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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD to go to university?

256 replies

WashwithCare · 19/01/2010 20:50

Chatting away on an unrelated issue, I uttered the immortal words "when DD goes to universtiy"... another mother immediately jumped in. She chided that I couldn't just "assume" DD would either want or be able to go to university..

DD is 3 and has just started pre-school. However, I definitely do ASSUME she will go to University, and not just any University, but a "good" one to boot. Preferably to do a 'proper' subject.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ssd · 19/01/2010 20:51

no, but you are being a bit daft

amidaiwish · 19/01/2010 20:53

no AIBU
but presumptious and the fact this has bothered you i agree with ssd, "daft".

GetDownYouWillFall · 19/01/2010 20:53

WashwithCare - you seem to want to start a fight with all your posts!

GypsyMoth · 19/01/2010 20:54

have always assumed some of mine wold go too....dd1 is planning to go. she's doing gcse's this year,so not sure if my early plans have somehow 'rubbed' off on her,or wether she'd go anyway

ynbu to want good things for her....but maybe a bit unreasonable to expect her to want it

Reallytired · 19/01/2010 20:54

I think you are nuts. She is three years old and hasn't even started school, yet you are planning her university education. What would you do if you later found out she wasn't academic or simply had no desire to go to uni?

Just because parents are academic it doesn't follow through that their children are.

Hulababy · 19/01/2010 20:55

YANBU. I suppose me and DH just assume DD will go on to university after school. I don't think it is a bad assumption to make. Rather that that undestimate what a child can achieve.

GhoulsAreLoud · 19/01/2010 20:55

Your trolling is so fucking boring WWC.

Please try harder.

GypsyMoth · 19/01/2010 20:56

what do you class as 'good' one? and 'proper' subject?

NotAnOtter · 19/01/2010 20:56

yanbu - i probably assume mine will from the start

Pikelit · 19/01/2010 20:56

Lawks! Poor child will drown under your expectations! Small steps, eh? Small steps!

LauraIngallsWilder · 19/01/2010 20:57

WWC - Is there nothing good on tv tonight?
Why not start a new hobby if you are bored

Trolling on mn is soooooooo last year

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 19/01/2010 20:57

don't put the pressure on her, christ - pre school? You sound a bit daft. I was the first in my whole family to go to Uni, the pressure was immense.

YABU - it's her life, not yours.

You can hope that she will go. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. University it not the be all and end all you know!

notanumber · 19/01/2010 20:58

Tamara Beckwith's parents probably thought that Cheltenham Ladies College was a sure fire winner in the good-uni-proper-subject category.

Still, dropping out at sixteen to have a baby aint harmed her none. She wears skimpy clothes in Hello! and goes on reality shows - it's good livin'.

What will be will be, WWC. No harm at all in having hopes and dreams for your babies. You might be setting yourself up for a fall if you believe that you can make it happen by sheer force of will though.

mrsboogie · 19/01/2010 20:59

trolling again..

/yawn.

nighbynight · 19/01/2010 20:59

ha ha just wait until your children are old enough to voice their own opinions.
I used to assume things like that as well.
(I am a great believer in sneaky propaganda though, rather than just saying straight out what you hope they will do.)

Original poster
WashwithCare · 19/01/2010 20:59

Reallytired - it's not so much a comment on my assessment of her academic brillance - more that I just see finishing university as a normal route - a standard requriement.

I wouldnt' expect her not to go university, any less than I would "anticiapte" that she'd leave home at 15, have babies and join the circus.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 19/01/2010 21:00

Low expectations for a child can be even worse for a child in the long run.

I don't think it is a bad thing to want your child to do well and assuming they will go to university is certainly not a negative IMO.

Obviously is wwc then went on to nag her child throughout school and push her over and over, then that would be different.

violethill · 19/01/2010 21:00

I assume my children will have minds of their own and do what they want.

I went to the University I wanted to go to, did the course I wanted to, and am in the career I want to be in; therefore I have no need to try to live a secondhand life through my children.

Now go and watch some telly OP

nighbynight · 19/01/2010 21:01

why are you so rude, mrsb? I dont see any trolling here.

Just starting a controversial thread doesnt make you a troll, if you are prepared to stand by what you have said, and engage in intelligent conversation - even if you appear to have different opinions from the majority.

AnathemaDevice · 19/01/2010 21:01

Expect it, but also expect her to feel like a failure for years if she doesn't go. I was the 'university baby' in my family. I've got an NVQ and a sense that I've let everyone down.
You should want her to be happy in whatever she does, be it brain surgeon, street sweeper or anything in between.

fluffles · 19/01/2010 21:01

yanbu to HOPE she goes to university but you're risking a really big dissappointment if you assume that it will definately happen and that it's the only way for her to get ahead in life.

what if she turns out to be an incredibly talented musician or artist or sports person, there are many reasons she might not want to go at university at 18 that don't equate to 'failure'.

weegiemum · 19/01/2010 21:03

What if she really wants to do Meeja Studies?

nighbynight · 19/01/2010 21:04

ds1 has got a plan to leave school and start his own business. I am biting my tongue on "BUt youve got to go to Universityyyyyyy!"
He may change his mind, or end up as a tycoon getting a degree when hes 40.

LetThereBeRock · 19/01/2010 21:04

Expect away but what is right for her may not be what you want for your dd.
It's her life and her choice.

You can be successful without going to university,not every career requires it and surely it's more important that whatever she does makes her happy.

Original poster
WashwithCare · 19/01/2010 21:04

By ILoveTIFFANY Tue 19-Jan-10 20:56:12
what do you class as 'good' one? and 'proper' subject?

Err... just being honest... before I get roasted alive...

Good Uni - a Russell Group Uni would be my pereference

www.russellgroup.ac.uk/

I would probably be happy with most subjects at these institutions.

If she went to Luton Uni to study Photography... well I think I would prefer her to run off with the circus... at least it would be bohemian...

OP posts: