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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8 boys and wanting a girl

408 replies

icarriedawatermelon2 · 02/02/2010 19:10

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

OP posts:

tethersend · 02/02/2010 21:26

I found it interesting too, LouMacca...

The assumption is that those who conceive through IVF are grateful for 'whatever they get'- yet what my counsellor said kind of made sense, as the couples she talked about (more specifically, the mothers) had had a longer wait in which to construct a 'fantasy child' IYSWIM...

Irons · 02/02/2010 21:28

My friend came from a family of 6 girls because they kept trying for a boy.

pigletmania · 02/02/2010 21:28

This sort of thing happens a lot in China with the one child policy, a lot of girls are terminated or killed. There was a programme about this a while back called the dying rooms , would hate to go down that route. That is why there are a lot of chineese girls up for adoption.

PacificDogwood · 02/02/2010 21:28

YANBU, OP.

I am currently expecting DS4 and am actively relieved he is another boy for the simple reason that this baby is most certainly my last and I would never have wanted the other 3 to think we kept going just to "get a girl" .
If a girl had come along somewhere along the way, that would have been fine, but I love my mad pack of noisy boy cubs ! God help me when puberty strikes though...

I do agree that families with children of exclusively one gender or the other are more likely to crave what they have not got. Is it not a matter of Grass always being Greener??

"Gender Disappointment" as a psychological condition rather than an absurd demand to control nature is actually v rare, a v distressing condition and usually linked to other mental health issues. tethersend, you sound like you had a terrible time of it and it is nice to hear that you sound so positive now .

I've had condolences offered to me when I was out and about with newborn DS3 . Lots of people open their mouths before engaging their brain...

Not sure I will want to watch this program - likely to be v sensationalist

chegirlsgotheartburn · 02/02/2010 21:28

Icarried I will have 5 in april.

Always wanted 6 but a bit late now.

There on MNs who have loads more than me

Original poster

icarriedawatermelon2 · 02/02/2010 21:28

pigletmania I think its more the kept going to have a girl part, which is hard to feel right about, not that she had 8 boys and now wants a girl IYSWIM??

OP posts:

scaryhairycat · 02/02/2010 21:30

I have to say though with my 2nd pg I was really really keen for a girl. I had no preference with my first, a boy, but as he got older I was beginning to feel a bit out numbered in my family - my Mum had died () and all my close rellies were men, so I felt a really odd need to readdress the balance iyswim?
I was lucky enough to get a girl, but if I had a boy, I would definitely have loved him just the same. As I now have both I have no preference at all if I were to have any more, as long as they are healthy

pigletmania · 02/02/2010 21:32

I have a dd,and would love a ds but i would not like more than 2 or 3 i could not cope yes there will be people who want something they have not go, in this case wanting a girl, i do not believe in sex selection unless its for medical reasons, as some diseases are passed down from a certain sex IYGWIM

vvvodka · 02/02/2010 21:35

in some cultures, boys are valued far more than girls. i personally know of one family with seven girls. another with five girls and fortunately the sixth was a boy, otherwise i think they would have kept on having babies.
when my mom was in hospital having an emergency c section, (back in the day when that meant they thought the baby was dead)there was a woman there having her ligated tubes untied because her husband wanted a boy. she'd given birth to seven children, four girls and three boys. all the boys had died within the first few months of life, but her dh wanted a boy, so she was having herself unsterilised my dgm told her she was better off without such a man in her lifee, one who would do that to the mother of his daughters. but, different strokes and all that.

Mishy1234 · 02/02/2010 21:42

I have one DS conceived through IVF and was delighted when I found out I was having a boy. I had ALWAYS wanted boys, well before we had trouble conceiving and that didn't change because we had to wait 8 years.

2nd time around and an unassisted pregnancy and I'm again delighted that we're having another boy. I've never particularly wanted a girl and don't know how I would have felt initially if I had been having one. However, I do know that by the time she arrived, of course she would have been as loved as any boy would have been.

I've never really noticed a preference for girls amongst my friends.

pranma · 02/02/2010 21:43

My dd has two boys and was mildly disappointed when her ds2 was a boy but now he is as wonderful as his big brother and, as she says, she'd never want a girl instead.She wont be having any more.I had one of each and my regret for dd is that she will never have that very special mother/daughter relationship.My experience was that having a little boy and even a teenage boy was wonderful but now ds is married and lives abroad near his wife's family and we are less close.Dd was a difficult child but now,as an adult,I feel very blessed to have her.

somanyboyssolittletime · 02/02/2010 21:45

Pacific that is a really interesting point re not wanting your boys to think you had kept going for a girl.

I am pregnant with DC4 (probably DS4) and really struggle to answer people's daily (if not hourly) comments about trying for a girl etc. I would like a girl, but I will love the baby no matter what, but how do you get that across without looking as if you are desperate or lying.

I think parents with all girls feel just the same - they love all of their children, but some will want a balance.

PacificDogwood · 02/02/2010 21:47

I do not think there is anything wrong with having a preference one way or another, often for emotional/personal reasons, but as somebody said earlier it is going out of their way by means of IVF/abroad/preimplantaion diagnostics to achieve one or the other gender I just find offensive and morally wrong.

Remember the family who had 2 boys and a girl who sadly died (?of a disease/accident - cannot remember) and sued for their right to gender selection? This is a few years ago; I do not recall that there was a medical issue. Was the argument not that they had "lost the female dimension" of their family? Obviously they had suffered a v tragic and sad loss, but...

sungirltan · 02/02/2010 21:55

although i think maybe gender selection is ethically sketchy (makes me think of the indian villages where no baby girls have survived for generations) i kind of do understand.

i was desperate for dd to be a girl and paid for a 3d scan just to make sure when the nhs scan was inconclusive - i was so releived she was! (reason being mostly that if my child was a boy then my in laws would say things like 'oooh will you go in the army like your dad when you grow up' (many, many a reason for not wanting that) but also because all the other small grandchildren are boys and my dc would be just lumped together with them - being a girl they would have to treat her differently).....but she is a dd so nothing to complain about...but....we have recently decided we would like another dc and this time around i think i will be even more anxious to the point where i don't know how i will feel if its a boy and how guilty that would make me feel etc etc

Mumcentreplus · 02/02/2010 21:56

Piglet I saw that docu...so sad..girls left to die in orphanages...

I agree pacific...

Mumcentreplus · 02/02/2010 22:01

sun..no need to feel guilt..

everyone has expectations...but what you have to realise is..no matter what sex your child is..you will love him/her..protect him/her and do your best...when they are here,alive and well..it wont matter that much..believe me

NotAPollyanna · 02/02/2010 22:26

pranma your points are exactly why I wanted a dd as well as a ds. I worry so much that when both my ds grow up they will move miles away and I know my dd might too but my own personal experience has seen the men in my family move geographically and emotionally away and that is why I wanted dds.

midori1999 · 02/02/2010 22:42

I find it abhorrent that people would terminate a pregnancy soley on the grounds of the sex of the baby.

I have three boys and have to admit I was alittle disappointed at my 20 week scan with DC3, but it only took me about a second to get over it. I now love having my boys and wouldn't change them for the world.

I am now pregnant with DC4 and I started out thinking that I'd like a girl, but as time goes on (and I am only just over 11 weeks) I don't think I really care at all. We weren't trying for a girl, just a baby and I'm pretty sure that's what we'll end up with, so we'll have got what we wanted.

wonderif · 02/02/2010 23:08

i have two girls and i would love a boy, did my first time round too so dont think fair comment that people r disapointed if they get a boy.

i was thrilled to get a healthy baby girl at the time she was she turned into a beautiful girl with special needs.

i thank myself lucky that i have two beautiful girls and if i am blessed with a boy next time i will be over the moon, if i get a girl well, i will be over the moon too.

but i dont blame these families on wanting a bboy

ScreaminEagle · 02/02/2010 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

displayuntilbestbefore · 02/02/2010 23:58

I think a lot of people simply think that everyone would like to have at least one of each to experience having a boy and a girl. I don't share this view, I hasten to add (I have 3 boys but would have been as happy if they were all girls or a mixture, the gender really didn't matter to me or dh) but often people assume that you will want whatever you haven't yet had.

flyingdolphin · 03/02/2010 00:51

I knew a family when I was young who had 6 girls and really wanted a boy so they adopted a baby boy who is now probably the most delightfully camp young man I have ever met and quite openly and happily gay.

GothAnneGeddes · 03/02/2010 01:58

When I was pregnant with dd, one of Dh's evil aunts said that hopefully the scan was wrong and it would turn out to be a boy.

Bitch.

I would not swap dd for the world.

nooka · 03/02/2010 03:28

I don't particularly have a problem with people trying to balance their families, so long as it doesn't mean getting rid of the wrong sex, and I guess that IVF approaches do that as much as selective abortions, although that seems so much more wrong.

We had family friends that had I think six (much loved) boys, and then a longed for girl, who very sadly died very young (SIDS).

Also I think it is unwise to assume that your daughters will be closer to you as adults that your sons. I am one of three girls and one boy, and me and my sister have both emigrated - my mother certainly considers that my brother cares about her the most (which is twaddle really ) I think the one really significant difference is that when your dd has (if she does) her own children that there is likely to be a particular bond between you at that time, which you are unlikely to experience with a DIL.

Romanarama · 03/02/2010 07:44

Midori are you thinking there's an outside chance it'll be a golden retriever?

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