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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A weighty issue, sorry.

340 replies

namechangedwithgoodreason · 16/01/2010 00:14

I have namechanged, because I am quite sure I am going to get a pasting for this, but I have to get some opinions on this situation, so please be honest with me.

My mother is a very large lady. Her weight causes her alot of health problems (her Dr has stressed the importance of losing weight to her for years)
My DH's best mate is also a very large man, although no known health problems there.

I honestly don't give a monkeys arse if they eat too much and exercise too little, because they like to live that way. It does not bother me in the slightest. I have to stress this, before you all flame me.
I do object to my mother volunteering to tell me a whole load of lies about what she eats every day and then bemoans the fact she has not lost weight. (My brother still lives at home and sees the portions my mother eats, and his story is different. Also, when my mother was hospitalised for sleep apnea (sp), she lost alot of weight very very quickly.)

I have told my mother it is her business what she eats and when, I am not bothered, but she still feels a need to lie totell me in minute detail every last morsel she claims to have eaten every day.

What does worry me though, and this is where people will be most annoyed at me I think, is when DH best mate or my mother come to my house, or when I give either of them a lift anywhere.

My car is 4 years old and it groans when either of them get in it. (I have never had them both in it at the same time)
Neither of them can get the seat belt around themselves easily, and I always sit them in the front, but they spill over onto my handbrake a little.

I always find my car veers to the left after giving either of them a lift, and my tyre pressure is always 'down' afterwards.

In my house, neither will sit on my kitchen chairs, because one of the chairs collapsed on DH's mate one evening.

My sofa has been broken today by mother pushing on the arm to get herself up, and we both heard a loud crack.
This is the 2nd sofa my mother has broken.

My other brother lives with his DW and 3DC, and he has had chairs collapse, and we have both had toilet seats broken more times than we care to remember. My mother's 2 year old divan bed has now collapsed in the middle, and she is probably going to buy a iron framed bed and mattress.

I know you will probably all say I am being nasty, but what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?

My DB thinks cars especially are designed to carry quite alot of weight.

My mother's car never groans, and she is convinced my car is probably ready for the knackers yard because of the noises it makes when she gets in.

Of course, I have not told my mother my car doesn't make noises like that all the time, nor have I mentioned that I think it is her weight that is causing her bed to collapse, or my sofa to break, but please please tell me, for my own peace of mind, how big would someone have to be before you were a little concerned about them being in your car or sitting on your sofa.

FWIW, DH best mate is proud to say he is 37st 4lb, and my mother says the last time she was weighed at the Dr, she was 26st 8lb.

Please share your thoughts with me, while I run and take cover hide

OP posts:
tethersend · 17/01/2010 01:02

Would that be between contradictory replies, MGM?

Armi · 17/01/2010 01:02

'frantic search - oh how i laughed when i read that, i have been reading them in between writing replys. '

And yet there's no evidence of you actually taking on board what they say.

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 01:03

tethersend - how can so many people behave in the same way though?

What about nice people just being nice because they are?

DandyLioness · 17/01/2010 01:04

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Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 01:06

Fruity - you anywhere near the NE of England? I'll be your mate! I'm nice!

tethersend · 17/01/2010 01:07

Fruitysunshine, no-one talked to me at my first mother and baby club because (I later found out from the HV), I wore a leopard-print dress.

That would indicate to me that I was in a room full of wankers- there are a lot of them about. Don't internalise it. I still wear leopard print dresses, I just found new friends

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 01:09

Mermaidspam - I'm in surrey. I come from Scotland though - so maybe it's that!

Tethersend - that is just horrible! How are people so judgemental???

Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 01:09

Thanks Dandy - you put it better than me!

tethersend · 17/01/2010 01:12

Ah, Surrey... that explains it

tethersend · 17/01/2010 01:13

Oh... has MGM gone?

DandyLioness · 17/01/2010 01:13

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Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 01:13

tethersend - I think you could be right!!

tethersend · 17/01/2010 01:14

Ah well, will check back tomorrow... night night all...

Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 01:16

Ah! They all think you don't speak the language!

I was in exactly the same situation as you a couple of years ago, now one of the school mums is my best friend. Ignore the bitches and talk to someone who looks like they like a laugh x

DandyLioness · 17/01/2010 01:18

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Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 01:18

(Hope that doesn't sound patronising)

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 01:20

Dandylioness - don't worry about it - honestly, it was the school issue that I got thinking about that irritated me really.

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 01:21

Well, I will still keep trying because I rarely give up, thanks dandy.

Flightattendant · 17/01/2010 07:36

Oh dear she came back!
Well handled, women.

Sorry I went to bed, thanks Dandy for saying that

i think the fundamental flaw with this debate was that MGM obviously had zero idea who Robert Mugabe actually is.

I sincerely hope you are all OK this morning. What a headfuck it is dealing with someone like that.

Phoenix4725 · 17/01/2010 09:10

OK as someone who has gone from being morbidly obese to obese and still losing , can tell you it is very hard work,And the biggest issues is setting mind to has took me lots of several false starts over the years .

groups work for some not for others and i would never judge anyone for their weight ..

as for cars friend has astra and me friend and himself who are on the larger side mange get in without any suffering to us or vehicle

sarah293 · 17/01/2010 09:19

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Georgimama · 17/01/2010 10:01

I think the problem was that her keyboard ran out of exclamation marks, Flight.

gorionine · 17/01/2010 10:18

Sorry, I just skimmed the last couple of pages, it went to fast for me after my last post. For the ones who thing very overwheight people "just need to exercice more" in theory yes, in practice, not that easy. I am obese but in compareasion to several other posters I have a *resonable" body shape but at a weight of "just" 14 stones, I cannot find ANYWHERE a bra that would hold my "womanly shapes" in place to do any sort of exercise. I do walk a LOT and have started on my exercise bike again (had to stop at one point because my knees where hurting too much) but I would not dream of taking aerobic/exercise class or join a gym because it would be far too uncomfortable for me. I sometimes do go for a run but only at night so nobody can actually see me since while I was running the "race for life" a stupid idiot (of the male spiecies) shouted "look at her, all dingelly dangelly".

Exercising more yes, maybe, but not at the cost of being even more humiliated by insensitive people.

sarah293 · 17/01/2010 10:29

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lljkk · 17/01/2010 11:43

I'm kinda confused, Riven, I thought you were admitting that greed and laziness is a main cause of minor over-weight issues (which is a fair enough allegation, I reckon, too). Greed and laziness aren't really big psychological issues, just normal human nature, I reckon .

I agree with WHO that sedentary lifestyle (driving everywhere, office jobs) is the biggest reason for the general obesity epidemic. Morbidly obese (like OP's situ) is more complicated.