Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have become irritated by friend's 8 year old yesterday?

104 replies

Sanctos · 31/12/2009 09:59

Went to friends for dinner yesterday with DS (4 months) and DH.

As soon as we got there her DD (8) said "why is he not wearing shoes?" so I said "because he doesn't need them, he doesn't walk yet" so she pulled a face and said "well, yeah ... but it's cold you know"

Anyway, I let it go and then 10 minutes later I heard her asking her mother "do we have any blankets for (DS)? they havn't even put a jumper on him". the house was a bloody sauna with the heating on full blast so I'd taken his jumper off!

Friend then came in laughing saying "have you heard her! she's a right mother hen" and I felt like saying "no, she's a cheeky little sod actually".

A bit later on, DS starts whinging. She promptly rolled her eyes, stood there with her hands on her hips and said "bottle? that's usually what babies cry for you know!" grrr I was getting really irritated by this point, as was DH. Especially as friend was just finding it all ammusing.

Anyway these comments kept up all day and I ended up leaving early in the end because she was just irritating the shit out of me. AIBU for getting wound up by a kid?

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 31/12/2009 10:36

Did you explain to her that the baby wasn't cold, as the heating was on, asked her to feel the baby's feet and chest and see if the baby felt cold. With the bottle think I would have said that babies sometimes criend because they were hungry but there were other reasons and talked to her about them?

Did you let her hold/play with the baby (depending on age)?

I have normally found that when you talk to children and engage with them they are interested and want to join in. 8yo really love it if you treat them a bit "grown up".

If you tried all that and she wasn't interested, but still came out with random pronouncements then irritayion would be in order.

Bathsheba · 31/12/2009 10:41

You know, I can just see the post if your friend's 8yo had completely ignored yout child too..

The middle ground is actually very very small, and its very hard for anyone, never mind an 8 year old to satifactorarily stand in it.

As a comnplete aside, and please please don't take this as an excuse to go off on a rant about feeding charts etc - I have a friend who regularly rants about mothers "being bullied" by HCP being "rude and horrible and bullying" becuase their child isn't performing on the graphs for weight gain....however its only bullying because the mothers are educated people who are already doing what they think is right......Trust me, if there was a child in the area covered by her HVs and other HCP who suffered horribly from an uneducated, uniterested mother who HADN'T been pulled up on these things, then she'd be the first to complain about that too...

It is VERY VERY cold - I don;t know where you are but I'm in North East Scotland and I'm concious at all times of children being cold - esp babies who can't tell you. My Nephew once suffered from hypothermia because his father had taken him out for teh day without insisting that he was properly dressed for the conditions. (Nephew had wanted to wear his summer jacket, his father hadn't been "up for the fight" enough to insist he wore his winter jacket, or at least 2 jumpers underneath his summer jacket, and he came back from his day out very ill indeed because of hypothermia). Again, in that case maybe people SHOULD have said to him "That child will be freezing"...

She is 8. I don't understand why you couldn;t have just taken a couple of minutes to explain a few points and SHOWN her that responsible adults and parents make choices after considering them, rather than just "doing things impulsively".

How long would it really have taken to say -

"Do you know Suzie, I've actually just taken his jumper off, because actually its warm inside, so he really doesn't need it when we are inside, but when we are getting ready to go back out in the cold I'll put it back on".

or

"Well sometimes babies do cry because they are hungry but he was fed about 45 minutes ago so I'm fairly sure its not that - it might be that he is tired though as babies often fall asleep after they have been fed".

Remember, this little girl is probably only about a year off having played with her dolls where all you can really DO with a doll is wrap it up warm in a blanket and pretend to feed it...!! Its probably all she knows to do with babies.

Far rather that she took an interest in his welfare and seemed to care about the child than if she had ignored it.

LisaD1 · 31/12/2009 11:03

Hahaha, sorry but your post amused me! As the mother of a nine year old daughter who is a mother hen to my 2 year old, I feel your pain!! But, she's just a kid, let it go over your head, fast forward a few years and your own DS may well be a typically annoying 8 year old!

coldtits · 31/12/2009 11:07

It's not her level of interest in the baby that's rude. It's the eye rolling and sarcastic comments. These would be rude whether applied to a baby or to a spaghetti bolognese.

Any child of mine who spoke to ANYONE like that would be taken firmly to one side and quietly tongue lashed.

OrmIrian · 31/12/2009 11:08

Yes YABU. She was interested in your baby, concerned for him and has her own opinions. She was a bit upfront perhaps, not rude, but she's 8. Children do this sometimes, they call a spade a spade. Better than moaning about how boring he was and how she didn't like babies.

It does sound as bit as if you don't like children much.

coldtits · 31/12/2009 11:08

And I do have a nearly 7 year old, a nearly 4 year old, and I know older children too. It's plain rude.

coldtits · 31/12/2009 11:08

Mind you .... I'm starting to think 8 is the age of rude....

qwertpoiuy · 31/12/2009 11:11

A right little upstart! She needs to be put in her place. If any of my DCs behaved like that, I would give them such a telling off they wouldn't dream of doing it again!

minxofmancunia · 31/12/2009 11:12

she sounds like a madam but tbh I think yabu, let it go, little girls are obsessed with babies and baby care.

I have dd(3) and ds (14 weeks), I'm fortunate in that she adores him and there are no overt jealusy issues, however of he so much as bleats in public she remonstrates with me v loudly yelling "mummy he needs booby milk NOW!" at the top of her voice!

meangreenmotherfromouterspace · 31/12/2009 11:12

Yes, YABU.

Little girls know EVERYTHING!!!!

See the funny side of it and have confidence in yourself.

It's easy when you've got such a small baby to feel like everyone's having a pop and I can imagine that feeling like you're getting it from a kid is doubly irritating.

It is quite sweet really!

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 31/12/2009 11:13

my dd is nearly tha age, and I'd be right inher case if she said things in that manner.

it's rude, and she shouldn't be indulged by her mother.

So no yanbu to be irritated. I'd prob want to slap the mother more tbh!

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 31/12/2009 11:14

not all little girls are obsessed by baby care, and not all of them are obsessed by baby care and being little know it alls.

morningpaper · 31/12/2009 11:16

She sounds like a fairly normal 8 year old - I think her parents were unreasonable expecting her to be remotely interested in a dinner party with two adults and a baby to be honest. She was probably trying to get rid of you as soon as possible so that she could turn the telly back on.

Other people's children are ghastly - the sooner you accept this, the simpler your life will be!

Brunettelady · 31/12/2009 11:48

I can't believe people think it is ok for a child to behave like this! No YANBU, she sounds like a right spoilt madam and her comments would have severly pissed me off to. I wouldn't expect an adult to stand there rolling her eyes, hands on hips and commenting on how I was with my baby, let alone some little brat. Her age is NO excuse for rudeness and I know my friend would never let his 8 year old speak to anyone like that. Her mother should have pulled her up on it and she will have problems in years to come.

My dads DP used to think it was funny when her 18 month old DS told everyone to "shut up" and "go away" without saying that it wasn't a nice thing to say. Here we are 14 years later and he has been to court, broken her finger this year and so many other problems that my dad has become totally fed up of the situation.

Guad · 31/12/2009 12:01

DD is 8 and there are times when she, and her friends, all sound like Tracy Beaker. Having said that I would have told dd off for talking like that to guests. Her mum obviously didn't think it was rude though.

JaneS · 31/12/2009 12:02

Well, she was being rude, but she may not have known it. She might even be proud of her 'knowledge' of babies and expecting praise. She's wrong, but it was up to her mum to correct her and explain that you know best what you're doing. Maybe her mum didn't want to do that in front of you? See how she behaves next time you're there.

sheepgomeep · 31/12/2009 12:04

My 7 yr old dd1 can be a little madam too with an attitude to boot at times but she is certainly not rude to guests, she is polite and well mannered. She knows as my ds aged 10 does that they would launched into space if they were!

What has happened to well mannered children these days

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 31/12/2009 12:05

mother it fault

cods gavel ...

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 31/12/2009 12:05

'at' (even more codlike)

whifflegarden · 31/12/2009 12:30

Yabu. Yes from the way you tell it she does sound like she was being rude. But you're the adult here so either ignore her or engage her interest in your baby in a positive way. I'm sure she'd have been thrilled to be given some responsibilty. Sulking off because of an 8yr old sounds bizzarre in my book.

Imbacille · 31/12/2009 12:33

yy feeling undermined by a child is frankly laughable

get a grip

Harriedandflustered · 31/12/2009 12:35

Slightly over delicate sensibilities at play here. 8YOs tend to be insensitive.

ruddynorah · 31/12/2009 12:39

why are you so bothered by an 8 year old?! you should have just explained what you'd done ie the house is hot enough not to need a jumper, and maybe involved her a little.

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 31/12/2009 12:42

She would have irritated the life out of me, too

macdoodle · 31/12/2009 12:43

YABU and a bitch to boot
Since when do we go around calling other peoples children brats - I utterly despise it and its seems very commonplace on MN recently - ugh!
Adults getting out out by 8yr olds calling them brats - horrid!

Oh and a touch of PFB I think as well!