8 boys and wanting a girl

[icarriedawatermelon2]

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

four congrats!

I too think same sax families are great and have five boys with dd being number 2

i must say that I thought the program makers painted a bleak one sided view of parenting mulitple boys

all mud mishaps and mayhem...

My experience of parenting a lot of same sex has taught me

1. how very different they all are
2. that a lot of boys makes them more free to explore their feminine side - research has shown that boys fare better in traditionally female subjects when in single sex education. The lack of girls prevents the machismo type attitudes that may prevent them wanting to express themselves in say languages or literature. The same could be said of our home where the boys are really not very boy ish at all!

fourlittleducks - I'm one of 6 girls and my Mum says that each time after the first 2 she was greeted with 'Oh no! Not another one!' 'Maybe next time' etc etc as though she would love her baby less for being another girl.

She now has 6 grandsons (and counting) to do her odd jobs in her old age!

Not an otter: glad to hear that. My oldest is only 9 but already I've found the same to be true: apart from the fact they all play together brilliantly there is no sense that certain'gendered' play is off limits at home which is great.

Fourlittleducks - congrats on girl no4, we found about a few weeks ago that no4 is a boy after 4 DDs and have literally spent the last 3 weeks saying that no we were not trying for a boy and another girl would just have been as special. Four daughters will be wonderful.

DP and I are getting a little bit about all the congratulations, finally got a boy at last etc comments we have been getting as if our girls don't matter as much.

Suppose it's the same the other way round.

When I was pg the first time, I had a slight preference for a girl. I thought a lot about that and realised that it was (a) because I thought I understood girls better than boys and (b) because part of the reason at a very deep seated level for having children was to perpetuate "me" and clearly a girl would be more likely to be a "mini me" than a boy.

As it turned out dc1 was a boy. All my preconceived reasons for wanting a girl were wrong. I have a beautiful unique human being who does reflect many parts of me but is also their own person.

When pg for the second time, I was so taken with ds, I wanted another ds. However, this time around it was a dd.

Must say I have said to people with 3+ boys that it must be hard. I never thought this would be offensive but it is just IME, boys under say 8 are loud and rowdy for the most part and whilst there is absolutely nothing bad about this, it is damned hard work!

I meant fourth is a boy after 3 DDs, I think we still do not believe it fully expected another girl we even had her name all chosen now have to find a boys one

I think 3+ DCs are hard work no matter what they have or haven't got between their legs to be brutally honest.

i have a good friend with three girls who warned me when I was so broody for a third that life with three would be chaos, continually, as it was for her and her girls. well of course it has been hard work, as she said, but it's definitely easing off now we're into toddler years for the youngest. not to say there still aren't those moments after school and before they've eaten when I just want to go down the bottom of the garden with a stiff drink.

There is an irish saying
'a son is yours till he takes a wife, a daughter is yours for all of her life'.
I think for some people, myself included having a daughter after 4 boys was more about the close friendship we would have especially when she grows up.It just wasn't about buying pink or frilly dresses for me. Before she was born I always had a feeling there was someone missing from my life. It did not make me love my boys any less because I wanted a daughter.

You may not be close to your DD though? Many women are fiercely independant and move away. I feel sorry for the kids in the program and on the website metnioned in it they talk about considering termination if it is the 'wrong' sex. How is that right? It is no better than what happens in China etc, babies discarded for being the wrong sex. Hoping for a girl/boy is fine but being devastated about the baby being the undesired sex or 'gutted another boy how do i get over it' is not right IMO.

my mil had 5 boys and then her little girl.....we were at school together, she was a tomboy and now she is a very masculine lesbian

(i'm with her brother not her )

I can totally understand the desire for a girl, I am 7 weeks pregnant with my third child (have 2 sons). We were not sure whether to try for a third BECAUSE my desire for a daughter was so strong. We talked and thought about it for well over a year and there have been many tears and much soul-searching. My dh was willing to try for a third to try to give me a girl but I was not willing to try for a baby on that basis. I had to make sure that it was a baby I wanted - not just a girl. I was terrified of resenting a baby boy. I adore my sons and would not want any subsequent children to feel I felt any less about them. I do believe that we have worked it through together and we will be thrilled with a baby of any sex. I will not deny though, that I am a little frightened that my feelings will return if this child is a boy (at the momet I am just happy to be pregnant and feel I will be excited - girl or boy). My gut feeling is that I will adore any child I have but maybe it's my hormones making me doubt myself!
What also worried me before I was pregnant was the reaction I would get from other people. I didn't want anyone to ask if I wanted a girl or to ask if I am disappointed if it turns out to be a boy. I have decided to be honest if anyone says anything and say "of course I would love to experience parenting a little girl but why would I love my little boy any less than I love the other two."
I am aware that there are many, many people out there who would give their right arm to be in my position and I know how very lucky we are. I have not broadcast my feelings and this is a very personal experience dh and I have gone through together. I have not told anyone how strongly I felt about a girl and would never tell my children (even iit is a girl) I am only writing it on here because we are strangers and it feels good to finally confess my feelings and fears.
Please try not to judge me, I can't help my private feelings but I know we have done everything we can to ensure that we have entered into this pregnancy for the right reasons.

My DD has 4.

3 DD,s and 1 DS.

She's so happy that DS was No2 because she was never asked if she kept trying for the opposite sex. Does that make sense?

I have one of each. DS is the eldest and I am much closer to him emotionally than I am to DD.

Don't know if this is because he was firstborn and I still remember those magical 9 months and then the 3 years before DD was born. Just the two of us (and DH of course when he wasn't at work)

He still rings me every week to let me know what time he's playing rugby and I pick his DP up to go to the game, or she picks me up.

Last week I took DGD and DGS and as DS came out of the dressing sheds to go onto the field, he spotted them and came over to pick them up for a hug and a kiss.

My DGS is a georgous soft squishy boy as well.

Love the girls to death but they get a bit bossy as they get older

I'm always just befuddled and confused and saddened when I read of people having a strong desire for a girl. I think it says alot about our society, and not in a good way

I find this very odd. I had a secret hankering for a boy with this one (our first) but only because there are so many girls in our circle I thought it would be nice to add a little boy! But this was a 1% thought in the back of my mind, a "wouldn't that be nice" as against an: "I WANT a boy." Neither DH or I cared a jot, and when we found out that she is a little girl (25 wks pregnant now so still a way off) we were just so thrilled that she had everything where she should etc! The sonographer asked us if that was what we wanted to hear, we didn't really have an answer. Neither of us were bouncing off the walls as we wouldn't have cared either way.

I find the whole concept odd. But this is our first, don't think that makes a difference though.

I really think it is linked to the perception that you will become the "MIL" and not have a strong relationship with your son in the future.

You only have to look at some of the stories on here to see how MIL's are thought of. The wife's mother is seen to be a more integral part of the family than the father's.

Where as daughters are seen to maintain their relationships with their mothers and remain close.

I have always wanted a daughter and having no sisters or mum(she died 5 years ago) even more so. I am pregnant with baby number 4 and had my 20 week scan today and its a fourth boy, yes fourth! I am really sad at the thought of never having the mother/ daughter relationship,( we cant afford anymore children or find the energy!),I will never see pink things in my house, do my daughters hair or nails, have girly shopping days , take her dancing etc etc .While I am grateful to have 4 healthy boys, it still just feels so unfair when I see all my friends with their little girls and I cant help but feel jealous. Is there anyone out there who can understand how I am feeling or who has a similar experience? thanks xx

WHy resurrect such an old thread? You should be thankful of a healthy baby tbh, I don't understand why people keep going and going til they get the 'right' kind of baby.

Zeppo, whether it is right or wrong, Erialc is upset and cannot help the way she feels right now. I cannot personally understand gender disappointment, I have not experienced it myself. I do however feel sorry for Erialc. Hopefully someone will be along soon with some useful comments.

erial: But why do you assume if you had a daughter she would like pink, want her nails done etc etc. just because presumably that's what you like?? She might want to emulate her brothers?? It really irritates me when people say they want a girl so they can dress them in pink or a boy so they can go to the football with their Dad. You're already gender stereo typing before the poor child is even born.

My parents had three girls before they had my much longed for brother. I know my Dad has felt a bit of disappointment over the years (never actually verbalised it obviously) that my brother didn't seem to like all the male things Dad did and to be honest they're not that close. Dad really wanted to buy him a train set but he was never really interested.

Babies are individuals with their own likes, dislikes and personalities and not toys dolls to play dress up with.

I had no idea that people wanted girls more than boys - it is not something I have come across at all. I have a DS (3) and am pg - most people (read strangers) have assumed I would want a girl, when actually I would be thrilled with either, but had a little secret wish for a brother. Turns out I AM having a boy, and am very happy. I am not planning anymore. I know that people think that a mother/daughter relationship is a wonderful thing - and it can be - but it completely depends on the characters. My MIL has a terrible relationship with her daughter and rarely sees her grandaughter (and neither of them get on with MIL's mother, DH's granny - can you see a theme developing?), and actually sees my DS more and is closer to me.

Anyway, am off to watch that programme on 4OD!

my mum is one of 3 girls and a boy. my uncle was born first and my grandma always said that she wanted another boy. She says
(in front of my aunts who are the youngest 2) that she wished the 3rd had been a boy and she only had the youngest to have "one last go" for a boy, if my aunt(2nd youngest) had been a boy she would have stopped. feel sorry for my aunts when she says that. I find it quite ironic too as my uncle has not spoken to my grandparents in over 20 years!

"I am really sad at the thought of never having the mother/ daughter relationship,( we cant afford anymore children or find the energy!),I will never see pink things in my house, do my daughters hair or nails, have girly shopping days , take her dancing etc etc"

My daughters spent today hanging out of tree's wearing jeans and football tops and ended the day by telling me they hated me and wished their siblings had never been born, also my fault, despite the fact I have spent £300 I don't have entertaining the buggers this week.
My friends boys do not choose clothes/shoes in shops and then refuse to wear them a week later.
Girls are hard bloody work in my experience.

I gave birth to 2 girls after having 4 boys. I tried to improve my chances of having a daughter for my third pregnancy by following Dr. Shettles, Hazel Phillips and Gender select and got the most wonderful son a Mother could ask for, who I love dearly. However, we thought it would be nice to have a mixed family of boys and girls and were willing to try again and we didn?t mind if we had another baby boy because our other boys are lovable, cuddly and so adorable. It occurred to me that my physiology was such that my cervix was quite low so that during intercourse sperm were deposited at my cervix without having to travel through an acidic vagina. This gave an overriding advantage to boy sperms even with using the above methods. I read in Dr. Shettles book in the Chapter Trying for a girl that failures of contraceptive creams used with a diaphragm tend to result in baby girls. So we set to work... We continued to do everything recommended in Dr. Shettles book meticulously, plus my husband kindly wore 2 pairs of tight fitting brief?s and took warm baths during the week before I ovulated. I ovulate on day 11 so once my period was over we had intercourse as frequently as we could manage until day 7 to lower my husband?s sperm count. Then on day 8 we had intercourse using a diaphram, however, I only put 1-2cm of contraceptive cream on the inside of the diaphram and I removed it only 1 hour after intercourse instead of leaving it in for 6 hours. This meant that the sperm had to spend 1 hour in my vagina before it could move through my cervix to my reproductive organs, and the small amount of contraceptive cream would create an acidic environment around my cervix. This would severely hamper the boy sperms and give advantage to the girl sperms. I got pregnant with my 2 baby girls using this method I know the sceptics will say I may have had girls anyway but we are convinced that after 4 boys the chances are we would have had another 2 boys without this help. I also bought an ebook called You Can Influence the Sex of Your Unborn Child by Meli Pavlovec, M.S. with Dr. Ivette Vizvary,Psychologist who observed that families where the woman is the primary, more influential partner usually have boys and she recommended that for the three months prior to getting pregnant that a woman trying for a girl would play a secondary, supplementary (a more passive role I think) in the relationship and the husband be the more influential force in the family, while the wife goes along with her husband and encourages and supports him and maintains a positive, admiring attitude towards him. The Writer maintained that the woman?s attitude to her partner caused a certain type of enzymes to be produced around the woman?s egg that would attract either X- sperms or Y- sperms and that physical chemistry and changes in your relationship can influence the gender of your child. We also tried this method I?m not sure if it worked but it was interesting and I?d say it even improved our relationship.

Zombie thread! Let it die.

WIth DC1 i really wanted a boy. He is gorgeous and 2.5. Pg with DC2, and tbh, I really want another one! We'll see, but will ask at 20 week scan.