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AIBU?

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Original poster

8 boys and wanting a girl

408 replies

icarriedawatermelon2 · 02/02/2010 19:10

AIBU to think that this programme was very unlikely to ever be called 8 girls and wanting a boy poor boys

The comments on the website about the programme are so sad

www.channel4.com/programmes/8-boys-and-wanting-a-girl

OP posts:
jellybeans · 05/02/2010 13:25

The one who has just had boy no 5 (4 weeks ago) is already talking of having another try. She didn't want any boys apparantly yet now has 5. I read somewhere that her DH has more kids inc a girl to an ex. So she already has a SD. I feel so sorry for her boys as you can tell that she just doesn't enjoy them at all.

LouMacca · 05/02/2010 13:41

jellybeans - haven't seen the update on that couple yet but I'm not at all surprised. I said to my DH when it finished I bet that she will carrying on trying until she gets a girl. I wondered if her DH sees his daughter? She wasn't mentioned at all was she?

jellybeans · 05/02/2010 13:47

Hi no it didn't mention his daughter, I heard that from someone else. I think she said in the interview that she would try high tech next. Not sure what that is, maybe the same thing the lady with twins had?

kickassangel · 05/02/2010 13:49

hmm, in my family boys were always seen as being 'special' - you know, the whole son & heir thing.

and i've heard several people in RL comment on 'ah, they got a boy, that's good'. as if you NEED to have a boy to carry on the family name. i grew up with the impression that you were supposed to have a boy first, cos then you had 'done your duty', girls were just 'extras'.

and no, i don't have a great big stately home to inherit or anything, it was just the prevailing attitude that i heard when growing up.

personally, i think believing that one is better than the other, or that they will conform to certain stereotypes, is just plain silly.

pranma · 05/02/2010 14:51

Did you notice how incredibly 'girly' the younger boys of those families were ?Fair enough if that was the choice for all the boys but it didnt seem like that.One blonde ringleted boy with several short haired older brothers.....

VigourMortis · 05/02/2010 15:09

In answer to undercoverelephant although you can donate eggs (many do because clinics offer half-price treatment to donors) it's very difficult to donate an embryo, in fact my clinic likened it to an adoption - I would have needed to be screened before donating for diseases and had my background checked for hereditary illnesses etc. which would have slowed everything down by six months.

I asked about it because if I had ended up with more embryos I was allowed to use (3 over 40) I wouldn't have wanted to freeze them but I would have been unable to 'discard' them. In the end I had three embryos and my doctor advised me against putting them all back because I'm a bit old to carry twins. I couldn't bear to leave any behind though, so I had them all put back - and got my beautiful DS .

sophieandbelly · 05/02/2010 15:11

well i was getting so pissed off with the program that i coulnt watch any more!! that nicola woman, how dare she liken not having a girl to having fertility prob, she will never no that agony, so how could she compare aaaaggghhhhh.
the woman with the tears etc, yes its must be dissapointing but my god, she was only nervous of the scan beause of the sex not one mention of is it healthy etc.

i was very nervous at scans as all u want is a healthy bubba. we didnt find out (we had dd) now on 2nd and yet again either is welcome, just b blessed with what u have not everyone has the chance x

mistletoekisses · 05/02/2010 15:29

I watched this program just now and has saddened me incredibly.

I don't feel sorry for any of the women in this program - all have been blessed with healthy children.

I instead feel sorry for the boys to these women. I could not imagine crying at the 20 week scan that revealed a healthy baby simply because of its gender. That poor child is coming into the world unwanted by the mother. Through no fault of his own, he is a boy.

Shame on all the women - if your level of sadness / bereavement is so acute, get some counselling and work on your issues. And be grateful for the healthy children you have. Some people really need to learn the lesson in recognising the value of what you have got. And not wishing your life away for a dream that is totally out of your control.

jellybeans · 05/02/2010 15:50

This article about it is good
here I agree that this is a lifestyle dissapointment not a medical diagnosis.

Nancy10 · 05/02/2010 15:59

That program was harder to watch then I thought. I was so angry by all those selfish women. I love my boys for the little people they are and I do not see them just as a gender. I have always liked the idea of having 4 children so I may possibly have a girl in the future. But if I have another healthy boy, what more could I wish for. I'm already thinking of witty remarks I can say to anyone who says anything negative.
Gender disappointment needs to be relabelled as Selfish Women Who Can't Get Their Own Way!These women need a good slap and to step into reality, maybe visit families with seriously ill children or those who have lost their children. I almost thought it was verging on child cruelty, those poor boys, it's a shame they can't change their ungrateful, far from perfect mothers!

pinkchampagne · 05/02/2010 16:19

I couldn't get over the whole panic before the 20 week scan in case the baby was the "wrong sex."
That scan is really to check everything is ok with your unborn baby & I have known a few people who, at this scan, have found out their babies have terrible conditions which has meant they have had to terminate. That woman didn't seem nervous about the health aspect of the scan at all, just whether it was a boy or girl.

Maybe it is something they struggle with, but they shouldn't keep bringing new lives into the world if they are only going to be happy if they are of a certain gender. These are children you have to bring up for life, not a lucky dip!

Lulumama · 05/02/2010 16:26

I felt sorry for the hsuband of country house lady, she only felt he was worthy of marraige when she had her girls but then that's his problem too.

i felt terribly sad for the woman who'd lost a baby girl , that at least seemed like a reasonable driving force behind her yearning

the other woman seemed terribly ott, saying about not being able to afford PDG, perhaps she should not have simply carried on having babies , but had the PDG and not been so awfully disappointed with her 5 boys. her husband seemed so awfully resigned to it and felt hurt /rejected as he is also male and clearly second best.

the discarding of hte unwatned male embryos was shocking, i wonder if there is any egg/embryo sharing shcemes in PGD?

such a cruel irony she got a girl embryo and hten miscarried, but it seems that none of them had really dealkt with - what if i don;t have a girl? and that really needed to be addressed

a very interesting programme, that also made me sad/angry.frustrated

the boys are all going to be so aware they are second best, which is just tragic

Two4One · 05/02/2010 16:31

I've just watched the clip on the C4 website from the woman with 5 boys. Twice she said it's ok for people to have a preference for a certain car or a pair of shoes, so why not the gender of their child? WTF?! And all that about just wanting to "raise awareness". As if she was spokesperson for a cancer charity or something. Raise awareness of your monumental selfishness? You certainly did that lady. I thought they must all have been mentally unhinged actually - not just for feeling the way they did - but for willingly going on national tv to talk about it. What must their friends think of them today? And their poor little boys?

The American woman made me feel murderous. Rejecting the male embryos like they were nothing to her - does anyone know what happens to them? Are they just discarded? Maybe I'm naive but I didn't know that was legal? Creating new life in order to kill it. It was mind-bogglingly scary stuff. Pure, undiluted, human selfishness.

PJsAreClothesToo · 05/02/2010 16:32

The woman who got the twin girls was hideous. All that projecting princess-shit onto them at the end. Oh, they're so girly. Oh, all they want to do is look at dresses. Yes, you fool, because that's all you've ever drummed into them that they are worth. Pink shit, sparkles and dresses. Good grief. I sincerely hope those girls turn out to be big butch lesbians who hate their mother and live in a truck with a woman named Gurt.

Lulumama · 05/02/2010 16:35

but i think it is , in extreme cases like this, a real psychological issue, to go to the expense of PGD or to keep having babies, to be utterly depressed and tearful at having a baby boy.. it is not a normal reaction is it?

even if you have a preference, you tend to get over it, if you have the opposite to teh one you wanted, in a short while. but to keep going and going and going to the lenghs that these families and others go to, that is not within the realm of the norm , surely?

sweetkitty · 05/02/2010 17:07

Maybe they should get together with the opposite gender disappointment people and simply swap babies

I felt so sad for the younger boys in each family.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 05/02/2010 17:28

I didn't like the woman with the twins. If someone told me I had to give them a son before they would marry me I would tell them to go fuck themselves, and see how they got on having a baby like that.

MumtoEliane · 05/02/2010 17:59

I have a girls and feel tempted to want a boy next, only to experience raising the other sex. BUT I would be happy to have another girl, as someone said before I might experience mild, momentarily bit of sadness, but that's it! I am so greatful to have one, that if I had two i'd be over the moon (either sex). In spain as people can't normally afford more that twon the ideal is to have one of each. When I was pregnant and they asked me what I wanted my reply was, I don't care and I kept being told "yes, the first one doesn't matter"!!!! I got so angry.

sasamaxx · 05/02/2010 18:04

What is wrong with the world???

A child is a CHILD - OK it's nice to have both but messing about with nature to make sure of it and actually considering terminating a pregnancy if it's the wrong gender?
Sick sick sick

lovechoc · 05/02/2010 18:47

I've just watched this online and i have alot of mixed feelings on it. firstly I feel pity for these women chasing a dream to want a girl. and the one who had 8 surely she must have realised the chances of her falling pg again would result in a...boy again???

I felt sorry for the one who had the scan and burst into tears when she found out she was having yet ANOTHER boy (what a total disaster for her). Most would just be happy that they're pg and leave it at that. Surely channelling some positive energy into her life to accept she's a mum of 5 boys would be more beneficial than dwelling on not having a daughter. Sometimes just making the most of what you have is the best way to go forward in life....

I am shocked that people think that way, surely a healthy baby regardless of gender is what is important. So many couples I know can't even get pg, let alone pick and choose what gender they want

Very emotional watching that documentary.

scot13 · 05/02/2010 19:18

These little boys were aware of their surrounding and their mothers longings...what does that do for self esteem? I would never even find out the sex of my babies because it should make no difference, cant help but wonder if the women in the show made the right decision getting a scan only to be depressed for the remainder of her pregnacy? They will soon have real problems to cry over when husbands have had enough of their selfishness..walk out the door taking their sperm with them!

MillyMollyMoo · 05/02/2010 22:24

Well I wanted 1 girl and got three and am now expecting a boy. Frankly you'd think my beautiful girls were spare parts waiting for the prince, the real child to arrive

I have to if I really felt the way those women do about having such a preferance I'd have just had the one child.

NotAnOtter · 05/02/2010 22:38

met a woman at toddlers this morning
told her i had 6 dcs
when i said 5 of them were boys her smile changed to a grimace which lasted over a minte

sweetkitty · 05/02/2010 23:07

MillyMollyMoo - same here DS expected after 3DDs and I will do everything in my power to make sure my girls know they are not spare children probably as I was the "mistake" before the real child arrived in my Mothers eyes, could quote such gems from her as "a woman is not a real woman until she has a son" "all men want a son and if you cannot have one he might leave you" grew up being told girls were inferior to boys in every way possible and we were only put on earth to have babies and look after men! Honestly.

Otter - sad sad woman probably just jealous you have such wonderful children

NotAnOtter · 05/02/2010 23:22

thanks sk x