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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A weighty issue, sorry.

340 replies

namechangedwithgoodreason · 16/01/2010 00:14

I have namechanged, because I am quite sure I am going to get a pasting for this, but I have to get some opinions on this situation, so please be honest with me.

My mother is a very large lady. Her weight causes her alot of health problems (her Dr has stressed the importance of losing weight to her for years)
My DH's best mate is also a very large man, although no known health problems there.

I honestly don't give a monkeys arse if they eat too much and exercise too little, because they like to live that way. It does not bother me in the slightest. I have to stress this, before you all flame me.
I do object to my mother volunteering to tell me a whole load of lies about what she eats every day and then bemoans the fact she has not lost weight. (My brother still lives at home and sees the portions my mother eats, and his story is different. Also, when my mother was hospitalised for sleep apnea (sp), she lost alot of weight very very quickly.)

I have told my mother it is her business what she eats and when, I am not bothered, but she still feels a need to lie totell me in minute detail every last morsel she claims to have eaten every day.

What does worry me though, and this is where people will be most annoyed at me I think, is when DH best mate or my mother come to my house, or when I give either of them a lift anywhere.

My car is 4 years old and it groans when either of them get in it. (I have never had them both in it at the same time)
Neither of them can get the seat belt around themselves easily, and I always sit them in the front, but they spill over onto my handbrake a little.

I always find my car veers to the left after giving either of them a lift, and my tyre pressure is always 'down' afterwards.

In my house, neither will sit on my kitchen chairs, because one of the chairs collapsed on DH's mate one evening.

My sofa has been broken today by mother pushing on the arm to get herself up, and we both heard a loud crack.
This is the 2nd sofa my mother has broken.

My other brother lives with his DW and 3DC, and he has had chairs collapse, and we have both had toilet seats broken more times than we care to remember. My mother's 2 year old divan bed has now collapsed in the middle, and she is probably going to buy a iron framed bed and mattress.

I know you will probably all say I am being nasty, but what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?

My DB thinks cars especially are designed to carry quite alot of weight.

My mother's car never groans, and she is convinced my car is probably ready for the knackers yard because of the noises it makes when she gets in.

Of course, I have not told my mother my car doesn't make noises like that all the time, nor have I mentioned that I think it is her weight that is causing her bed to collapse, or my sofa to break, but please please tell me, for my own peace of mind, how big would someone have to be before you were a little concerned about them being in your car or sitting on your sofa.

FWIW, DH best mate is proud to say he is 37st 4lb, and my mother says the last time she was weighed at the Dr, she was 26st 8lb.

Please share your thoughts with me, while I run and take cover hide

OP posts:
Alambil · 16/01/2010 23:59

lets just hope you don't raise him to hold such vile, bigoted ideas too....

tethersend · 16/01/2010 23:59

And it's 'Am I being Unreasonable?', not 'Am I being physically and Morally Disgusting?'

Those were your words, your opinion.

I think you should elaborate.

Armi · 16/01/2010 23:59

There's time yet, mummysgoingmad. He'll be feeding himself soon and goodness knows what he'll be into. Pork pies, lard butties, deep fried Mars Bars.....

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:00

'And it's 'Am I being Unreasonable?', not 'Am I being physically and Morally Disgusting?' '

I've got the giggles now. I soooooooo want a section with this name.

Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 00:01

The OP's question was "what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?"

Not "are you an unfeeling buffoon who would like to offend all overweight people in one fell swoop?"

mumhadenough · 17/01/2010 00:03

OP - I'm a Cambridge Diet Counsellor, and have a couple of clients who are 20+ stone. They have all told me they reached a point where they really just thought there was no going back for them and therefore sank into a deeper spiral of eating. They also admitted that they underexagerated what they ate to family/friends etc. I suspect that is what your mother does with you.

She's obviously totally aware of it, perhaps she in a round about way is asking for your help by telling you what she's eating (or not as is the case).

Can you have a little chat with her, get her to a gp or whatever. Do brave the topic with her, for her benefit if nothing else.

DandyLioness · 17/01/2010 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:08

Yes i have came into contact with morbidly obese people, 1 whom i worked with and i told him exactly what i'm telling you! eat less move more! he always complained i've tried everything, to which i said " maybe the next step would be to get a personal trainer" i'm not a skinny little runt (as you probably are all imagining) but i'm not that big that i need prescription trousers!

enlighten me all, what reasons would you give for being that big? I understand that some people comfort eat but surely you would say enough is enough when you get over, say, 22st and actually do something about it?

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:10

"Yes i have came into contact with morbidly obese people, 1 whom i worked with and i told him exactly what i'm telling you! eat less move more!"

I'm not going to tell you anything I have not already explained. You can not be reasoned with it seems. There are explanations already on this thread. Go and find them.

Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 00:12

I refuse to converse with anyone so shallow.

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:14

Mummysgoingmad - I'm also not yet in the prescription trousers bracket (although tell me - are they those nasty polyester trousers that manufacturers seem to mistakenly think are suitable for those of us with larger thighs?) but I can appreciate that there are a myriad of reasons as to why some people become exceptionally big. I would imagine the reasons are individual to those concerned - I would avoid, for example, making a blanket statement about a group of individuals and wouldn't insult them by trying to second guess their issues which are private and for their own contemplation.

Tell me, when you told your 'morbidly obese' colleague to 'eat less, move more' did your warm glow of self righteousness last longer than his feeling of utter shame and humiliation?

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:18

"enlighten me all, what reasons would you give for being that big? I understand that some people comfort eat but surely you would say enough is enough when you get over, say, 22st and actually do something about it?"

mummysgoingmad, there are a lot of hypotheses on this thread which answer your question. You don't have to agree with them, but they are there nonetheless.

I asked you a question, too- Something along the lines of who you found more morally disgusting, Robert Mugabe or Michelle McManus? I would love an answer...

Rosieeo · 17/01/2010 00:19

"Yes i have came into contact with morbidly obese people, 1 whom i worked with and i told him exactly what i'm telling you! eat less move more! he always complained i've tried everything, to which i said " maybe the next step would be to get a personal trainer" "

I'm surprised you didn't get told to fuck right off!

Are you the one that thought being overweight was morally reprehensible or the one that thought it was repulsive? What do you think when something that is actually bad happens in the world/to the people around you?

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:21

well the physically part is self explanitry, morally by this i mean, there a children starving to death and these people are eating themselves to death, also do these people have any idea how their size effects their family. i remember watching a programme years ago were an american woman couldnt get out of bed as she was that big, her little girl lived with her but as far as i could see she was being cared for by the carers who were there for her mum, she had never been to ant of her little girls school events, imagine how this impacted on that little girl.

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 00:22

mummysgoingmad - I perhaps should rephrase my post as somebody has already suggested with "people who post such thoughts are..." at the beginning.

I note you only responded to that particular section of my post and nothing else.

But that is to be expected from a position with no defence.

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:23

Is ALL your information gleaned from television programmes of the most unsavoury sort?

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:24

apparently so...

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:25

I'm sorry if I sound amazed by the use of cheap, tacky television programmes as a source of information. I'm fairly new to this site - on other sites I frequent, people are expected to back up their views with reference to actual research and scientific data, not the latest programme to be shown on the Let's Laugh At Fat People Channel or articles in the Daily Mail.

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:26

Mugabe or McManus?

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:27

I dont feel i need to expalin myself any further, i have tried to answer you questions without going on another rant (which has clearly offended the masses) i'm not going to spend any more time defending my position as what ever i say will be wrong apart from " your right i give in" which isn't going to happend

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:28

Would it help you to answer if I found out how much Robert Mugabe weighs?

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:29

Assumes sympathetic expression You've run out of wine, haven't you?

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:29

bit of a pointless qustion tethersend, there both wrong but for very different reasons!

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:30

As I said previously, I am not offended- I just disagree with you. Which, as you pointed out, I am allowed to do. Especially on AIBU.

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 00:30

I would offer some more wine but I am not allowed any as I am on my 3 week pre-op diet - having my gastric band fitted on the NHS.