A weighty issue, sorry.

[namechangedwithgoodreason]

I have namechanged, because I am quite sure I am going to get a pasting for this, but I have to get some opinions on this situation, so please be honest with me.

My mother is a very large lady. Her weight causes her alot of health problems (her Dr has stressed the importance of losing weight to her for years)
My DH's best mate is also a very large man, although no known health problems there.

I honestly don't give a monkeys arse if they eat too much and exercise too little, because they like to live that way. It does not bother me in the slightest. I have to stress this, before you all flame me.
I do object to my mother volunteering to tell me a whole load of lies about what she eats every day and then bemoans the fact she has not lost weight. (My brother still lives at home and sees the portions my mother eats, and his story is different. Also, when my mother was hospitalised for sleep apnea (sp), she lost alot of weight very very quickly.)

I have told my mother it is her business what she eats and when, I am not bothered, but she still feels a need to lie totell me in minute detail every last morsel she claims to have eaten every day.

What does worry me though, and this is where people will be most annoyed at me I think, is when DH best mate or my mother come to my house, or when I give either of them a lift anywhere.

My car is 4 years old and it groans when either of them get in it. (I have never had them both in it at the same time)
Neither of them can get the seat belt around themselves easily, and I always sit them in the front, but they spill over onto my handbrake a little.

I always find my car veers to the left after giving either of them a lift, and my tyre pressure is always 'down' afterwards.

In my house, neither will sit on my kitchen chairs, because one of the chairs collapsed on DH's mate one evening.

My sofa has been broken today by mother pushing on the arm to get herself up, and we both heard a loud crack.
This is the 2nd sofa my mother has broken.

My other brother lives with his DW and 3DC, and he has had chairs collapse, and we have both had toilet seats broken more times than we care to remember. My mother's 2 year old divan bed has now collapsed in the middle, and she is probably going to buy a iron framed bed and mattress.

I know you will probably all say I am being nasty, but what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?

My DB thinks cars especially are designed to carry quite alot of weight.

My mother's car never groans, and she is convinced my car is probably ready for the knackers yard because of the noises it makes when she gets in.

Of course, I have not told my mother my car doesn't make noises like that all the time, nor have I mentioned that I think it is her weight that is causing her bed to collapse, or my sofa to break, but please please tell me, for my own peace of mind, how big would someone have to be before you were a little concerned about them being in your car or sitting on your sofa.

FWIW, DH best mate is proud to say he is 37st 4lb, and my mother says the last time she was weighed at the Dr, she was 26st 8lb.

Please share your thoughts with me, while I run and take cover hide

bruxer, you are so wrong. yes we have cheese and biscuits maybe once a week. or share a tube of pringles once a week. and he has maybe 4 becks. but other than that. THAT IS WHAT HE EATS. and yes, it doesn't warrant being 19 stone. I am not stupid. I am not in denial. I have grown up with a healthy diet. I do know. I just can't work it out.
NOT EVERY overweight person shovels food in their gob 24/7. I see the fatties programmes. eating 25 cakes per morning. and we wonder why they are 23/25/27/29 stone.
But my dh is not like that. and I do KNOW that.

My hubby has always been a big man from before we met. He said as a child he did over eat but he was still active. I truly don't understand it and feel so desperately sorry for him.

bruxeur - thanks for your insightful input but being in the medical profession means i am fully aware of the "physics" of food.

oblomov I agree your husband is eating more. When you are morbidly obese- its like an addiction. You hide food. You hide wrappers. My h dosnt know about half the things I eat. I keep it all secret from him (actually Im better now but Im waiting for surgery so things have changed alot). I dont think your husband eats like a sparrow and stays 19 stone.

Is 19 stone morbidly obese? Just a bit overweight, I'd say, unless he is very short.

John you are wrong. really. he snacks. but he never hides anything. nor do I. he may eat 6 crackers and cheese post dinner. but he does it infront of me. he doesn't hide anything. do you think I am naieve/stupid/in denial?
AND, his diet that i described to you, is not sparrow. the fact you comapre it to sparrow shows how little you know. thats healthy. of an average man. many men in my office eat similar or less. but still not warrants maintaining being so overweight. its not that he claims to eat one cracker and being 30 stone.

elastic, it not morbidly, its just obese. 'Just' . sounds so awful

Right. So first of all it's is what your husband eats, Oblomov.

And then when people point out that the first law has something fairly brisk to say about that, you remember cheese, pringles, crackers and beer, ffs.

This is why people get fat and stay fat. Just because you can't remember it or don't want to mention it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

i wasn't brisk, or brusk.
i eat those things aswell. and i'm not fat.
you make it sound like its a crime to have a beer or some cheese and biscuits.
I think I have a healthy relationship with food. I eat healthily. I eat a few 'unhealthy' things - chocolates, crisps, some wine. but i don't consider them a treat, or a sin or bad, as such. i believe its a question of balance.
I deny myself nothing. I eat what I want when I want.
Do you think this is an unhealthy relationship with food, then bruxeur ?

I can remmeber it . I didn't fail to mention it. I know it did happen. I explained our adverage daily eat. that is it. and then sometimes we have cheese and biscuits or some beers.

do you never eat pringles brux. your husband and you never shared a bottle of wine. never had a beer at home.
these things are not a crime.
if you ate them every day, then you could be overweight. but i deliberatly mentioned our everyday diet, and then proceeded to add that we had occassional treats.
I never kept anything from you. i am not in denial and hiding from myself what he eats.

some people are secretive. my dh is not. not everyone HAs to be, YOU KNOW.

Brux, when you said thet the typicla example of a day, for dh, was not enough to maintain an average mail, what are you basing that on ?
if yuo put that diet into one of those websites that log food to help lose weight and tell you how many calories it contains, i think you would find that it is MORE THAN ENOUGH for an average meal.
Are you a trained dietician ?

just been on www.weightlossresources - i knew my PN ladies were using this site. and it says that the diet i described it perfect for the adverage man. the right number of calories.
so it doesn't even matter if you do or don't believe that this was all that my dh ate one day. the point is that you said it wasn't enough to maintain an average male. just goes to show that you don't know what you are talking about. many men in my office eat just that kind of diet and amount. and maintain perfectly healthy waistlines. goes to show what little bruxeur knows.

Well, at least you aren't touchy about it.

only touchy when people like bruxeur sprout nonsense.

maybe bruxeur could explain to all us ignoramus's, what a 'sensible diet' is.
I thought I knew. She seems to be implying that I don't. But I think 30 years of a daibetic menu, means I do.
I thought cereals, semi skimmed milk, wholemeal toast, pasta, youghurts, steamed veg,fruit etc etc was a balanced diet. I thought the occassional chocolate biscuit, packet of crisps, glass of wine.
I still thought this was constituted a blanced diet.

Is there something wrong with cheese and biscuits? Carbs, protein, good fats. whats wrong with cheese and bisuits?

Maybe bruxeur, would care to educate us all on this.

actuaaly brux, don't bother.
I am off to Kings College Hospital today. To diabetic pump clinic. my diet, cholestrol and weight will be examined. by trained, qualified, experienced dieticians.
I been under a dieticain for over 30 years now.