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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to say what I really feel hear goes?anyone else care to share

286 replies

mummybegood · 01/02/2010 21:04

Fil & Mil no I dont want you phoning me everyday and checking up on the kids telling me what best for my children and no I dont want you to just tell me your coming over now without asking its not convient.
I really need to grow a backbone and say how I feel to people but in a nice way instead of being walked over like I do aibu.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 02/02/2010 22:00

Dad, I tried, I really did, but you're a weak man and won't stand up to stepmother's manipulation and control-freakery. I'm sorry it had to end as it did, but you acted as judge and jury in a kangeroo court and diidn't allow me to have my say in my own defence because S-M had already decided I was in the wrong and you hadn't the guts to challenge her. We will never meet again and now I'm resigned to that but I wish it could have been different. We had so many years to catch up on and have both lost not just the past but the future too.

Step-mother, when you marry a man with DC from other marriages it's immoral and cruel to threaten him with homelessness if he sees them just because you don't like them. We did nothing to deserve that. You use people, you wanted us when you fell out with Dad and rejected us when we got too close. True family is more than just your own little unit.

Step-sister. I helped you when you came to me with depression, suicide attempts, cutting and anorexia. I never betrayed you, I loved you. You used my expressions of fear, frustration and exhaustion caused by sleepless nights and twisted it to cause a chain of events that you wanted but dare not act upon and lost me my father forever as a result. Although you were wrong I don't blame you, I don't hate you for it though I did at first. I know now that often people in your situation turn on the one they rely on if they fear that that person has others in their life who might take them away from you. I hope that you have overcome your problems and that you are safe and happy now.

TrinityIsFuckingTrying · 02/02/2010 22:25

springheeledjack
lol as soon as I had posted I thought
shit that might confuse people and I definitely dont want people thinking I am talking about craig

SpringHeeledJack · 02/02/2010 22:26

he sounds such a good lad- for a minute my faith in humanity was shattered

SpringHeeledJack · 02/02/2010 22:39

ds- if you ever say "I'm not going to live on an estate" again in that snotty little voice that I don't recognise, I will not just tell you off- I will go through you like a dose of salts

Jacksmama · 02/02/2010 23:32

GrumpyWhenWoken please come visit us over here!

To all those people who keep thinking they need to share any news with me about the couple who ran the clinic where I worked when I first moved here: "I don't give a flying fuck. They were horrible to work for. I am happy not to be there. I don't need news about them, not even that he's had his vasectomy reversed and she's now pregnant again. Why would I care? Thank you."

ItsGraceAgain · 03/02/2010 00:39

Dear Mum,
I know you are quite desperate to be loved. You're an old lady now and I wish you happiness - but I can't quite manage the sparkly adoration you require. And I'm not prepared to pretend any more. Sorry. I've respected your fantasy that you 'rescued' me 3 years ago, when in fact you trapped and controlled me, to make yourself feel better. You set my recovery back but I haven't told you that. I'm using this inspired thread to tell a bunch of strangers that I'm ANGRY at your neediness, your self-delusion and your vanity. At the end of the day, though, I'm a stronger person than you. And I don't pick on those who are weaker.

Dear DB1,
We used to be glittery, successful people having lots of fun together in expensive restaurants. I'm very sad that now, when I'm dirt poor and struggling to put my life back together, you feel uncomfortable around me. Also, I'm sorry for raising issues from our childhood that have made you feel bad. If I'd known how much unhealed hurt was still inside you, I'd have tried to soften it for you. I have just realised I need to write this in a proper, handwritten letter to you. So I will. I hope I don't hit the wrong spot again. All my love

Dear Friends,
Why the fuck are only TWO of you still happy to spend hours on the phone with me? I had a breakdown, not a lobotomy! Get over yourselves.

Dear People In Mumsnet Forums,
You. Are. Amazing.

ItsGraceAgain · 03/02/2010 00:46

Dear Donald Trump,
Please fire that conceited fat bloke with the glasses.

Ah ... Thanks, Don!

JjandtheBeanisaTwislut · 03/02/2010 00:52

SIL- stop fucking copying every single pissing thing i do, get, say about my kids, SO WHAT my 2yr old sayes less than your fing one year old, atleast mine calls me mummy and loves me deeply!

MIL- just stop.

DP- get the fuck off MY laptop and use your shitty pc

MUM, your my mum, act like it and stop complaining

Childless friends- your not fing skint if you can eat out 3 times a week, have 2 new cars and but a wii and wii fit!!!! OH AND YOUR NOT TIRED EITHER.

General public- HES A BOY, baldy is the girl.

and breath

SolidGoldBrass · 03/02/2010 01:17

Dear V
I'm sorry I haven't come to look for you ever. I'm not sure I ever will. That doesn't mean I hate you or haven't forgiven you. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I can't face the huge upheaval it would cause so many people. But I do wish you well. And thanks. You didn't have to.

coolma · 03/02/2010 07:06
dawntigga · 03/02/2010 07:38

Dear friend.

I love you and always will, you were there for me when I split from ex-h and helped me through a very bad time. I was there for you when you split from R and helped you.

Yes, I moved on and moved out - so did you. I grew and became the person I always thought I couldn't. You haven't changed a bit, you still think that everything is set against you. You still think that emotionally draining people is the way to make yourself feel better. You still set ridiculously high standards for you boyfriends they can't possibly live up to and are then surprised when they fail. You continue to live your life in exactly the same way you always did and seem surprised that nothing changes.

NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNTIL YOU DO.

I wish that telling you this made a difference.

Tiggaxx

DuelingFanjo · 03/02/2010 08:38

it was a dig and so I think 4 minutes of stomping immediately after was well within my rights.

Shodan · 03/02/2010 09:11

DM

You know, maybe you should think about what DB said to you the last time he saw you. Sadly you weren't the excellent mother you say you were- 6 children can't all be wrong.
And stop saying nasty things like 'if you'd been a boy you'd've been adopted' to me. It's cruel and unnecessary.

Ex-friend.

You're a snob. And dumping me as a friend simply because you'd found a husband was shitty.

happystory · 03/02/2010 09:38

Ds: Please don't think dad and I have forgotten what it's like to be teenagers.We will miss you like hell if you go away to uni.

Dm: The world doesn't revolve around you. There is no conspiracy. People who do things differently to you are not doing it to spite you.My dh is wonderful and you should be grateful we are happy. Please be nice to him

Dfriend: I listened and listened and listened. Does it occur to you that now that I could do with a friend, your silence is deafening? With your new man, I feel you have no time for me- your friend of 25 years....

SnotBaby · 03/02/2010 12:26

Just a few things for the world at large:

Please stop telling me I am doing too much for others and running myself ragged if you are going to immediately follow that with "I miss you, I haven't seen you for three whole weeks, what about ME, when is it MY turn!!!"

Stop telling me I should be less proud and share my problems with you. In fact I have a handful of precious people who I lean on very heavily when I need to. If I am not confiding in you it's because you either just talk about the time you had it worse and handled it better, or you have a track record of gossiping. I am sorry that I cannot reassure you that you are helpful and reassuring; if you prefer to see it as me being stubborn and proud, then be my guest.

No, coming round to eat my dinner and then needing a lift home does NOT constitute "I went round to help with the baby."

And finally, dear family of origin, the buttons don't work any more because I have disconnected the keyboard. It is a scream to watch you resting both forearms on it and getting yourselves wound up. I know where yours are too, but I have made a conscious decision not to press them any more. I know it sounds sanctimonious, but really, there are kinder ways for families to relate to each other and I think we owe it to ourselves to try

Aaaaah!

TippyTumbles · 03/02/2010 13:35

Dear user friend

No, I will not stay in touch with you when I move house

No, I don't give a toss about your "illness", oh and btw were you aware that your perfect DH is screwing the sister of one of his employees?

justsue · 03/02/2010 14:08

Dear Dad,

I am truly sorry that you are now getting old and need my help. I am not sorry that I dont love you as a daughter should love a father because we never were. I will help you but I will never love you.

Dear Mum, I miss you every single day and I talk to you every day. I am so happy you are not in pain and have found peace

blinks · 03/02/2010 14:21

to my big fat stomach: FUCK. OFF.

Yzzil · 03/02/2010 14:40

DH - I am going quietly insane spending my days washing and cooking. I know DS is a very chilled baby and you're busy with work but it doesn't mean I have to do all the chores. I'm seriously thinking about going back to work full time before my full Mat Leave is up....

ADealingMummy · 03/02/2010 15:43

Dear Friend -
1.Stop fucking your married colleague after work.

  1. You are also one of the crappiest mothers I have ever met. Just because you had a crappy childhood, why repeat the cycle with your two lovely boys.
  1. When your married man's wife finds out the dirty little secret, you will not be able to handle the fallout.

(Vinegar tits , your post really made me laugh re ''not the hottest chilli'')

bratnav · 03/02/2010 16:30

Mum - I am so upset with you, I can't believe you thought it was a good idea to bring THAT MAN into our house at Christmas. For you to then throw a hissy fit and swear at my husband when he asked him politely to leave is inexcusable.

Dad - you are a total c*nt and I hate what you did to me and my sister when we were young. I know that we disappointed you by being female, but there was no need to treat either of us like crap because of it. Also, you invested money into a business with exH and I, YOU, an adult. I am sorry it failed and you lost money, but I can't believe you still blame DD2 for being born and distracting me from the business DS is beautiful, he is 5 months old, what a pity you have no interest in seeing him or any of your other GCs.

DSis - you cannot keep messing your DP around. Don't keep him hanging on just because you are afraid you will be broke and can't cope with your DS, it's just not fair.

DH - love you so much, but please try and get better soon, I don't know how much more I can take x

bratnav · 03/02/2010 16:35

Oh and Mum, you are NOT a social drinker, you are an alcoholic

2shoes · 03/02/2010 16:35

Dad, can't believe it will be a year on Sunday, I still think you are sitting in your house and that I can phone you,xx

Ispy · 03/02/2010 16:58

Sister - stop being such a hardhearted cow and just reply to my email.

MIL - You are a grandmother. I am the mother of my three children and I know best when it comes to them.

MIL - No, baby powder does not make nappy rash 'worse'. (besides the fact that you should shut the fuck up because it's your fault that he got nappy rash because you didn't change him and blamed dd for not letting you know that he had a poo

MIL - It's not ok to say when I come in the door after a 4 day break away, that I should have got my ds2 a car rather than a book as a present.

MIL - Stop taking over my house, my kids and my kitchen when you come to my house. Sit down and be quiet.

MIL - You have no idea how to behave. I believe it's termed as having no class.

cyteen · 03/02/2010 17:03

Dad: stop hiding your grief and pain in 'safe' subjects and start dealing with your anger. I know it's not directed at me but it's really unpleasant seeing the fun, loving man you were start to morph into the bitter, brittle shell your father was. I know it will break your heart to end up like him, but you don't seem to realise it will break mine too. You're all I have left now; my son, your darling grandson, needs you in his life, not ranting away into emptiness. Please get help. I love you.