to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

[kellze]

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

dittany- makes perfect sense. I will think on that.

"If it didn't work out and he wouldn't let me move back to England with the baby, I would just have to stay put, but it would not be easy for him."

Don't you have to live there for 2 years after the wedding before you can apply for a permenant visa? You can't 'just stay put' if you are deported. Women are seperated from their dcs all the time in these situations.

We have to be together 2 years after the wedding yes, and if it came to it, I would fight tooth and nail to remove said child or to stay in country. This isn't some arab country where women are worthless and can be tossed aside. i am sure there would be things that could be done.

I am trying my best and in a situation that has the potential to be full of legal and emotional landmines, I don't think I am doing too badly. We do love each other, are committed to each other and we both will be doing anything and everything in our power to make it work. We talk every day for at least an hour a time. We discuss everything. Any worries and fears and also our hopes and dreams. We are both in it for the long run and even though he has been away, which I accept should not really have been as long, he is coming back to be with me and the children. He has had his worries and stresses about what we are planning, as have I,but we talked it through and clarified any plans/ issues. I think that as hard and scary as it all is/will be that it truly is the right thing to do for us all and that we will be very happy. I only regret that I have had to make contingency plans just in case.

I'm not talking about some Arab country. I'm talking about Australia. Standard residancy is one week with each parent. There isn't the resident and non resident parent situation you get here. They will not say that the baby is best off with the mother and let you leave the country with him/her. You will be vunerable as an ex on a spousal visa. It will take time and money for you to apply for a visa in your own right. Its a real risk and it happens all the time in Australia and even more so (irrelevently) in the US.

Gosh.

I will honestly think on and discuss with DP everything that has been brought up. Please don't be terrified. I am grateful for all comments and concerns though.

My parents aren't really talking to me.. totally unrelated but getting on an even keel now.

otherwise my family and friends are very happy for me though all have obviously said to be cautious.

kelize: "He is moving here at first. Which even though we decided to move there in the long run, is not something that should be ignored."

I don't understand this statement.

Did he at any point move to the UK for you. Or was he already in the UK for his own reasons and then met you.

I am trying to figure out what major sacrifice he made moving to the UK for you which equates to the incredible leap of faith you are making moving yourself, your unborn child and ds thousands of miles away from your support network and financial security.

After tonights discussion Blueshoes, I don't think I have a bloody clue tbh.

I do know how we feel about each other and I do believe that the leap of faith may just work. I would never have considered it otherwise.

He was here working/travelling when we met. And he is coming back next week to be with me and my son and unborn DD. I don't think I need him to make a huge gesture in this respect, he makes millions of small ones every day, just for me. It's not always the big ones that count. I am sure if I asked him and it were to become a big issue. he would stay. I don't want that though, I want to move over there and be with him and start a life together with a brand new start.

I'm as romantic as the next person, but I'm not sure that a leap of faith in a partner who has fucked off to the other side of the world for pretty much the entirety of your pregnancy is a good move to make, esecially if it could end in you being deported and separated from your baby.

I thought the crazy "finding himself on a bike ride through Pakistan" guy took the MN biscuit for walking out on his responsibilities, but your fella is giving him a good run for his money

I think that we are going to have an awful lot to discuss when he returns, though nothing new really. I think anyones family/friends would advise caution when there are children involved.

I'm kind of finding this a bit hard.

He hasn't in any respect walked out on me or his responsibilities. I have never felt that way but have missed sharing the baby stuff with him and missed him more than I could have possibly imagined. Obviously I wish he had never gone.

I am doing the best that I know how in respect of our future together and truly believe that we will make the right decisions.

I have almost no romantic bones in my body and have very few illusions about this whole thing. I would never consider going if I believed it would ruin my childrens lives. Would any parent?

kelize: "I am sure if I asked him and it were to become a big issue. he would stay."

Make it an issue. Make him stay for you, for your relationship.

If not for yourself, think of your dcs. They deserve a mother who would make sure their father/figure would stick around and in fact walk through hot coals for them. Not cut herself and them off from all support in a foreign country in pursuit of a romantic dream.

You say he would. So make him do it.

I never thought I did have a crazy romantic view of this. I really wish I did then I would be totally oblivious to anything said about him/us. But I'm not and can't be.

I would say that everyone has some delusion or blind spot in there relationships and in regard to the one they love.

be it ignoring an affair, the fact they are beaten by their partner, or the daily put downs that women put up with on a daily basis.

In my relationship, we decided for him to go home now rather than later. It has been awful. I hated every second of it. But in the long run, it isn't the worst thing in the world. He has also missed me every second of these last months.

I don't think he treats me badly and in fact has helped me grow immensely and given me so much richness ans strength in my life. And he would argue similarly that I have done the same if not more for him. We make each other happy and even with the slightly unorthodox nature of our relationship these past few months, we are more in love and committed now than ever before.

Well good luck to you girl- and good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. I hope you'll see these posts as coming from a position of concern for you- you sound rather vulnerable, and we'd hate to see it go tits up because you don't want to ask him to be a bit more measured and consider the possible difficulties with your plans. All the best.