judgements put on actions that come more naturally to some girls, sitting still, listening in a formal setting, doing as instructed, being gentle, sharing etc etc. I know lots of boys can be good at these things too, but at the groups I went to you could see a clear gender divide in activity and behaviour.

DD arrived when DS was nearly 3. She's an easy peasy one so thats my experience. But the emotions that I have been through with my DS and the attitudes towards boys in general - which continues through school so far - mean that I will always have a special place in my heart for boisterous boys and will always fight their corner.

I think most people are just looking for balance, I know people with 3 girls who want a boy and I have 3 boys and would love a girl. We have tried gender methods to try for a girl (we would of done the same if we had 3 girls to try for a boy) but really struggled to concieve then miscarried. We made the choice to stop trying and would not dream of going down the IVF route or the aborting route, however this does not mean the desire for having a girl is gone. We now foster girls and have our balanced house and while they are never going to be my children the house hold does feel very different and I don't feel like an outsider in my own home, which I did living with 4 men. I love my boys and have never been disapointed that they are who they are, bringing a girl into the house has not changed that, in fact it makes me love their boyness even more. I get my girly time, dh gets his boy time and we all get lovely balanced family time and fostered children get a family, win win all around.

However, I do think in recent years there has been a preference towards girls. I am pretty much unwelcome some places as I have 3 boys acting like boys and not the typical 'quiet' 'still' girl. If you go into any shop the choice available for girls tend to be about 3 times the size of what is available for boys and on top of that the girls shevles tend to be full where as the boys shelves are empty. Only yesterday I experienced this, I went to get another cheapy Asda lunch box and they had two boxes of the pink and none of the blue (no way any of my ds's would of accepted using the pink one) and so I will have to go back again another time. I also went in to Next to get a pair of slippers for ds1, 2 half empty bays of boys shoes, 4 full bays of girls shoes, needless to say there where no slippers in the correct size!

It happens all the time and I am down right fed up of it. Why shouldn't my boys want to go places or dress nicely, I get the impression I should stay in never go out and only dress them in tracksuits and trainers! Of course I don't do this I fight for them but it's not fair and sometimes it just seems like so much effort when it shouldn't be, both sexes of children are equally important.

I think the gender preference comments are made in RL too. When I was pregnant with DD2 I was asked whether I was hoping for a boy and also there is an assumption that all men want a boy.

When I had my DD2 and took her to a playgroup one of the women there, who also has two dds, very smugly told me that we were "lucky" to have girls because boys were "tantrumy, destructive and generally hard work". Luckily I was around a couple of weeks later when that comment came back and bit her on the arse when her daughter had an almighty tantrum.

Yes, boys and girls can be different but then my two daughers are different from each other aswell.

Can I just pointlessly state that I always wanted 4 boys and then end with twin girls...ok, so now I've had one child I may not go for 6 but I was convinced DD was a boy and really wanted her to be. She's a beautiful little girl and I don't resent her being a girl Going for the next one I'd still like a boy, best option would be 2 boys, 2 girls simply because then they'd each have another of the same gender. DH missed out on a brother and really wanted one! Oh, and as for the 'quiet, calm girl' Hah! ROFL at that one
I've got 5 brothers and a sister and I just think boys are so much fun!

I had sisters,DH had brothers- we'reused tosingle sex famillies.

Sisters both hayve boys,soMum has 7 Grandsons and no Grandaughters.

She did buy some pink things JIC fords3(she'dgiven up by ds4 PMSL) but don't think she minds. They are all so different anyway.

dad was in a family with 8 boys and 8 girls. Now that is hard work!

I have 3 girls and found out 2 weeks ago no4 is a DS, I'm still in utter shock, I was totally expecting DD4, had her names picked and everything.

The reaction of other people has been odd though, have had lots of well dones, you can stop now, your DH must be chuffed to bits, for what?, not that we did anything different this time. I suppose now we know it is a little bit more exciting in that we are looking forward to finding out what a boy we made will look like, buying blue instead of pink etc but another girl would have been fabulous, each of my DDs is so different as it is. Part of me feels sad for DD3 especially now as we didn't get all these comments last time. I am also getting a lot of "oh he will be so spoiled only boy" but am adamant he will not be treated any different to his sisters especially as I grew up in family where boys were prized.

There is part of me finds it extremely sad that someone would chose to terminite a baby on the basis of gender.

8 boys and 8 girls

maximum respect to your Grandma

taffetacat I like your post, i too have a warnth towards boisterous, exuberant energetic boys although my ds is only 19 weeks, I've always loved little boys like this.

When i fell pg 4 years ago with my dd (now 3), I just wanted a healthy baby and adored dd when she arrived. Similarly didn't mind at all when pg with ds what gendet he was. We'd had a lovely experience with dd so another would be great but we thought a bot would be fantastic too. Now we have ds and he's totally adorable and gorgeous although a crap sleeper!!

We are stopping at 2 not because we have 1 of each but because I in particular don't want anymore and I feel we have the practical and financial wherewithall to support 2 children comfortably and give them excellent opportunities. I also don't want to be pg or give bith ever ever again.

I don't get this keep trying to you get another gender mentality, you have as many children as you're able to provide for emotionally and practically be it 1 or 5, not just so you can hit your gender target.

I have two girls and then a boy.

He's a lot of work.