I didn't coin the term 'Gender Disappointment', and agree it is a bad one. To save you scrolling up and reading my (much) earlier post, I'll CnP it here:
I had counselling for antenatal depression when I was pg. I was having a girl; when I found out I was devastated. I had wanted a boy my whole life. The strength of my feelings of disappointment shocked me.
Of course, looking back, I can see that my brain was riddled with hormones, I would have had the depression regardless of the gender of the baby, but at the time it felt awful. The worst thing was, I was carrying a healthy baby, and knowing how may people in the world would love to be in that position made me feel incredibly guilty for feeling the way I did.
The only information I could access about Gender disappointment was from mothers expecting boys and wanting girls- this made me feel even worse.
Interestingly, my counsellor said that a large proportion of the expectant parents she saw suffering Gender disappointment were those who had been infertile for many years, and had eventually conceived through IVF; they had held on to a dream of a (usually) baby girl for so long, that when they conceived twin boys they were devastated.
It is almost taboo to discuss it- I could never tell anybody how disappointed I was, it seemed so ungrateful.
Of course, now my DD is 2yo and I couldn't imagine loving her more than I do.
"I think it's sickening to abort healthy fetuses because of their gender."
I think this probably reflects your feelings about abortion more than your feelings about gender disappointment. People abort healthy foetuses for flippant reasons every day. FWIW, it does not sit right with me either but not every sufferer of Gender disappointment considers termination, nor do those who choose to terminate negate the existence of the condition.
"I think it's ridiculous to spend so much money trying to select a gender when, while you were doing that, God knows how many children just starved to death. Adopt a girl/boy if it's so all-fired important to you."
You could just as easily apply this logic to IVF. Are you against IVF for the same reasons?
There are also not a stream of babies waiting to be adopted; most are much older and quite often emotionally damaged children, with issues which can and do affect the success of their placements. To place such children with parents wanting a baby would not be fair on the child or the parents.
In short, Gender Disappointment is not just a child in a sweetshop stamping their foot because they got the wrong flavour chewing gum. It is an illness whereby you lose your sense of logic and proportion and hang all of your depressive feelings on the gender of the child. It's awful.