to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

[kellze]

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

Nothing for definite, but nothing in this life is

Today yes, they will, I am exhausted.

I really hope you change your mind again and stay here for a couple of years as a married couple first.

Emigration is hard, under the best of circumstances. It places a lot of additional pressure on an otherwise happy relationship. Having a very very young relationship, a small baby and a son with no friends and a new school aren't exactly going to help.

If you could settle down as a couple here first, get used to living together as a family, survive those first couple of sleep-deprived months first, moving to a new country would be so much easier.

The fact that you won't have a job on arrival and he's presumably not very qualified (if he wants to study after "bumming around"?) probably means there will be financial stress too.

Seriously, even if your marriage would work well under different circumstances, rushing things now might hinder that. Let everything settle down first, and then do the move.

Having moved to England 7 years ago, I'm talking from experience. I love it here, have chosen to raise my family here, but let no-one say those first couple of months were easy. And this was when I was still child free, stress free and well paid. I would not do it in your circumstances until the baby is at least a year old. At least.

She sounds sad and desperate TBH he has delt with it let it go

I agree the comment about actions rather than words. I always try to go by what people do not what they say. But sometimes life can be an adventure and a chance to live in Australia fora bit for your 11 year old and the new baby particularly if you're not giving up a secure £100k a year career in the UK for a man etc, might be fun. Most people don't regret taking risks and doing different things in their lives. I doubt a man of 25 would contest who got custody of the child anyway if it didn't work out and you might anyway owe it to the new child to stay near its father after a separation so it can know both parents.

Of course th eother issue about which I feel very strongly is that if your other child has a father over here who sees it I think it morally wrong to remove that chidl from the UK to Australia, very unfair on its father unless the father has chosen not to be involved. Indeed the UK father could get a court order - prohibitive steps or something to stop you taking the 11 year old out of the jurisdiction - so look into that too.

There are no issues surrounding my sons father as he has never had any access nor did he want any. I would never remove him otherwise, would be cruel.

DP has always treated me incredibly well and is always looking out for me and my son. I'm not sure why his being away for so long annoys so many people, it has upset me at times but only because I miss him, but it was the right thing to do at the time.

Atm the plan is still to go to Aus as soon as we feel able, which could be a few months or indeed years. We would rather sooner, for many reasons, to settle my son into high school, for him to finish his degree, for us to settle into new area and home life when there would be least disruption. To move my DS in a couple of years when he is halfway through high school and in middle of his SATS or indeed GCSE's would be ridiculous and inconsiderate. To leave it until after he finishes high school would mean having to face the possibility of his refusing to come and maybe even leaving him behind. Never going to happen.

Total aside here! He might need to repeat a year in any case. DS is going to need to repeat a year of YR1 because the kids start so much earlier here.

I was reluctant to bring my 11 year old son into this discussion because of the complete arse pounding I had already received and really didn't want to provide further material for someone to pick apart. Neither myself nor my DP has ignored nor disregarded DS's needs/wants in our decision and we both feel he would benefit from such a move.

I'm sorry, had a tough time last night.

I really am very sure of my DP and his fidelity and I am sure of our decision. We really did not take it lightly and have fully looked into all the repercussions . I do appreciate the concerns and advice everyone provided and I and DP (who has read this) will be discussing it fully. I just had a hard time with some of the posts as they became incredibly personal and bordered on attacks against me. Not something many people take easily I am sure.

Again, I am sorry for snapping.

Thanks, Hopefully whatever actually happens, because we all know how plans go with kids involved, it will work out with happy children and parents.

Kellze - I just read all this and I dont think you have anything to apologise for.
You put up with a hell of a lot on ths thread, your whole life has been picked apart and found wanting.

Not even sure why tbh - yes there are hurdles and imperfections but thats life, right? You are happy and trust your fiancee and you are in a far better position to judge than anyone else here.

Good luck, I'm sure it will all work out fine.

Just be smug that he is yours and she's just a lonely cow - with that kind of behaviour she'll probably stay alone for a long time ;-) x

I'll just reiterate- it has all been said with concern for you. I really hope you'll be happy and make the right choices for you.

Out of interest- how did he react to seeing what other people thought? I know some of it was harsh, but does he at least see why this woman is being out of order?

I think he can see some points but he was really very upset at many of the comments and disagrees, as do I, with the comments about him being a waste of space. He was most upset that I ended up calling him in tears and couldn't get through (damn skype) so left a tearful message along the lines of it's me, sniff, I'll call later, wail. He then couldn't get hold of me so was in a state until I woke up in a calmer mood and called him to explain. Poor bloke.

I wasn't explaining anything very well last night I'm afraid and found myself somewhat out of my depth. Can you tell?

I am much better today. My head is clearer and We have talked and atm still want to go ahead with our plans but we are open to discuss anyy worries and issues that come up and are ready to change plans in such a case.

Thanks to all and I know no one intended to upset me. I cry at everything atm so not to worry hey?

I've just read this entire thread and while I can't speak for anyone else, I am appalled that your partner has gone travelling for 5 months while you're pregnant and am very sad that you think that's okay. This is not sounding like a relationship of equals to me. And I would research very very carefully the laws around your children and your own entitlement to work and stay in Australia before you go anywhere.

And (you're going to hate me for saying this but I'm going to say it anyway as another single parent whose dad is not in the picture) I find it really strange that you and your partner both think that moving to Oz would be good for your 11 YO. You have been seeing him for a year FGS. He can barely know your son. Sorry, am not liking this whole thing at all

I don't think in the slightest that the man I am going to marry and who is a father figure to my son discussing with me and making a mutual decision about said childs future is odd. To me, it is the most sensible way to do it. What should I do? Ignore DP and his opinions when it comes to any choices regarding DS because he is mine? What sort of message does that send to DS? And what does it say to DP about my trust or faith in him? I still make most choices for DS because DP is away, but DP and I discuss every day what DS is doing at school, how he is doing, and if there are any concerns etc. Like any family and partnership do.

And has nobody on this entire thread never asked for any kind of short term financial assistance from their parents??

That short-term assistance hasn't extended to a timely flight back to his pregnant fiancee though, has it?