to think there's a case for complying with a DH's sexual fantasy,even if you're NOT really up for it?

[WashwithCare]

Had lunch with some friends today, and this was the discussion.

20 years ago, I would have said NO WAY - sex should be totally mutual, pleasurable to both etc...

However, now I'm not so sure. My mate's H has hinted he would like to try X. My mate is OMG - NO!

However, she says she is still thinking about it... DH has been her love for 10 years. He has supported her. Never minded having virtually no sex for 2 years after a difficult birth and PND. Told her she was gorgeous and supported her fully every day....

So she is pondering whether he "deserves" X for super good behaviour - and because (we know he is the most faithful H ever) he is not going to get it ever, less she relents!

So I started off saying NO WAY - but as she spoke perhaps think her position isn't that unreasonable... But I am huge and hormonal... so what do I know!

Agree that it is a function of the body. I'm also with Malificence and LEM on being submissive in bed being very connected to trust, and finding it liberating that you can hand over control to your partner in bed, and reclaim it for yourself in a second.

I agree with Brahms and malificence - it is about being in control while pretending that you're not. It's fun.

I honestly cannot tell you why something turns me on. It just does.

Not even sure I want to know why, actually...

Dittany: all bodily function involve the body and the organs. Some BDSM sex doesn't involve the genitals at all yet the experience is counted as 'sex' by the participants. What do you think of people who pursue extreme sports which cause them physical pain and can involve a fairly large risk of dying? Would you say they are dysfunctional?

I'm not sure I would say sex is a bodily function really. There is an instinct and a drive for it, but you won't actually die from lack of it. It seems to me to be more of an activity, IYSWIM.

Hmm. I think it's true that for most people it is a sort of bodily function - a celibate (ie not having sex with anyone else) person who doesn't even masturbate may well have sexual dreams, particularly men.

Yeah, it's a tricky one. I do think it's a kind of need which is biologically programmed into us, but it's not really a life-or-death thing like eating.

Well it is a life or death thing if you look at it in terms as evolution. Overall I would say it qualifies as a bodily function, but like eating you can make it fun.

I see what you mean, Brahms, but I have seen an argument on here that the whole evolutionary thing of reproducing the species can also include non-reproducing adults who serve a useful function as support in bringing up the next generation without being over-burdened themselves, which is advantagous to the species generally, so at an individual level it doesn't make so much difference.

Also, shagging is good for you. Fact.

So it has a use even if you're not making babies.

who cares ?

it feels nice...and how you do it is up to you, as long as all parties are in full (non-coerced) agreement

waves at AF!! bit of a hi-jack (do you know, i was feeling really crap about that "other thread", i hate upsetting people - but i feel so much better now )

LEM - it's ok I don't mind being a bit pervy. Some of the things we get up to are remarkably pervy but it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, I am fairly 'out' if one can be such a thing

LMAO at boot kissing, they love it don't they?

What I really resent is someone who clearly knows nothing about it claiming anyone who fucks 'outside the box' is somehow damaged and reliving something.

Honestly, I see BDSM and fetishism as being just a sort of post-graduate sex, something very special and actually I feel very priviledged to be indulging - lucky me that I found it and that I can express myself in the way that pleases me and my patner.

Just some people here are magnificently blinkered and chucking accusations about to make their own position feel right.

It's not right or wrong it is just a different way of doing things, and for me, it is the best way.

trouble is though, only boots i have just now are a pair of ugg boots - mmmmmmm sexy!

Oh crikey I haven't the emotional constitution to be a vet nurse - not brave enoogh for that!

I agree that bdsm is a happy times thing too - because it requires a unique level of communication between those indulging it tends to be between people who have very healthy relationships and can really express themselves to one another. I can tell you I don't know any women or men for that matter involved in a full time ish DS relationship who ever feel ignored or unfulfilled. Some stuff people get up to boggles my mind, I might hate it for myself but i defend their right to do as they please in their own space.

eeew I don't do uggs..... tartyhighheels by name tartyhighheels by nature.

Bear in mind also that animals masturbate and so do small children - adult human beings have invested 'sex' with a lot of social and psychological significance but most mammals (including lots of young children) get pleasure out of rubbing their genitals without attaching any particular importance to it. Though some kids, unfortunately, find that a carer's horrified over-reaction can cause them a complex or two.

I like my sex like I like my ice-cream..good quality vanilla with chocolate sauce

masturbation is like being hungry and having a snack...sex is a full course meal with all the trimmings if you are doing it right

< waves back at lem >

some days, you just have to upset people...there is no other option

rather wish i left the post undeleted though - they were hey ho, one lives and learns - tis not real!!

she/he is at it again on another thread... what a lovely person (not)

he??? well i'll be fucked! actually it was all pretty grim and shook me up alot, i can tell you now because the OP (of the other thread) wont see it - but basically things like "oh, looks like your slipping into another nervous breakdown" "i pity you" all that sort of shit, on a thread started with someone with PND! I don't mind sharing that now

Sorry ladies, hijack over - i can never find a fecking private conrer to chat on here

mumcentre - vanilla with chocolate sauce? don't you know there are people on this thread like me who will interpret that to mean...................lol

I must admit to not understanding how people get off on "humiliation" during sex, either giving it or receiving it.
It shocks me that anyone enjoys having someone spit in their face / call them really degrading names or being forced to do things they really don't like for the other person's "pleasure".
But then I like having marks left on me and some people would hate that and see it as extreme, we all have totally different views on what is acceptable.

I suppose it's like anything else, if a particular thing becomes a need rather than a want , then it has progressed into a problem.

I know a couple, he is really into "sploshing" ( he doesn't know that I know he likes to be smeared in custard) , but his wife is getting really fed up because she feels his arousal is no longer about her, it's all about the activity. She also feels that now they have kids, making a mess is something she associates with them and she no longer finds it appealing in a sexual way and she can't understand why he is still as keen on it, it's causing issues not least due to his fantasy of having sex in a field full of cow pats - I'm not joking about that btw! Perhaps some people just don't know when to stop?

..like I didnt know that!..think what you will... just know I'm a virgin (hehehe)