to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

[kellze]

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

'of our relationship these past few months, we are more in love and committed now than ever before.'

then why does this woman even register enough on your radar to get upset about or start a thread?

DH and i are solid. if he had some gal telling him she loved him and wanted to get with him, it would be like water on a duck's back to me because we are that committed and love each other that much.

it would just be a non-issue.

I will talk to him about it, and I do welcome the advice and concerns. But some of this has been a bit harsh. I understand all the possible outcomes of my decision to be with this man in the country we choose, but will not accept that I am in any way prepared to ruin my childrens life for a romantic notion.

I possibly sound vulnerable because I am a bit at some of the comments made. But after a good cry and when he is back and we can discuss it in full face to face, I will definitely be less vulnerable. Ready to take him on and anyone else if needs be.

Thanks to all contributions. but all I really wanted tonight was to be very bitchy about this ex girlfriend of his.

Thanks Royal

kelize, your blind spot is not letting him go home now. That is a drop in the ocean as far as I am concerned.

Your blind spot is not insisting he move to the UK to be with you, ds and your unborn child, rather than the other way round.

He has already made the move. It is nothing for him to extend his stay in the UK. He has nothing to lose and you and your ds have everything.

Any man would expect to be asked to stay. I think dittany has a point when she said you are afraid to make that demand of him.

Wow, I thought I was more than reasonable letting DH have a week in Tenerife with the lads when I was pregnant - 5 months! - words fail me tbh.

You seem a rational kind of girl and are taking everyones comments with aplomb but please, please be very careful.

Ending up alone in a foreign country with no cash and nobody to turn to and unable to leave unless you leave your child behind is not a situation anyone would want to end up in.

I really hope he arrives next week and everything goes as planned but even if it does keep these points at the back of your head and if ever you feel unsure that he is not 100% committed you stay put and let him go back to Oz - alone.

'but all I really wanted tonight was to be very bitchy about this ex girlfriend of his.'

Because that takes the eye off the real ball: this dude got your pregnant and left.

We're harsh for pointing stuff like that out, but he's not for taking off and leaving you holding the baby.

I suppose I am a little afraid, but not of him saying no. I am afraid of not doing the right thing for us all. How could I not be. If it goes tits up I know what is at stake. I am trying to do the right thing for me. ds, baby and DP. Thats a lot to think about

The baby isnt here yet, thats why it made more sense for him to visit home now than when she is here.

It has been hard but would rather he went now than at some point in the future.

The very worst thing that could happen?? I guess he would say no and fuck off. But I don't think that would happen

he was in oz when we decided to move out there. i then changed my mind. And decided to stay here until after birth etc. He agreed it was a bit much and so is coming back.

I dont think I would be deported from Australia if we are married, have a child together etc. There are procedures in place for this eventuality and I have looked in to it. I have also discussed it with DP and he would never stop me from returning to UK with children if it came to that.

Don't.
Go.

Work, lifestyle, family, general going to the dogs of the whole damn country. My son bullied in every school he goes to because he is ginger, watching everything I loved about my life here disappear before my eyes. The lack of familial support. Lack of emotional support. If I am going to rely on one person for all this, then why not do it somewhere else. Somewhere we could actually make a life and start as we mean to go on instead of marking time.

My love, these are not reasons to give up the devil you know, as it were.
Compromise...2 or 3 years here, while you work on your support network here, if you're still unhappy with the UK, and you're still with your DF, then take steps.
You're rushing into this.
I know how the appeal of another country can pull you, but you should leave the UK with things that you miss, because you want to go, rather than being pushed (IYSWIM).

He's not pushing me to go. I really want to go.

No, I mean pushed by your unhappy circumstances in the UK.
I've got to go to bed now, but I'll look in on this thread later today, and please keep us posted about his return.