To expect DD to go to university?

[WashwithCare]

Chatting away on an unrelated issue, I uttered the immortal words "when DD goes to universtiy"... another mother immediately jumped in. She chided that I couldn't just "assume" DD would either want or be able to go to university..

DD is 3 and has just started pre-school. However, I definitely do ASSUME she will go to University, and not just any University, but a "good" one to boot. Preferably to do a 'proper' subject.

AIBU?

dont feed the troll

No, you can't assume a child will follow in its parents' footsteps.

So I think it probably DD will go to university but won't assume she's bound to do a PhD.

Seriously, we're planning on it in terms of saving but then again if she becomes a teenage mum the cash will come in useful anyway.

weegie
cannot answer for the OP, but I would be suing the hospital where she was born for swapping babies....

luton uni....dear god,don't,its only down the road from us.

You know, the whole university thing has changed.

Like it or not, a lot of the options available to young people who didn't go the university route in "our" day have gone.

You no longer train on the job; apprenticeships are the stuff of history books.

Most of what would have been job training in "my" day is now done, under your own steam, at a university. And you have to pay for it.

Universities also have "bespoke" courses, which are basically job training.

On the plus side, it's rigorous, and it's yours, to take where you like.

On the downside - ££££.

It's part of what is meant by all these targets of 50% of dc attending a university.

So, actually, a lot of you who are slightly incredulous about the "of course-ness" wrt higher education may be in for a slight shock.

That said, I think assuming anything wrt to your dc is ... a hostage to fortune, really.

So I'm going to get slammed for assuming my DS (7) will go to Oxbridge? Better keep quiet, then...

By all means encourage, believe in her, support her all the way in what SHE wants to do, all the time guiding her along the way.

Nothing wrong with hoping your DCs will do well. Expecting them to is another matter.

We will be saving for DS to go to Uni, in case he DOES want to go. If he doesn't, it'll be a hell of a holiday for us

WwC you do make me laugh ..you must be sat there laughing your head off

WWC - whilst I said I agreed that yanbu to want her to do well and to go onto university, having seen your latest update I do think you are taking your expectations somewhat too far, at least whilst she is only 3! To stipulate the exact uniervisties and courses that are suitable is frankly ridiculous at any stage, let alone when she is preschool age.

Commiserates with ILoveTiffany... though perhaps you live in Cambridge?

Don't get me wrong - I would like her to be happy too... just as soon as she's finished university...

I can't really think of any decent careers you can do without a degree (if you exclude being a footballer, famous singer/actor etc).

Someone will now no doubt come up with something amazing, but that aside, graduates eearn more money and have more choices.

interesting ton see nottingham is in the russell group list. and salford isnt!! (will be remembering this next time my brother goes off on one about uni's not being as good as his!!)

my dd wants to do teaching. i dont think its beyond her,just been looking at her expected gcse grades, which uni's will look at too.she will scrape in,we hope.

but its the financial aspect which is worrrying. wwc are you putting money by for it now?

My highly academic and educated parents no doubt expected the same. Their eldest never went near a university but got a job as an able seaman and has worked his way up. Their youngest left uni after his first term and set up his own business: he has never needed paper qualifications because he has never needed an employer. The two middle ones got PhDs. We are all successes in our different ways and we have all found work that suits us. But our parents always found things went better when they were able to let go of assumptions and listen to what we were actually saying.

Speaking as a tutor at a Russell Group university: we're really only going to want to see your dd if she has a)the ability b)the WILL.

No - but money isn't really an issue for us.

I am actually surprised the other mums were so scathing - as a pp suggested, the labout market has changed - jobs like nursing and teaching have all been professionalsed, and you need a degree - where as 30/40 years ago you could train on the job.

Not having a degree debars you from most professional employment.

I'm not saying DD shouldnt' run her own life and do her own thing - but these days having a degree is basically like finsihing your education. If you dont' do it, you don't half make your life hard!

It is true that there are less unqualified jobs than there were. But it is not true that there is nothing between going to university and being a teenage mum on benefits. All my three nieces/nephes and their girlfriends/boyfriends are in employment or running their own businesses: none of them have been to uni.

And if you tell her that you would rather she ran off with the circus than go to Luton Uni- she may be only too happy to oblige.

PMSL

i am 8 years older than my brother. i was not 'allowed' to stay on at school and do a levels,certainly no way university....i was expected to find a 'little job' whilst waiting to find a man to marry,who would then 'keep' me.

along came my brother.....actively encouraged to do well,a levels and a nice university with a car thrown in!

i had to struggle to get away from my nice 'little job' (at the local little chef),i moved to london to be a nanny,then managed to join police before marrying and having dc. i then was only fit for an open university degree,which i WILL complete next year.

i want to actively support my own dc with their choices. BUT they can see the lifestyle differences between myself and my brother. he has shedloads of money and brilliant engineering career. i have nothing.

Cory - tbh, if Luton Uni is the best she can do, I think she'd probably be safer in the Circus...

Speaking as a former tutor at a Russell Group University, I would say, that given her priviledged background, if she can't manage to get a place in a half-way decent uni, she ought to get her butt soundly kicked.

Do not think that uni will get her a great job and future. I have multiple degrees and earn crap all. My brother is doing a carpenty apprenticeship and is bring home over $1000/fortnight. He is 18 and I am 30. Wish I was a plumber now.

WWC have you name changed from Xenia?

What will you do if your dd isn't bright enough to go to a 'good' university? Will you have her adopted?

The thing is you don't get to decide what counts as a decent career: she does.

This is what some members of my extended family have done:

able seaman progressing to first mate on big ship (and may well make captain)

carpenter running his own firm

computer expert running his own software firm

postman

PA

If she decides that being a postwoman is her idea of a good job, then that's just tough.

Well done IloveTiffany - I'm glad you managed to get your degree in the end.

My parents were also very disparaging about HE, and refused to fill out the grant forms, as they didnt' agree with girls going to uni, as they were only going to have babies anyway.

I suppose that might be why I am very pro-education.

TBH, it's not just about jobs.. I think that studying for a degree is important in itself. The ability to think critically, gather and assess evidence... all important life skills.

By LouIsOnAHighwayToHell Tue 19-Jan-10 21:29:02
Do not think that uni will get her a great job and future. I have multiple degrees and earn crap all. My brother is doing a carpenty apprenticeship and is bring home over $1000/fortnight. He is 18 and I am 30. Wish I was a plumber now.

Economic rate of return on degrees varies a lot - where did you study and what degrees do you have?

My DCs have all had a private education at "good schools".

My DS (aged 14) announced on Saturday he doesn't want to go to university.

"That is fine", said I. "as long as you find something else to do and don't just bum around and are happy, then that is fine with me".

I don't care what my children do as long as they are happy.

My DD wants to go and is gearing up her A level choices towards her degree choice so I am encouraging her all the way.

I did not attend university, have made an excellent career for myself and I know my parents are proud of me.

What difference does University make?

WWC - your attitude is worrying. What happened to unconditional love and acceptance?

How rude can you be about Luton uni - if you really were a university tutor you should know better.