8 boys and wanting a girl

[icarriedawatermelon2]

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

I saw this, it mae me feel very sad. but then i have one of both so i dont know how it feels to long for either sex.

boys are much more affectionate, and girls even from babyhood have an independent streak

'I will never see pink things in my house, do my daughters hair or nails, have girly shopping days , take her dancing etc etc .'

Haha not all girls do this!! My girls have always worn jeans and my 11 year old is still always out climbing trees!! Doing hair becomes a chore after a while and is a nightmare with nits!!!! I have as much fun buying boys clothes as my girls. Pink is OK for boys now to as is ballet. They can also have long hair- although maybe not pigtails!! Pink used to be a boys colour years ago, it has not always been associated with girls.

I agree that some women are nervous about being MILs but as long as you are a good one you have every chance of remaining close. Keep your own life going too though and don't expect too much. Most people I know desperate for girls though usually went on about pink, hair, clothes etc, abit superficial.

i have 1 DC (DD 18 months) i never found out the sex because i thought it if turned out to be a girl that my DP may be slightly disappointed.

during my pregnancy i didn't really have a preference, one week i'd be so excited thinking of all the pros of having a boy, the next week i'd be so excited thinking about all the pros of having a girl.

since having my DD and joing this site, i have noticed the whole "MIL" culture, and i'll be completely honest, it's given me moments of "thank god DD wasn't a boy" i understand that most of the MIL's written about deserve it, but i've seen some nasty people on here being spiteful against their MIL's for nothing. i've posted on here about my MIL, but hand on heart it's been justified and i'd be the exact same if it was my own mother.

i want another child a few years down the line and i don't really care what i get (would stop at 2, so if i don't have a DS next time then it's tough) i look at my male cousins and my male uncles and they have such great relationships with their mothers and according to their mothers were so loving as babies, so for me the "MIL" thing doesn't come in to it.

do you think that's why some women desperately want a girl? because they don't want to be a MIL, and they hate the thought of coming second in their son's lives eventually? i don't care that i'll be 2nd in my DD's life someday, that's how it's supposed to be, your kids are supposed to come first in your life, not the other way around.

To be honest, after what we went through to have a second healthy child, I actually get very offended with people who say " another boy? never mind" or my MIL "pity, I was hoping you'd have a girl".

We had 2 mcs, a termiantion (of our little girl at 17 weeks for awful, insurmountable medical condtions) and a year of total infertility. By the time DS2 came out, I was over the moon.

When people say "You need to try for a girl now" or "what if you try again and get another boy?" I want to explain calmly that getting two healthy babies means I have won the bloody lottery. It broke our hearts to lose our girl at 17 weeks. People don't realise how much it hurts when they say "shame you didn't get a girl second time round".

I couldn't wish for two more wonderful joyful children than my sons. I can't imagine loving any child more than I love them.

BUT I can't go through those endless appointments, injections, scans, and tests again so no I WON'T BE TRYING FOR A GIRL!

Some friends of my parents wanted a boy. They had five daughters, and then stopped trying. Five children was more than enough.

I have 6 girls and 1 boy, and honestly never cared what I was having but my son was the middle child, who knows, maybe if he hadn't come along I may have felt differently and yearned for a boy?

I think we get what we're given and we should all feel incredibly lucky that we get to have children at all.

Ive got 3 smashing boys and am currently ttc, because we have decided to try for 1 last baby now Im 40 and before it gets too late. If/when I fall pregnant Im going to make up a stock list of replies to the stupid questions you get like "what are you going to do if its another boy" - how about "give him away" (just to see the stupid looks on their faces). I had "its a shame" comments when DS3 was born.

I also hate the "a sons a son until he takes a wife a daughters a daughter all your life" sayings - because all children are different, Im sure there are plenty of daughters who dont take much to do with their families and am sure there are plenty of sons who do! Unfortunately some women here as Ive seen seem to treat their MILs with disdain at best and utter contempt at worst - forgetting they are talkign about their partners Mother at the end of the day.

Im going to be a fantastic MIL, ok a bit to go yet (youngest 2 are 3 and 9), my 18 year old DS confides in me all the time about stuff and I love the relationship weve got.

I'm expecting id twins. I have dd1 so my neighbour said "oooh, wouldn't boys be good?!" Well actually, I have no preference what so ever and don't get people who do, but the sonographer thinks they are girls. DH has joked that his life will be pink and sparkly for ever - but he loves it really. If we'd had three boys I'd have been just as happy and blessed, but it seems others think you must have "one of each" and don't believe you if you say you don't mind. So many can't have babies or struggle, I really cannot comprehend how anyone can feel that way.

newgold people ask me with horror on their faces what I will do with twins - I tell them I'll pick my favourite and leave the other at the hospital. They seem baffled that I'm happy (albeit a little shocked) at the news. Also people are shocked they are "naturally conceived". They ask how they were conceived and when I bluntly tell them it was via a slightly tipsy new year's bonk they soon shut up. (dh and I were ttc but we weren't checking dates etc too closely.)

newgolddream couldn't have said it better myself, i hate that stupid saying (most of my male family members are close with their mums, so i don't believe it's true that you lose your son when he gets a wife). i don't have a DS yet, but if i'm ever blessed with one, i too will be a smashing MIL i'm very family orientated and love family get togethers, and i just know that i'd make my (imaginary!) DIL feel so welcome and loved without being overbearing and pretending i know what's best when i clearly don't! i think the key is always having your own life and your own friends and not just being a mum, at the end of the day when your kids leave home it's your time to enjoy yourself, maybe go travelling, spend time with friends and socialise, that way you won't resent them "leaving" you.

I always hoped for boys. Got one eventually

Seriously, I would have been happy with any healthy baby.

I hope your son doesn't know, zukiecat. You could have given him to a childless couple desperate to adopt.

Did you think you could only have girls or something?

OLD THREAD

You're not for real surely ?

zukiecat that's sad to hear, do you have a close relationship with your son?

PrincessScrumpy - "I tell them I'll pick my favourite and leave the other at the hospital"

Love it

You and me both JingleMum , absolutely fabbbbbulous MILs

I actually have a great relationship with 18 year old DSs girlfriend (2 years and counting!).......not that Im marrying them off thinking they will always be together of course!

And what you said about having your own life and not resenting your children "leaving" is so very true.

flisspaps - yes its an old thread, I think we realise that - all you have to do is check the date. Didnt realise there was a time limit on what people could chat about here mind you.

zukiecat - I cant pretend to understand how you feel, but all I can say its very sad, for all your family, regardless of saying your DS doesnt know.

I hope going into therapy helps you in some way but speaking as a Mental Health Nurse I doubt you will find any resolution or answers in this issue through CBT - CBT is a great treatment for anxiety and depression in the "here and now" - it looks at challenging negative thoughts and looking at the link between thoughts and behaviour. To have such a deep ingrained feeling against boys and your son would require more intense therapy looking at childhood issues etc, such as the area I work in psychodynamic psychotherapy.

zukiecat i'm very sorry to hear that, i know that you can't help how you feel. if you don't mind me asking, do you love him the same way you love your daughters, real motherly love?

i really do think it might be worth heeding Newgolddream's advice and looking at an alternative therapy to help you understand and deal with your feelings?

Zukie Did you have brothers?