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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to say what I really feel hear goes?anyone else care to share

286 replies

mummybegood · 01/02/2010 21:04

Fil & Mil no I dont want you phoning me everyday and checking up on the kids telling me what best for my children and no I dont want you to just tell me your coming over now without asking its not convient.
I really need to grow a backbone and say how I feel to people but in a nice way instead of being walked over like I do aibu.

OP posts:
daisy5678 · 03/02/2010 20:23

To the MN poster who annoys me beyond belief: stop lying. You get (and should do) enough sympathy without making stuff up too. Or at least lie well and don't contradict yourself. Thanks.

To mum and dad: you were shit parents to us all and you know it. Mum, stop trying to re-invent the past. Accept you were crap instead of trying to justify it all. It would be also nice if you could make more effort with my lovely boy.

To sister: Grow. Up. You are nearly 30. I have enough to deal with without being your second mother. I've done it for years but I can't do it any more.

To brother: she's turned you into something you're not and I miss who you were.

To friend: admitting your life isn't perfect isn't failure. Pretending your life is perfect when everyone, including you, knows that your dh is cheating on you and you should have waited a bit to have kids, is sad because it's like you're ashamed (and shouldn't be).

To my beautiful boy: I chose to have you in every sense. I hope that my actions haven't caused any of your problems, but suspect that I could have done a lot of things differently and I can't express how sorry I am for that. I will keep doing my best and I just hope that you will always know how much I love you, more than anything. I wish I could stop smoking for you. One day, maybe.

And my lovely lady in heaven: I miss you every day. I love you so much and I wish I had been there on your last day. I am so sorry that I wasn't and hope you understand. Me and my boy know you are looking down at us. Can you hear him shouting 'love you!'? I think you can. Thank you for showing all the love to me that nobody else did when I was a child.xx

Lovecat · 04/02/2010 00:02

To J - I miss you so much, lovely boy, and I so wish you could have been here so that DD could know what a fab uncle you'd have been. I hope your bastard murderer rots in Hell.

To D - I never replied to your abusive text because I knew that's the thing that infuriates you the most, having your messages ignored. But where the fuck do you get off ending a 10 yr friendship (well, a 10 yr emotional vampirism on me anyway) with a rude text because I didn't ring you when I said I would? If I had been bothered to text you back I would have said (and would have told you if you'd bothered to ring me instead) that DD had chickenpox, was dangerously ill with it and I spent the day (and much of that weekend) worrying over her instead of thinking to call you on your return from holiday. But never mind, I didn't call you therefore I'm the bitch and our friendship is over? Quite frankly I'm well rid. Oh, and the reason you keep having shit relationships is because you're an insanely needy, overly aggressive arse who expects the moon on a stick and gets abusive when it doesn't materialise. Why you latched onto me I'll never know, but by God it feels good not to have to see you anymore!

To my horse - you are special and I miss you but I'm never going to ride you again - you're too big for me, too stroppy and your current loaners love you more than I ever will now that I have DD. Sorry.

To V - for christ's sake stop with the pity party, you are becoming embarrassing and I do not want to be the last one you have as a friend, which is becoming increasingly likely the way you're going on. Your relentless negativity is doing my head in and dragging me down, please for both our sakes stop it.

To a different J - your husband is slow, slow, slow and I hate watching telly next to him as he always laughs about 10 seconds after the rest of us. He's also arrogant and pompous and the fact that you were his fourth affair that led to divorce means we're all worried the git will do it again and leave you and your baby. Your mother hates him but won't tell you. Okay, he's relatively sane compared with the others in your past but you could have done sooo much better....

To A - please, please stop assuming I know everyone you're talking about. You haven't told me. I don't know. It's not obvious. We live 250 miles apart these days, I am not up to speed with every passing acquaintance of yours!

DaniellaC · 04/02/2010 00:13

Mum,
I might be 18 now but it doesn't mean I want to work over 65 hours a week because you charge me a stupid amount of rent and expect me to buy food on top. I know you want me to move out and I'm trying but starting to rent a flat is hard work.
Please just give me a little bit longer to sort things out and I'll be gone. I promise.

Mumcentreplus · 04/02/2010 00:24

Dear Best Friend,
He is using you..and you need to tell him to fuck off..dont speak to him (unless you have to because you work with him but thats another story and he's 24 and you are 33 but his OH is like fifty... anyway) and certainly dont fuck him until he has made his choice..he's turning you into a woman you never were and it sucks..dont let him mess with your mind..I love you x

dear DH...we seriously need to decorate!!!..its making me fucking depressed..its wrong to use velcro and super-glue to stick up our living room curtains

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 04/02/2010 00:30

here?

babyicebean · 04/02/2010 00:32

Cat - Shut up, stop miowing,chirruping,squeeking and so on.When you sit on the windowsill or in the consevatry and go to hunt the birds in the garden you will hit the glass, everytime.Go out if you want to hunt.I have shown you the glass, you have bounced off the glass, you will get concussion if you carry on.

Boychild - STOP. LICKING. ME. ON. THE. LEGS.it is horrid.

theladyevenstar · 04/02/2010 00:40

Dad,
If i could just go back in time and change all the things i did as a teenager which hurt you I would. I have never felt pain the way i have since you left me, Holding your hand those last few minutes were the worst moments of my life. Did you somehow get the nurse to give you the extra painkillers?? Daddy, my heart broke that day for the second time in my life and i am fearful of trusting anyone without you here. You taught me to be strong but without you by my side i just can't keep doing it. Daddy, DS2's middle name is your first name because that is all i have to hang on to you.

Grandad,
You left me without saying goodbye, I asked you if what they all said was true that you wanted to die, and you told me "i didn't understand and you didnt want me to" I have lived with the wonder of what you didn't want me to understand now for 8 yrs, and it haunts me everyday. Did you really want to die? had you really had enough of the pain and suffering? Why did you listen when i was there with you and then the day before i was coming to see you rip all the tubes out? why Grandad? you promised me you would always be there for me.you knew me better than anyone, you knew how to make me laugh what to do when i was sad. You knew every part of me inside out you knew what hurt me. you knew when murphy raped me and you told me you promised me it would all be ok and that you wouldn't let anyone else ever hurt me. Grandad, you were the first person to ever break my heart and it has never mended.The last few months of your life you and i had some fun times while i was helping look after nanny, but nothing can replace you, your smile or your laughter.
I know you were in pain with your hands you never failed to make us laugh as children but making your fingers shake....and then in turn you showed DS1 the same,it was your way ofstopping us being scared, but i was never scared of you i loved you with all my heart.
You told nobody that you loved them, but you did tell me and sometimes at night i still hear you say it. Christmas day and Valentines day will never be the same in fact i really hate them. You would love DS2 he is a mini me and you know how you loved to tease me!!

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 04/02/2010 00:41

Sister - Stop being such a fucking stereotype. You know you can take good care of your DS without your friends looking down on you. You know you can cope with him. You know you don't have to lower yourself to the lack of standards that the InLaws seem to indulge . Fake tans and holidays to the Algarve do NOT a good Mother make

Also - your boat phobia is BS.

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 04/02/2010 00:42

Mum - PND is real. Deal with it.

theladyevenstar · 04/02/2010 00:49

this is something i have needed to get off my chest for many years now, so please feel free to skip it if you see it.

Murphy,

I did all i could to help you while you stood on the streets begging and trying to sell the big issue, i would walk from home to college so that i could buy you a sandwich and a coffee at lunch time. I was 18 yrs old and had done all i could even bringing you old clothes of friends so you had something different to wear. You seemed grateful for the help i did. I was the perfect lady towards you polite, helpful and caring, but i meant nothing by it.
You never said thankyou in anyway that i actually want to remember, i wish to god i could forget. but every day i have a reminder of you and what you did to me. Your thanks was to pull a knife on me and abduct me, you locked me up and you treated me like a piece of fucking shit. you scared my body and mind in ways that can never be erased, i fucking hate you you bastard i wish you would rot in fucking hell!!! why the fuck did you do that to me i did nothing to you. but you told the psychiatrists you loved me, loved me then why the hell did you cut me and rape me? i was a 18, studying and looking forward to my future, YOU fucked it all up, you screwed my head up. i fucking wish you were dead. but no as if that was not enough you then escaped from fucking prison and came looking for me....why? had you not done enough damage? you managed to get within 10 minutes of my home before you realised you were being hunted and fled to ireland and some poor woman had to fucking suffer at your hands. Murphy i really never felt i would feel hatred the way i do for you, you are not a man you are fucking scum, lower than scum.
you have fucked my life up for the last 17 years and i do not know how to change it, i hate seeing the scars from the knife, i hate the bad dreams which still haunt me at times and i fucking hate you!!!!!!

theladyevenstar · 04/02/2010 00:51

SORRY i went off on one there

Lovecat · 04/02/2010 00:55

{{{{{TLES}}}}} (I know it's not the done thing but so fucking what, you deserve a hug)

Mumcentreplus · 04/02/2010 00:55

it's GOOD thelady...let it all out

Mumcentreplus · 04/02/2010 00:58

Lovecat, i love to hug and I'm not ashamed...I'm a hugger too

theladyevenstar · 04/02/2010 01:05

Damn it i have not cried over this in 17yrs and now i am sitting here sobbing like a baby! I am so ashamed that i lost it like that then even if it is just typed...

theladyevenstar · 04/02/2010 01:07

on a brighter note i am a hugger too...

Mumcentreplus · 04/02/2010 01:15

its important to heal from something so traumatic...no matter how long it takes..I think you are super tls! let it out

coldtits · 04/02/2010 01:17

To my friend

there is no problem in your life. Leaving your husband, moving house again and again, saying 'this' is making you ill, and 'that' is making you ill, and 'he' is making you ill and 'she' is making you ill, freaking out when your children do normal children things - NOBODY is making you ill. NOTHING is making you ill. YOU'RE NOT PHYSICALLY ILL.

The man who abused you is dead, and I know you say you're relieved, but you never really got any closure on that, I know. If I knew where he was buried I'd piss on his grave, he never even went to trial, did he?

But the things he did, in the past - they are the problem. It's not your children, and it's not your house, and it wasn't your last house, and there were no ghosts in it, it's not your neighbours, or your brother's girlfriend, or your cat, or your husband, and your new boyfriend isn't trying to emotionally suffocate you, and the teachers are not picking on your children. They are making normal demands of you. I understand why you sometimes react abnormally but they won't and don't.

you need to go back to the councilor. they pry for a reason.

theladyevenstar · 04/02/2010 01:23

MCP, for years i held myself together because of my parents who obviously this affected badly, then i held it all together when my dad died because i couldn't show how i felt about anything as mum needed me.but sitting here tonight i was looking through my saved websites and came across the one about him and i just exploded inside and had to get it out.

and even then i stopped myself before i went too far with it.

1994

2009

my interview 2009

Lovecat · 04/02/2010 01:47

Jesus.

Oh, sweetheart, don't apologise for letting it out. It obviously needed to come.

Wishing you health and happiness (and lots of hugs!)

CardyMow · 04/02/2010 01:53

TLES I am in awe of how strong a person you are.

To the man who has destroyed 2 generations of my family - I have broken the circle. I may not have spoken up yet, but your time will come. My gran is very frail, and very soon, what I have to do to get justice for myself and my Dad and his brothers and sisters will be possible. You systematically ruined each and every one of those 5 children's life, and then tried to ruin mine. I am strong. You will not affect my life and you will NEVER even know that I have children. You will not be allowed to continue to do what you did to me and my Aunts and Uncles. I hope you die in a very long drawn out fashion, very painfully. Because of what you did, My Dad took his own life when I was just 10 years old. Just a week after I told him the truth about what had happened. I now know that was NOT my fault. It was yours. You will not control my life like that. I am somewhere you will never find me.

Queenbuzz · 04/02/2010 02:37

The ladyevenstar, reading what you went through puts all minor things/irritations into perspective.

I cannot believe how incredible you are, so kind and trusting and then having something so awful happen to you because of it.

I really want to send you lots of hugs to help make you feel better because I can't bear that your kindness brought you so much pain and suffering.

So here goes hugs 0000000000000000000000

I hope they reach you x

BaconWheatCrunchies · 04/02/2010 05:43

This has taken me all night to read, but thanks! Not sure I could add after TLES...

BaconWheatCrunchies · 04/02/2010 05:49

Brave lady

LittleMarshmallow · 04/02/2010 09:15

Lodger - Call my ds a bastard one more time and I will kick you out. You are not my mother stop acting like it.

to the doctor I saw yesterday - you are a twit and have no right to make me feel like i was being a burden on you.

Mum - No i wont forgive what you did those years ago and yes you were at fault.

xh - I am sorry we werent civil before you died, I wish we could have been but it was not meant to be.

feel better now