8 boys and wanting a girl

[icarriedawatermelon2]

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

This programme was a real eye-opener. I have encountered both men and women desperate for a boy, but never anyone desperate for a girl. And in all the cases on the programme it's the woman who wants a girl, the man isn't bothered - he would be just as happy with another boy.

Heartbreaking scene - the mother of 4 returning from her scan, "any joy?" says her dad, "no" she replies. No joy. She is expecting a healthy boy and that's not a reason for any joy.

Like many posters, I feel so sorry for all the unwanted boys. And I feel sorry for the husbands - what do they see in these neurotic women?

I felt sorry for these women.

I dunno - all the people saying 'just be grateful for what you've got', would you say that to somebody with a child or children who desperately yearned for one more to 'complete the family'?

Loads of people come on here with that problem and they get support and understanding - isn't it the case that you want what you want, and even if you have a seemingly perfect life you can still be totally unfulfilled as you don't have as many kids as you want to have?

FWIW I want a girl too, but not to the point of worrying about it or 'disappointment' if I don't have one. I think that if you've imagined yourself all your life having a daughter or a son, then the readjustment to make to never having one could be very tough.

I am not sure why I would feel sorry for them for having healthy boys?

Nor me. The way that woman burst into tears when she found out she had a healthy baby boy was awful. I was more together than that when I found in the summer that the eldest of my two lovely boys has a form of autism. They all had lovely healthy children. Also I think going on TV to let the world know how disappointed you are to have all boys is pretty awful. How are those boys going to feel watching that back one day.

I was so sad to see that the woman with twin girls did not include her boys in the documentry (except for a short clip on her wedding video). Her boys looked gorgeous, yet it was the girls who were getting all the cuddles, attention and new clothes. My 10 year-old son (I have 3 boys) watched it with me and said "Don't those women like boys." The woman in America should try harder to do the things with her sons then she might have something in common with them. My boys do kick boxing and so do I. My boys love sport and so do I. I get excited about what they are excited about - that's what being a parent is about. Who says a girl is going to love playing Barbies and dressing up anyway!!

I noticed that too, FF. Felt very sorry for her poor boys.

I'm not sure I feel sorry for the husbands either. Why did they let it get so far? If my DP felt I was on a downward spiral of disappointment and neglecting the kids we had, he would not pander to me, he'd make me see sense.

exactly VigourMortis. I know DH would say to me to just accept what i've got and be happy. luckily I genuinely am happy with my lot so can't really relate to these women. they just seem to dwell on what they don't have, rather than appreciate what great boys they have raised. their depressing nature must have an effect on those boys.

so true Vigour my DH would have kicked me into touch!...I understand disappointment...but how can these mothers not know this is affecting their sons?..its heart-breaking and selfish in the extreme imo

MorrisZapp, but isn't that the whole problem: the strength of feeling of needing a girl?

I think nobody with any sense/empathy would critisise a mother (or father, for that matter) who had a hankering after one sex of child or another, particularly maybe after having had lots of one flavour or the other. But so totally dismissing the existing children and going out of their way in terms of nervous energy, money, time, focus to get what they want - really, really reminds me of stroppy toddler where there is only their will or nervous breakdown ie v immature behaviour.

And yes, where are the husbands/partners in all this?? I will not marry you until you give me a daughter, wtf? Why did he not run screaming for the hills?

Like some others on here I am not sure that there is an anti-boy bias and am a bit that the program only featured families with lots of boys wanting a girl, rather than also include those with lots of girls wanting a boy (and I know expamples of that scenario in RL).

I missed the end of the programme- think it was after the woman cried after finding out she was having a 5th boy. what else happened??

I also felt so sorry for the boys of that woman who just kept going on about her twins.

I know i dont know her, but i dont think its unreasonable to presume that they dont get a look in and that her girls get priorty over everything.

morriszapp i agree with you

the women knew their strength of feeling was not 'normal' are we condemning them for that?

i can relate to how they are feeling. i would not have wanted all boys. my husband has a male dominated family and if you wanted a girl it meant having 5 boys first. i was told by my father in law that their family did not have girls.

i was really pleased when i produced 2 girls then i had a boy. they are all great but the boy is alot easier. the girls are teenagers and very moody.

i am not sporty and i like doing girly things so i think i would not suit an all boys family. i do sometimes think though what it would be like if i had just boys.

I suppose they had boys as perhaps they could not carry healthy girls and it was the way their bodies worked. as you say healthy happy babies is all that matters and to be thankful you can have children

It's sad that the women feel so strongly as to be disappointed with a healthy baby. I don't condemn them, just feel so sad for them that they feel that way.

To quote my mum, "After going through labour, I'd be happy with a rabbit if it was healthy!"

I found it really sad. I can understand people being disappointed if they have lots of one sex (either sex) and none of the other but these women's feelings were extreme.

I couldn't relate to them at all because I would have been more likely to have been the other way around. I have two beautiful children; one DS and one DD. They are both wonderful but I think I'd have been more disappointed to have missed out on a boy than a girl (disappointed, not heartbroken).

As lots of posters have said, a child can have all sorts of characteristics, regardless of their gender. I always assumed a daughter of mine would be a tomboy, as I am, but my daughter couldn't be more pink, fluffy and Disneyfied if she tried!

My Dad is one of 8, he has 7 sisters. Everyone always assumes he is the youngest....he's actually the 3rd youngest so I'm not sure that proves anything other than that my grandparents enjoyed reproducing

Strawbezza I thought that was heartbreaking too. 'Any joy?'

Just seen this a little late in the day. I watched it at first thinking they should be grateful for what they've got but it left me with some sympathy for these women. I thought they were very open and honest on camera about their desire to have a daughter when they must have realised they would come in for some stick. I felt they genuinely couldn't help their feelings, it's almost like an illness. Yes they're extremely lucky to have healthy children but human nature is such that we want what we can't have. I'm sure they'd have given anything to lift the black cloud over their lifes.

maybe it's only mums of all boys who notice the prejudice against boys these days but I am amazed at the misandrist (?) comments mothers feel they can get away with these days that they would slap you for if you said similar re their daughters.

Think it's very much an under-40s thing too: post feminist generation. my mother had two girls and then a boy and was made to feel she hadn't really cracked it until she had the boy, whereas today it's definitely the other way round.

It's a general societal antagonism to and impatience with men though that seeps into parenting: you see it in ads, tv progs, in which men are lumpen numbskulls and girls/women have all the nous, commonsense, emotional skills. In my view this is feminism's worst legacy, that it's unleashed such fear and loathing of men and poor little boys.

have just read a lot of the other comments on this thread and it occurs to me that the reason there is so much more girl stuff in the shops is because those clever manufacturers have worked out that women shop a lot for clothes etc and stuff and they are simply targeting their bigger market/potential market (young girls). catch them young .... women beware!

I can relate to these women, although I have a daughter.

I felt sure that she would be a boy which was perfectly fine as never had a preference however now I have DD I have no desire 'to try' for a boy.

There is a possibility that I may not be able to have more children and if this is the case, so be it, I feel complete......however I think had DD been a boy, I'd have been sadder at the prospect of never having a daughter than I do at the prospect of not having a son. I don't know why that is.

That said, I hope that the women can now concentrate on their boys and accept what they cannot change, and make the most of the lovely children they have.

There was something incredibly sad and melancholy about this programme, and a couple of the women actually seemed slightly obsessive and irrational IMO. But then I have never been in that position, so I guess I can't judge. I always really wanted a girl, and was blessed with one thankfully.

But my cousin - let's called her Annette (not her real name) had all boys. Firstly, she had one in 1984, then one in 1985... After the first two she seemed ok, but said next time she has a baby, she really would like a girl. Then in 1990, she had another baby; a boy. She was very disappointed.

Then in 1993, my OTHER cousin - let's call her Terri; had her fourth child (she had already had 3 boys,) and it was a girl, and Annette just cried and cried and whined 'it's not fair!!!'

My uncle Bill (not real name,) who is Annette's dad, has his own successful business and their family is rich. He bought her her own bungalow for a wedding gift for goodness sake. She also has a new MINI for her 18th birthday! But she never managed to get that one thing she always wanted; a daughter.

in 1994, she had ANOTHER stab at having a girl. It was a boy, and she screamed and sobbed when the midwife told her, and said 'I don't want him, I don't want him!' Even now - 15 or 16 years on - she doesn't really have much of a relationship with him. She was 35 then, and gave up trying.

I had MY daughter in 1995, just a few months after she had her fourth son, and she went into meltdown. She screeched at my auntie (her mom,) and yelled at my mom 'how come SHE gets a girl with the FIRST one?!' Since 1995, she has not acknowledged me. Bit harsh I think LOL. No loss for me though, as she is a horrid and petulant spoilt brat!

But I do agree with the poster above, that LOADS of people seem to be desperate for a girl when they have all boys. People certainly seem a lot more desperate for a girl, more so than a boy... In this part of the world anyway... In other places; Africa and Asia especially, they seem to favor boys.

Personally, I think boys are great, and although some girls are nice, there are certainly more mean and spiteful girls than there are mean and spiteful boys! My 14 y.o. daughter has had soooooo much trouble from nasty teenage girls in the past, and recently, but and boys don't seem so evil! Not all teenage girls are evil of course LOL, but there does seem to be more nasty girls, than nasty boys. But I really did want a girl! And I am so glad I had one, as I love her to bits.

If I had ever been blessed with another child, I would not have minded if it had been a boy, but yes, I did really really want a girl, and I do have the most amazing and awesome relationship with her. We go shopping, we go to concerts, we have huge girly chats, and I even have her clothes that she doesn't wear any more as we both lost weight and am a UK size 14/16 now, and she is a UK size 12. She is actually my one of my best buddies and I would never swap her for anything.

Have to say that I found the woman with the much older husband, (the one who eventually had 2 girls,) very annoying and smug, with her 'perfect life,' and 'perfect family.' I couldn't guve a rats ass what she has, and she seemed to be implying that other women should probably be jealous of her. Silly moo. PLUS, she refused to marry her partner, until he 'provided her with a girl,' For Goodness sake! If I had been him, I would have binned her a LONG time ago,

I felt very sorry for the blonde lady who sobbed when she saw the scan and her fifth baby was a boy again though. Are they downright ungrateful though? Or is it a rational and acceptable way to be?

I thought the woman who said that having no girls was as hurtful as not being able to have any children was extremely offensive.

I have friends who can't have children and there is no way they would agree with that.

A healthy child - isn't that what it's all about?

I've just found out that I'm expecting DD4 and am delighted - there is something v.special about same sex families. But I already feel defensive about people's response to our news - I mean, I appreciate their sensitivity, but when we tell people the reaction is most likely to be a pause and 'how do you feel about that ?' rather than 'whoooooop !!! that is fantastic news'.
I do understand the yearning to have both sexes - this is our last, so I'll never have a son, and part of me wonders what that would be like.
But, I will be mum to FOUR daughters !!!! which is an incredible privilege (probably am slightly nervous about teenage years, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there !!).

four Congrats on your DD to be!!

You can't win either way though.

We had 2 DS then a DD. Loads of people said, "ooh are you stopping now you've had your girl?"

No. We stopped because we wanted 3 and 3 boys would have been lovely too.