Potential fraud?

[DontKnowWhatToDoNext]

I am prepared to be flamed so go ahead but WWYD in my situation?

In brief - DH and I split up last year. 6 months ago, I lost my job due to depression and have since started getting better, have been living on benefits since then with DH paying maintenance for our 3 DCs. I have been desperately trying to get another job but my sickness record at my last job has gone against me. Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house because the landlord wants to sell - runs out end of Jan.

Over the last few months DH and I have been giving our relationship another go and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned) and I have just found out I'm pregnant which was not supposed to happen . We have discussed it at length and want to get back together (we split up because we have been through a lot of shit over the last few years and blamed each other and basically were hating each other all the time). Time apart has helped sort that out and he has been round almost everyday to see the kids so they have not been that badly affected.

Now I had been to the council (before I found out about the pregnancy) and told them that I am about to be made homeless and they basically said that I would have to find another private rent or they would put me in a B&B.

Now bad as this sounds, I want to try for a council house (even if it means a B&B for a few months as the rents are so high in this area (1000 for a passable 3 bed and now I will need a 4 bed which will be about 1200) so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens. DH works but only brings in about 1800 a month and we will never be able to live on his wage in private rented especially as I won't be able to work with a baby and I can't stand the insecurity of having to move all the time (we have moved 3 times in the last 3 years). I am also bankrupt and will not be able to private rent unless I have a guarantor which I don't! Part of the reason for the problems with DH and I were financial as we lost everything (including our own home) when his business went under a few years back. He will also have to go bankrupt soon as his debts have been hanging around and with another child to pay for, he will not be able to pay them.

DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

i agree thesecondcoming

I also think the OP and husband should be ashamed of themselves as well - bankrupt, unemployed, about to be homeless, with children - you do not allow yourself to 'fall into bed' and get pregnant - ooops - unless you are feckless and selfish in the extreme

'merry christmas one and all,i do hope 2010 doesn't ever leave any of you down on your uppers and pregnant.'

No, it won't.

Because I've been there.

I've been through all this.

Such fun living over a guy who had Eastern European or Russian whatever gangs using blow torches to get into his flat and dropping £50 notes through your fucking letterbox at 6.10AM Sunday morning after they checked to make sure someone was over him before they petrol bombed the place after dealing with 29 out of 42 nights of his partying all night.

Been to the brink of suicide too many times thanks to PND.

No, when you get to that point and you're even semi-responsible you step up and say, OK, who's getting sterilised here, you or me, because this isn't fair to our kids.

You start selling shit left and right and you get a damn job doing whatever to get your damn kids out of the situation.

You have friends who offer first month's rend and deposit and you think, no, you know if you take them up on that offer, it doesn't matter how many millions they've got, you will do anything to pay them back.

You don't put your kids in a B&B with a bunch of junkies and fuckwits.

You do anything to avoid that if you
can.

And you feel sorry for those who have no other choice, like your own family. You'd do anything to help them if you could.

YOu don't do what the OP even considers.

You think the OP is a fool for even considering what she does, but most of all, you feel sorry for the kids.

Because if she's not a troll, well, she's one serious case.

FFS.

I take issue with those of you who are flaming me and a few others who have suggested a termination; I think that people fall into 2 camps- pro termination or not.
Termination is a tragedy but it happens millions of times a year, not just to single teenage girls but to middle class and older women also who decide that another baby is not right for them now- either for financial, emotional/relationship or health reasons.
It is not unreasonable to suggest this considering the OP's situaiton; unplanned baby, massive debts, homeless, depression recently.

The OP is a bit odd, she asks for peoples opinions then calls them names and swears at them when they tell her they dont agree with what shes doing...bizarre...is this the end of the thread now? Shame cos it was entertaining!

Anyone who posts on AIBU wants agreement that they are right-and they are not prepared to be flamed-even if they say they are!

purplepeony

Right this is where it gets serious.

The OP has posted a subject up for debate, she has asked opinions and they have been given.

OK, some have flamed her, fair enough,
But to "shop" someone on the basis of what they've posted on an internet website is small-minded, petty and evil.

I would hope that people have a right to anonymity here and that the good people who run this website DO NOT give out details of posters to OTHER posters WITHOUT express consent.

A postion statement from MN would be appreciated, please.

thedogs... I am telling you this, I've been on many a site, but the implicit rule is this:

what goes on on the site STAYS on the site.

You do not threaten to "shop" people for the questions they ask or the answers given.

Purplepeony is totally out of order and is not entering into the spirit of mumsnet- i.e. a place where people can enquire about various things in anonymity in order to get the views of others.

I know others have called me a "loon" for the opinions I have expressed here- I don't really mind. But if any of those who have called me a "loon" DO agree with me on THIS point PLEASE SAY SO.

Sorry, thedogs..." I am NOT suggesting for one second that YOU are threatening to "shop" the OP. For some reason, I typed your name and not Purplepeony*'s. My apologies.

Marantha - when exactly have I ever threatened to shop the OP???? I dont agree with what shes doing...I know plenty of people in real life who defraud the DSS or DWP whatever it is...but I DO NOT grass them up...

Marantha OK just saw your apology, humbly accepted!

Marantha- if you scroll down a bit you will see that at least 2 other posters suggested before me that 1) they would tell the council the truth if they could and b) someone thought she knew who OP was - and, by insinuation, would do the same.

I don't recall my saying I would shop her- what I did say was that she dim to post so mcuh detail- as agreed by another poster who is a lawyer- and that if others "shopped" her then I would be "happy"- meaning that she deserved it.

I know we have had our differences of opinion on this topic but if you single me out for saying something which others have said as well, then you are being unfair.

As for it being against the spirit of mumsnet- I think that's twaddle TBH. If anyone is doing something illegal then it is possible that other people will spill the beans, if they are so daft as to post on a public forum- and who is to say that thousands of lurkers won't do it anyway? It is not just those of us who post who actually read these forums.

'what goes on on the site STAYS on the site.'

Nah. not buying it, sorry. This isn't school and we aren't a secret club.
What goes on the site is in the public domain and can be used/quoted/read by anyone with an internet connection.

(Not saying I like it BTW< but that if this year has taught us one thing, it is that anyone can read us here...)

Personally I don't think that I would shop the poster for this thread (even assuming that I knew who she was). But I do think she's wrong in what she's contemplating doing. And I say that not (thankfully) having been in that position, so yes, it's easy for me to say. But it seems to me that it would be fraudulent. More important though is the fact that if she was succesful in getting a house she would have jumped the queue ahead of someone else in equal need, who was honest about their situation. And that's not fair.

Absolutely, ANYONE can READ us here- I don't deny it and Yes, OP is being daft to give so much info out.

I still maintain that all OP has done has asked an OPINION and opinions have been given.

In my opinion, she hasn't- to the best of my knowledge- done ANYTHING illegal by doing so.

Oh yes, if she DID move hubby in without telling the dwp, I have to admit that would be dodgy, but that is real life.

But I do feel that it is not for the posters here to shop her for it, it is for the dwp to do that.

However, asking an opinion should not be grounds for shopping her.

For all we know OP has considered our opinions, and decided not to do anything dodgy.

Quite Marantha, She hasn't done anything yet, as far as we know, so shopping her would be pointless anyway.

Haven't read whole thread but would echo those who warn against B&B - my BIL and his family did this, yes they ended up with a house but I would rather stick with my titchy flat that go through that, they were out in the sticks, the place was horrible, all shared facilities, and had to spend a Christmas there - no way. Also, you may not be entitled to a 4 bed house, depending on the ages and genders of your children.

You can still go on the council list for a house with DH as your partner - on most forms it covers people who do not live with you but would be rehoused with you. ALso some councils don't ask for income - our doesn't - just savings or mortgage amounts - so you can just say that you have financial issues which prevent you from privately renting.

Exactly.
Don't get me wrong, if people knew her in real life and knew for a fact that she was doing something illegal, then they have the right to shop her if that is what they want to do.

But all the OP has done has asked for opinions and I honestly do not believe that asking opinions is grounds for shopping anyone.
I'm sorry but I don't.

I think any talk of "shopping" her is totally out of order in this respect.

If the OP decides not to do something dodgy then she's got nothing to fear. If she does, she deserves the consequences. I don't think the issue of whether anyone on MN shops her is a big deal - they won't need to, there will be enough people in RL able to do that.

I also agree that the 'what goes on the site stays on the site' is schoolgirl type talk - FGS it's a public forum - anyone can read what goes on here, there must be thousands of people reading this who haven't posted anyway, so none of us know what their thoughts are on it. If you want something to be kept top secret, don't post on a public forum about it.

One thing is clear - the OP did not post wanting to seek advice. Once it became clear that the vast majority of posters think she's an ignorant fool and a poor example of parenting, she became abusive and even more irrational. I'm not sure what the OP's motivation was: I'm still thinking possibly a troll. In fact I hope so for her sake - being a very stupid troll is marginally better than being a very stupid genuine poster!

Then let those in real life who want to shop her do so, I, for one, would not shop ANYONE for asking an opinion.

When all is said and done, that is all she has done here. It is a post in the "AIBU" thread, after all.

Flame the OP as much as you want, but for goodness sake, appreciate that all she is doing here is asking people of their opinions.

She-to the best of my knowledge- has not yet done ANYTHING worth shopping over.

Maybe she is someone who does not have access to legal help- it is Christmas, after all- and was only after impartial advice from others along the lines of: "No it would be illegal if you did this, but not that".
One things for sure, she hasn't had much of that here!

The OP's dilemma is completely academic anyway. As soon as the Council establishes that her husband, estranged or not, has acess to a property it will expect her and the kids to go and live there. No B&B, no council house, end of.

Marantha- when you said this "but that is real life.," did you mean it was okay to commit fraud?

BTW Casserole was the first one to say she would shop her- several posts back.

and another BTW- MN have copyright over everything here. They can publish whatever they like- features in The Times for example - where they were quoting posts and nicknames from here.

You are being rather naive if you think anything in the public domain is confidential or that people will always be as charitable as you appear to want to be.

I also think it's very naive to think the OP was genuinely seeking advice.

She's either a) a bored housewife doing a bit of trolling or b) genuinely in the circumstances she describes but posted wanting everyone to say 'Ah poor you, yes, you go after your 4 bedroom house, while failing to mention that you are back with the father of your children, and while not intending to get off your backside and work'.

The one thing we can absolutely sure of is that she didn't come on seeking advice as to whether she is behaving like a scumbag!!