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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A weighty issue, sorry.

340 replies

namechangedwithgoodreason · 16/01/2010 00:14

I have namechanged, because I am quite sure I am going to get a pasting for this, but I have to get some opinions on this situation, so please be honest with me.

My mother is a very large lady. Her weight causes her alot of health problems (her Dr has stressed the importance of losing weight to her for years)
My DH's best mate is also a very large man, although no known health problems there.

I honestly don't give a monkeys arse if they eat too much and exercise too little, because they like to live that way. It does not bother me in the slightest. I have to stress this, before you all flame me.
I do object to my mother volunteering to tell me a whole load of lies about what she eats every day and then bemoans the fact she has not lost weight. (My brother still lives at home and sees the portions my mother eats, and his story is different. Also, when my mother was hospitalised for sleep apnea (sp), she lost alot of weight very very quickly.)

I have told my mother it is her business what she eats and when, I am not bothered, but she still feels a need to lie totell me in minute detail every last morsel she claims to have eaten every day.

What does worry me though, and this is where people will be most annoyed at me I think, is when DH best mate or my mother come to my house, or when I give either of them a lift anywhere.

My car is 4 years old and it groans when either of them get in it. (I have never had them both in it at the same time)
Neither of them can get the seat belt around themselves easily, and I always sit them in the front, but they spill over onto my handbrake a little.

I always find my car veers to the left after giving either of them a lift, and my tyre pressure is always 'down' afterwards.

In my house, neither will sit on my kitchen chairs, because one of the chairs collapsed on DH's mate one evening.

My sofa has been broken today by mother pushing on the arm to get herself up, and we both heard a loud crack.
This is the 2nd sofa my mother has broken.

My other brother lives with his DW and 3DC, and he has had chairs collapse, and we have both had toilet seats broken more times than we care to remember. My mother's 2 year old divan bed has now collapsed in the middle, and she is probably going to buy a iron framed bed and mattress.

I know you will probably all say I am being nasty, but what weight is the average sofa/car/kitchen table/bed designed for?

My DB thinks cars especially are designed to carry quite alot of weight.

My mother's car never groans, and she is convinced my car is probably ready for the knackers yard because of the noises it makes when she gets in.

Of course, I have not told my mother my car doesn't make noises like that all the time, nor have I mentioned that I think it is her weight that is causing her bed to collapse, or my sofa to break, but please please tell me, for my own peace of mind, how big would someone have to be before you were a little concerned about them being in your car or sitting on your sofa.

FWIW, DH best mate is proud to say he is 37st 4lb, and my mother says the last time she was weighed at the Dr, she was 26st 8lb.

Please share your thoughts with me, while I run and take cover hide

OP posts:
mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:49

god my spelling has really went to pot jsu = just.. gut = guy

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:49

'dont form my opinions on people regarding their weight'

Ah. So it wasn't you who said that fat people are morally and physically disgusting? Excellent. Glad we've cleared that up.

Rosieeo · 17/01/2010 00:50

"the gut"! Oh, you really ARE a total wanker.

Yeah, you don't form opinions based on weight

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:50

backtracking can't work when sentences are logged in text....

shame, eh...

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:50

mummysgoingmad, help us out here. We are all baffled.

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:50

thats my opinion of weight as an issue!! not people personally, i'm surprised i actually need to clarify that!

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:52

"personally i find people who are that size physically and morally disgusting > its a combination of being lazy and greedy!"

It bears repetition.

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:52

personally i find people who are that size physically and morally disgusting

you find individual people "morally and physically disgusting"

That is a personal thing ... not an issue

You did not say "I find being over 15 stone morally disgusting" you said "people"

thus making it personal and not "an issue"

Rosieeo · 17/01/2010 00:52

'thats my opinion of weight as an issue!! not people personally, i'm surprised i actually need to clarify that!'

'the gut'

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 00:52

I know you are all being ironic or sarcastic and I am the first one to say sarcasm is my favourite type of humour but it worries me that normal people you meet in your every day life have these horrible thoughts about your physique whilst they are talking to you.

It may explain why not one of the 25 mums in my dd's class ever talk to me, despite me always smiling and saying hello to them.

Never mind - Chin up eh - once I am slimmer, if they start talking to me it will show me how shallow they all really are!

Mummysgoingmad - you just totally contradicted yourself!

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:53

oops forgot the " "s

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:53

Fruity, I think that too.... and I won't entertain them when it occurs, either.

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:54

'thats my opinion of weight as an issue!! not people personally, i'm surprised i actually need to clarify that!'

Ok, so....'people' who are overweight are morally and physically disgusting but individuals aren't.

How does that work, exactly?

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 00:55

this
and this

oh and this

Alambil · 17/01/2010 00:56

too little, too late darlin'

DandyLioness · 17/01/2010 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Armi · 17/01/2010 00:57

Mummysgoingmad - a last minute frantic search on Google isn't really doing you any favours. Am pretty sure that none of those articles recommend that larger people are viewed as 'morally and physically disgusting'.

tethersend · 17/01/2010 00:58

MGM, those are articles, not your opinion.

Clutching.

At.

Straws.

You posted an inflammatory opinion, you then try and backtrack, and then cite some articles on obesity as your opinion? What?

Mermaidspam · 17/01/2010 00:58

Fruity - totally agree.

BTW, the tv conversation was in reference to MGM not answering a question as to who was more "morally disgusting", a dictator or an obese lady.

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 00:59

Dandy - I see lots of small pockets of mums all talking and I have tried subtly joining a conversation but I never get taken on and I don't personally know any of them.

I went to help at christmas for preparing for the school fair and this snotty woman was throwing her instructions around all over the shop and I was left wondering what all this PTA stuff is about!

Anyway, I am tough enough to put on a pleasant face for those few minutes whilst waiting for DD and when I see her she always makes me smile!

BrahmsThirdRacket · 17/01/2010 00:59

Yeah but if she hadn't been so inflammatory, we would be bored at the moment cos we wouldn't have anyone to bash.

mummysgoingmad · 17/01/2010 01:00

frantic search - oh how i laughed when i read that, i have been reading them in between writing replys.

Fruitysunshine · 17/01/2010 01:00

Mermaidspam - gotcha!

tethersend · 17/01/2010 01:01

"It may explain why not one of the 25 mums in my dd's class ever talk to me, despite me always smiling and saying hello to them."

I could explain it if you like? They are cunts. It's that simple. It's not your fault, not at all.

Armi · 17/01/2010 01:01

I think we should all get our tummies out and give mummysgoingmad a treat Places tummy on desk. Wobbles

I'd like to say that now I feel morally and physically disgusting, but mostly it's just made me laugh!

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