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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have become irritated by friend's 8 year old yesterday?

104 replies

Sanctos · 31/12/2009 09:59

Went to friends for dinner yesterday with DS (4 months) and DH.

As soon as we got there her DD (8) said "why is he not wearing shoes?" so I said "because he doesn't need them, he doesn't walk yet" so she pulled a face and said "well, yeah ... but it's cold you know"

Anyway, I let it go and then 10 minutes later I heard her asking her mother "do we have any blankets for (DS)? they havn't even put a jumper on him". the house was a bloody sauna with the heating on full blast so I'd taken his jumper off!

Friend then came in laughing saying "have you heard her! she's a right mother hen" and I felt like saying "no, she's a cheeky little sod actually".

A bit later on, DS starts whinging. She promptly rolled her eyes, stood there with her hands on her hips and said "bottle? that's usually what babies cry for you know!" grrr I was getting really irritated by this point, as was DH. Especially as friend was just finding it all ammusing.

Anyway these comments kept up all day and I ended up leaving early in the end because she was just irritating the shit out of me. AIBU for getting wound up by a kid?

OP posts:
SpanishCYBILwar · 31/12/2009 10:01

in a word, YES

JemL · 31/12/2009 10:03

YABU. All the girls I know between 5 - 10 are obsessed with fussing over babies. My friend's DD virtually takes DS2 from me when I get into her house, and gives me very serious advice on everything. SHe is 7! It can be a bit irritating, but they don't mean to be rude or annoying!

fortyplus · 31/12/2009 10:03

YABU - 8 year olds are irritating - they think they know everything - but she was just trying to be involved and helpful.

Wait till you've got one!

BarbieLovesKen · 31/12/2009 10:04

YANBU I would not let my dd behave like this. Regardless of her age just very rude imo. Sounds like a little brat tbh.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/12/2009 10:04

YANBU
how annoying! The only friend I have with a child of that age would never let her be so cheeky.

BarbieLovesKen · 31/12/2009 10:06

Yes, I think little girls that age are obsessed with babies, but any I have came across have been sweet about it.. this child just sounds badly behaved. Rolling her eyes?? "they havent even put a jumper on him" - little wagon.

as I said, I would not allow my dd to behave like this.

coldtits · 31/12/2009 10:07

How rude.

It's not what she was saying, as she's only 8 and they don't understand the world yet - it's the attitude.

Does she have a face you'd never tire of slapping?

Imbacille · 31/12/2009 10:09

yikes

a child, EIGHT YEARS OLD, is castigated for being interested in a baby, probably trying to be a bit grown up by offering her pov

brat I think not

Goblinchild · 31/12/2009 10:09

She sounds like several girls in my class, and the reason is probably that it is regarded as funny and amusingly precocious by her mother.
Some parents really love that sort of attitude and behaviour in their children and are blind about the annoyance factor.
So, she's a pain, she's 8. It's her parents' fault.
Next time, try not to get cross, practice a withering look and calm, refuting comments.
Keep slapping her down gently, point out that she's being rude. Tell her that she's being bossy.
Her mother will probably get cross with you, feeling that you don't appreciate her darling.
Or you could just accept that when you have a baby, everyone has an opinion about how to raise them and will offer it regardless of whether they have children of their own, or are a child themselves.

BarbieLovesKen · 31/12/2009 10:09

PML Coldtits - sounds like she does, doesnt it..

edam · 31/12/2009 10:12

Cheeky mare. Her mother should have told her off. There's a big difference between a child being interested in a baby and being extremely rude.

tethersjinglebellend · 31/12/2009 10:12

Next time say to her:

"Do you know that what you just said actually sounded a bit rude? Did you mean to be?"

She would probably be very embarrassed and apologetic- you could then ask her to help you with the baby at every opportunity. Especially nappy changes.

She is only 8 and wants to 'look after' the baby- she just doesn't know how; so show her. She will be very different if you give her a 'role' and pretend you can't do without her help- she will love it

BarbieLovesKen · 31/12/2009 10:13

Imbacille - no - not for being interested in a baby. Of course not!. For being a rude little madam. Am really shocked that people think this is ok. Not even her age - if an adult in my house behaved this way I would be very annoyed but an 8 year old. Yes. Her mother should not have allowed it .

I really do think this girl sounds like a little brat.

hbfac · 31/12/2009 10:18

Little BU.

An 8 yo is "playing" at being an adult - testing out what adulthood is. They go on doing it for years. Think about it; you have a baby now, but do you sometimes feel like you're only "acting" out adulthood? It's a hard thing to get right - takes a lot of practice.

One of the trickiest, and most important, things about parenthood is guiding them towards good models of adulthood without "squashing" them. It can be mightily exhausting.

If it was a fellow adult, it would be well out of order.

I think I might try telling your friend, nicely, that she'll have to harness her dd's tendency to "tell you off", though. Maybe something along the lines of a jokey "Blimey, I felt almost undermined when your dd was telling me I was an unfit parent. I was getting paranoid she was going to call SS on me. She doesn't know the number, does she? I went home and just felt momentarily demolished."

I suppose it narks because it chimes in with how the world and his/her dog feels free to comment on mothers. I remember a man in the street coming up and telling me to put socks on my ds - who pulled them off the instant I put them on. I calmly explained that I completely agreed, and usually I taped ds' hands to the pram with gaffer tape, but today had run out, and that's what I was shopping for. I knew how important it was to keep babies warm. His face was hilarious.

LIZS · 31/12/2009 10:18

yabu she is 8 not 18 ! At that age they would treat a baby like a doll unless they have younger siblings. Wait until your ds can talk, then decide if you are right to take such offence. When you have a small baby you tend take such remarks more personally but the situation so easily gets reversed as yours age.

edam · 31/12/2009 10:18

definitely a brat and her mother is not doing her any favours by letting her get away with it. That kind of attitude is not going to make her any friends.

GypsyMoth · 31/12/2009 10:19

well of course she sounds like a brat ken!! thats how the op made it sound.....we have just one side here.....if it had been overheard by another adult,then they may have a slightly different take on it!!!

first time mum are you op? think you need to get a grip a bit here and realise that children are going to be part of your life from now on,you'll meet allsorts. pick your batttles,this isnt one,save your energy for complaining about soft play/toddler groups etc.....because they will REALLY open your eyes!!

lockets · 31/12/2009 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ImSoNotTelling · 31/12/2009 10:25

YABU. I was in a sitaution like this recently where a friends 10yo said something breathtakingly rude about some other guests, a bit too loudly. I don't think they heard.

But I was but quickly realised that she is probably only saying what her parents might say afterwards, and she was trying to make a "grown up" comment to me.

They are trying to join in and be adult but they don't have the nuances of what is helpful advice and what isn't, and how to phrase the same thing in different ways to make it sound better.

I would have shrugged both of these things off as just being what 8yo are like - she wasn't being malicious or nasry, she was trying to help. If you told her to shut it, however politely, she might well withdraw from the baby and you completely. 8yo are also very sensitive little souls.

it's not like she commented on your appearance or said the baby was smelly or something.

ChilloHippi · 31/12/2009 10:25

She meant no harm, but it would have irritated the hell out of me too.

Watchtheworldcomealivetonight · 31/12/2009 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 31/12/2009 10:31

she sounds like a brat.

Vast difference between "do we have a blanket for the baby?" and "they've not even put a jumper on him."

Being a child doesn't automatically make her or her behavior cute, and at eight she is old enough to be told.

And what's with the "we only have one side of the story" comments? Of course we do, and from the one side of the story the eight year old sounds like a brat.

madamearcati · 31/12/2009 10:32

the hands on hips , eye rolling bottle thing is rude and out of order and she should have been pulled up on this,
But the sock thing i agree with her on and the jumper thing wasd a private conversation with her mother that you overheard wasn't it ?

noddyholder · 31/12/2009 10:34

She sounds a pita tbh but 8 yr old girls can be right little madams.She does sound precocious but she is still a child and we are programmed to let them be little adults now which is so annoying

Goblinchild · 31/12/2009 10:34

Just imagine what fun her mother will be having in another 6 years and have a quiet snigger.
It's worth waiting for, believe me.
Sow the seed, reap the crop.

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