to think that size 14 is NOT that bad?

[Coldhands]

I have always been naturally thin, to the point where I wanted to put on weight. At school I actually used to get asked if I was anorexic (I was not). Sometimes commenting on being 'skinny' (hate that word) is just as bad as commenting on 'fat' people.

Anyway, I put on loads of weight after having DS and it has taken me a very long time to shift it as I can't exercise. I was wearing size 14 clothes for quite a while after, which I didn't think was that bad. Now I am back to a 12, I have had loads of comments about the weight I have lost (which does make me feel good). When I look back at the photos, yes I looked bigger than I thought I was at the time, and for me it was unnatural after always having been thin.

I bumped into a distant reletive the other day who said "oh you've lost weight" Great I thought, then she started going on and on and on about how big I was, and she lost her baby weight straight away when she had her DD (this woman is not particularly slim herself btw), and how I took soooo long to lose weight as I got so big. I told her I was only a size 14 (she thought I said 14 stone and went on about that for a bit). In the end I just "hmmmed" along until she shut up.

AIBU to think that a 14 is NOT big? Obviously I am much happier being a 12, I would say I am now slim but I have curves (and a few more wobbly bits than I would like, but we can't have everything ), and what is this bloody obsession that everyone has about weight? I recently read that a size 12 was a plus model size! WTF is that about!!

"For those who weren't fat chilren then seeing what you weighed at 15 or 16 might be a good indicator of normal weight for you too."

That's an interesting theory, Xenia. How do you think one's weight at 15 or 16 should relate to what one's healthiest weight should be as an adult, exactly? Are you suggesting that it should be the same?

Possibly, certainly in my case. Very unusually at puberty I went age 13 - 14 from 6 stone to 9 stone. I was my exact adult size at 14 and my 25 year old daughter who is the same height and shape was the same. I'm the same weight now although having babies it's gone up and down a bit over the years. Also my chidlren 's father in his 50s is the same weight he was at 18. There is no statutorily laid down middle aged spread which divines that putting on 3 stone between 18 and 40 is A okay. it's just that most people eat bad foods and don't exercise and the weight creeps up.

Xenia I'm wondering if you've some sort of credentials in health/fitness?

You insist BMI is a good indicator, fair enough, some folk do, but then you go on to contradict yourself by totally disregarding the BMI guidelines.

According to the NHS BMI calculator 5ft5 and 8 stone gives a BMI of 18.3, which is underweight and therefore not healthy.

In fact, at 5ft5, up to 10 stone 10 is within a healthy weight, but you think 11 stone is fat? What, another 4lb makes you 'fat'?

It doesn't bother me in the least, I know what is good for me and what is healthy without resorting to BMI calculators but I do worry at the message you're sending out to people who are insecure about their body. Bear that in mind eh?

If you are above the healthy weight limit, then you are fat aren't you? Unless you are an olympic athlete and it is all muscle.

I lost 25 pounds and went to a very snug 16 to a 14, so for me being a size 14 is great.

5 foot 5 8 stone 112 pounds is a BMI of 18.6. 18.5 is healthy weight but not under that. Where have I gone wrong? Also one study found people at the lower end of healthy BMI at 18.5 were most healthy although I accept there was another study showing taht if you're a stone over weight you might be okay too. No one knows for sure but most people within healthy BMI ranges tend to look okay and those over them look a bit fat.

Marilyn Monrose at my height moved between 8 stone 7 and 10 stone 7 and she looked okay.

"looking in the mirror are all pretty good indicators of weight"

Yes. We all know what looks good on us and what doesn't. Unless you are seriously deluded and think you look fine when you are very under or overweight in which case BMI is a good basic guideline.

True. The fat acceptance society in the US etc will have us all believe at my height 18 stone not 9 stone looks best and that I need to acquire 18 stone to be big and beautiful I suppose and some men are feeders - want women they can build up to being exceedingly fat but on the whole the mirror does not lie

If you say so MillyR.

On that basis if your BMI is 24.9 you're okay, but if your BMI is 25.3 you're fat? That's a difference of one pound at 5ft 5!

Do you really think it's that simplistic?

Even the medical profession recognise that BMI isn't always a particularly helpful tool in determining health.

If you're talking fashion, well I guess that's a different matter.

WB, it depends on what someone means by fat. Clearly there isn't a sudden change at the exact ounce. If you are the kind of person whose weight fluctuates then it isn't a good idea to be near the top limit of healthy weight. At whatever point you want the definition of 'overweight' to begin, it is always going to be an ounce more than 'not overweight.'

When it comes to appearance, that is down to individual perspectives. The real culprits in ignoring the fact that they look fat and are unhealthy in size and lifestyle are men IMO. Some men seem to think it is somehow manly to be bigger. DH is a healthy weight and he has always had remarks about how he is skinny.

Some people have also made out that DS is too thin, but he is also a healthy weight. It is just that compared to other children he seems thin.

So I do think there is an issue with the public losing the ability to recognise what a healthy weight looks like.

Haven't read whole thread but would love to get back down to a size 14. I wish I'd tken control of my weight when i hit size 14 and felt a bit unhappy about it, instead of letting it creep up and up. Looking back, I looked pretty good as a curvy size 14 (and am short at 5'2") but I really couldn't see it at the time. Now I'm more of a size 18 (16 on a good day) and I wish I could turn the clock back!

Why do women spend so much time on bullshit weight discussions?

It really pisses me off that normally sane people suddenly turn into bubbleheads because ''all my NCT friends are back in their normal jeans, and I have got this HUGE stomach I can't shift''. This from a very good friend who had an emergency CS all of 4 months ago.

We all know if we are unhealthy (in either direction) and we have a choice to do something about it, or not.

But stop frigging wasting oxygen on this pointless 'issue'.

I haven't read the whole thread, but my last point is: judging by clothing sizes is TOTALLY pointless, as they change according to what shop you are in.

OP - don't add to the obsession about weight by posting something like this!!

Evil, it has obviously sparked a debate amount people that do want to talk about it, so if it is of no interest to you, then don't take part.

Not being funny, but I will post what I like.

I'm a size 14 and I don't feel overweight. I am 5"11, though, so perhaps I carry it better. I weigh 12 stone and am at my fighting weight at 11 stone and a size 12, but fuck it, life is short and I like eating a nice meal with friends, not living on alfafa sprouts and going bloody spinning every day!

MrsMattie, that is exactly like my friend, I was surprised when she was saying about her weight as I didn't think there was anything wrong with her.

agree milly
this thread basically says size 14 is healthy
i think doctors would say it is on the heavy side

if you admit to a lowish bmi then on these threads you are seen as a skinny freak with body dysmorphia - that's not right

Saying size 14 is unhealthy is like saying size 8 is unhealthy. You can't possibly know what someones natural frame and/or their lifestyle /eating habits / exercise patterns are from their dress size. It's ridiculous to pretend you can make these sweeping statements! I am not on the heavy side. I have very long lean limbs and a fairly small waist. But I have a bum and breasts which mean size 12s don't fit me properly.

Size 12-14 is, I would say, a fairly normal and healthy size to be for very many people, so long as you eat a varied diet and are active. I personally find the obsession in our culture with women trying to get rid of their naturally 'meaty' parts really weird and disturbing. Why is it desirable to look like a 12 yr old?

not saying look like a 12 year old - that would be unhealthy

but to prevent a long list of mid-later life ailments - stick to govrnment guidelines
the wording of them is irrelevant but the message is not

Medical research shows that people considered a little overweight in terms of BMI actually live longer than those classed as normal weight.

In actual fact, being underweight is worse than being extremely obese in terms of life expectancy, although it might not look so good in a pair of jeans.

wubbly research?

Yes NAO, on google

check it out

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090623133523.htm

Can't seem to do a linky thing.... Must be 'cos I'm a SAHM and got shit for brains

i just go with what medical profession says
i am no fit freak myself but i think it's wise to stay thin if possible - i try not to kid myself

personally when i put on weight it is fat and i dont like it - cant run as fast or dance as long

even at normal bmi i can feel very overweight - for me

How can you say a 'size 14 is unhealthy' that's ridiculous, without knowing the person's height, what their diet is like, what their level of activity is etc...

I am quite short at 5'3" and I would look rather too big at a size 14, I think. Taller people might be more likely to look fine at a size 14, why is that so hard to understand?!

I don't usually participate in weight related discussions, as I figure I am in the 2% of the female population that doesn't have body issues.

And Coldhands, you can of course post what you like.

I just thought it ironic that you start a thread in AIBU about weight/size that includes the words "and what is this bloody obsession that everyone has about weight?"

Xenia - You are aware that a person continues adding bone density well into their twenties?! Bone density then lessens in women after the menopause. Lots of people are still growing at 15/16. Average age for stopping growing for girls is 16 and for boys is 18 I think. It is not uncommon for boys and girls to still be growing into late teens and very early twenties. Also women's breasts can continue to grow and add weight into mid twenties and will change with hormones from pregnancy or contraception. All adding weight or in some cases removing weight. I think you have some strange and rather warped ideas about how to measure healthy weight... You should weigh the same as you did at 15/16? Bleeding hell, that's just completely wrong....