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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 boys and wanting a girl

408 replies

icarriedawatermelon2 · 02/02/2010 19:10

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

OP posts:
BethNoireNewNameForPeachy · 03/02/2010 12:28

Taffeta sadly not,she was ill from dc6 or so onwards and the oldest raised the youngest.

happyharry · 03/02/2010 12:34

Not in my house. I had a dd and than went onto have a ds. My dh was thrilled with boy. Personally I wouldn't care what sex they are. Just being able to have 2 children is enough for me. I am one of 6 girls and 1 boy. Fortunately they didn't stop reproducing once they got their boy or I wouldn't have been born.

MollyRoger · 03/02/2010 12:41

I have two boys and I'd give anything to have........................

  • a third child. Full stop. Sadly, dh didn't want any more and so got a vasc. And after a year of financial nightmares, its a bloody good job! But I would have loved a Walton-esque tribe. AIBU to feel jealous of all these people who can afford more children?
StrictlyKatty · 03/02/2010 13:23

I do think people assume that girls want girls. I can say I 100% do not ever want a daughter. I have a horible relationship with my Mother, who hates her Mother etc so I don't think I'm cut out for a daughter. I adore DS and would love more boys, I'm scared of having a girl though I don't want to have a daughter who will hate me.

lucybarnes · 03/02/2010 14:59

Message withdrawn

NotAnOtter · 03/02/2010 15:08

i have five boys - people pull sad faces and grimace

then they meet them ! I feel blessed - if i were a believer I would say that whoever my god were - thought I should do this and that is why I have continued to have them...

society is a strange thing - still patriarchal yet to give birth to a boy is almost pitied - unless one has a plethora og girls

i would love girls but do not feel i could have had as big a family were it dominated by them....one is hard work!

BethNoireNewNameForPeachy · 03/02/2010 15:55

'they probably spend a lot of time working paying and caring for them. if they dont and they are on benefits, then thats another thread, dont get me started on the low lives

unless of course kidscame before benefits,life happens

and indeed benefitdoesnot equallowlife foreveryone,there are disabled,recently redundant,carers...... just to point out

CheerfulYank · 03/02/2010 16:01

GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT?!?!?!?!

Are you frakkin kidding me? What the bloody eff is that?! "People who don't suffer from GD?" (I'm quoting from the first page) It's not a disorder, it's "oh I wanted a girl but got a boy, oh well, let's be thankful my son's healthy and move on with it." What is the matter with people these days?

FWIW, I want four or five boys. (Not all biological!) But if I end up with gaggle of little girls, well, that's the way it goes and I'm sure if that happens I won't have been able to imagine it any other way. Terminate if it's a boy, for the love of all that's holy.

I'm all in a dither over this.

BethNoireNewNameForPeachy · 03/02/2010 16:07

Ican understand the disappoitnment

I would suggest a scan at 0w tothose whoa re worried about gender as it is good to have that time toadjust

But I have seen GD used as aclinialterm now andthink- WTF?Now,I get that anything can be a trigger PND ordepression or whatever

But as a stand alone condition?

disappointment is life.

princessparty · 03/02/2010 16:13

The trouble with reading posts g on mumsnet is that the very great majority of posters are women.i would imagine most men want sons to relive their childhood with.

jellybeans · 03/02/2010 16:19

I think if it were a mens site there would be simelar posts about men 'desperate' for girls (sadly). I feel sad for this lady's boys. I sympathise as she had a stillborn girl, I had two s/b girls and went on to have a boy after each of them. i didn't give a crap what sex they were so lobg as they were alive. I now have DDs and DSs and honestly both are just as scrummy and bring as much joy. Just be grateful for a live child is my motto. A preference is OK but to 'not want it' if it is a certain gender is wrong. People may fantasise about their future child but you get what you get, boy or girl is a blessing.

PlumBumMum · 03/02/2010 16:31

my friend has 4 girls and would just love a little boy

I have 2 girls and a boy and find ds alot easier than the girls,
I would love another baby and would love it to be a boy BUT only because I would like ds to have a brother,

Although my MIL had 4 boys, and will openly tell everyone all she wanted was a girl, she did dress BIL in pink, BUT when dh was born she was depressed, her friend had a baby girl which had downs and she said it was the biggest wake up call ever. she felt so bad

She was so thrilled to get a granddaughter first, she spoils me rotten and even sent me a birhtday card to the daughter I never had

LouMacca · 03/02/2010 16:33

Well said jellybeans. Couldn't agree more.

princessparty · 03/02/2010 16:40

Really ! Men like ballet and dollies better than rugby and cars O-o-oh kaaayy!

Lizzylou · 03/02/2010 16:46

Notanotter, that's funny, DH and I say I was given boys because I am a tomboy and can cope (ahem), I stopped at two though!

I have 3 brothers (1 I grew up with, 2 from Dad's 2nd marriage) and was always watching/playing football, climbing trees etc.

I do sometimes hanker after a quiet little girl who quietly does colouring in/playing with dolls, but my friends with girls say such a creature doesn't exist

lucybarnes · 03/02/2010 17:02

Message withdrawn

BethNoireNewNameForPeachy · 03/02/2010 18:08

Lucy no probs, as a carer am on a mission to break down the notion of benefit = scroungers is all.

Catch the criminally farudulent and let the rest of us get by in peace, I say.

Lizzylou that's why I think I have 4 boys. The only reason I would have chosen a girlis that with two with ASD, statistically the chancesof a girl having ASD is less. I honestly can't think of any other reason to have a preference.

NotAnOtter · 03/02/2010 19:31

I have said this before on here..
I am well known for saying I would love girls ( for all the shallow reasons and some deeper ones ) but also see myself as a very happy and contented mum

much happier than many who got 'what they ordered'
My boys are my world

NotAnOtter · 03/02/2010 19:33

and my dd of course - but I dont feel she is any more special than them - nor am I any closer to her although all that may change in adulthood

Original poster
icarriedawatermelon2 · 03/02/2010 19:55

I totally agree with taffetacat

"Within 2 years, I noticed - with the people around here - there did seem to be a real bias towards girls. It seemed centered around social acceptance, in that those with well behaved girls could relax and chat at the toddler groups, they felt proud of their offspring, some to point of smuggery. There were a lot of judgments put on actions that come more naturally to some girls, sitting still, listening in a formal setting, doing as instructed, being gentle, sharing etc etc. I know lots of boys can be good at these things too, but at the groups I went to you could see a clear gender divide in activity and behavior.!

I see and feel this all the time......Its really hard sometimes!!!

OP posts:
NotAnOtter · 03/02/2010 20:02

agree totally

Nancy10 · 03/02/2010 20:48

I have three boys (two are identical twins!) At my son's school there is a family with 9 children. There first child was a girl and the second was a boy so they had one of each, but chose to have more. They now have 5 girls and four boys. The other day I was standing next to the mum in the playground and she said to me I would have loved to have had twins. So it just goes to show we can't win and you can't have everything!I would love to have a girl but I think whatever the sex, when they're born safe and sound and you're holding them in your arms for the first time. I could never be disappointed!

DorotheaPlenticlew · 04/02/2010 08:33

I too think that taffetacat's post was spot on -- a similar bias towards supposedly "typical" girl behaviours was noticeable at baby & toddler groups local to me, as well.

I was in a DS-obsessed haze, though, so I didn't really care. I secretly knew he was the sweetest baby in town and much better company than all the boring sit-still-on-the-floor babies . He is still amazingly good fun, and if I'd been told I was having another boy I'd have seen it as nothing but delightful news.

Having said that, if this DC2 (prob a girl) turns out to enjoy sitting still and being quiet, I'm not gonna complain too much

LouMacca · 04/02/2010 10:16

Nancy 10 - its funny that you should post that. One the mums at school has 7 children (3 girls/4 boys), she is lovely, all her children are lovely and well-mannered and she told me how lucky I was and that she would have loved twins!

Anyway I'm sure there will be lots of feedback after the programme tonight.

Romanarama · 04/02/2010 10:27

I also agree with taffetacat. I do see that there is a tendency for girls to be calmer more often than boys are. My 3 boys like to play wrestling, though they also enjoy drawing and board games. I was pleased last year, when by chance 2/3 of all of their year groups were girls, as I thought the classes were less likely to be wild and disrupted.

But I get so sick of mothers of girls saying things like 'it's a girl thing' in the smuggest of voices. There is definitely smuggery about having girls. It's just rude really.

The idea that girls have some kind of monopoly on achievement is also obviously rubbish. It's hardly the case that girls all over the world are all doing brilliantly at school while boys all fail everything and end up unemployed is it?

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