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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential fraud?

411 replies

DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 14:30

I am prepared to be flamed so go ahead but WWYD in my situation?

In brief - DH and I split up last year. 6 months ago, I lost my job due to depression and have since started getting better, have been living on benefits since then with DH paying maintenance for our 3 DCs. I have been desperately trying to get another job but my sickness record at my last job has gone against me. Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house because the landlord wants to sell - runs out end of Jan.

Over the last few months DH and I have been giving our relationship another go and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned) and I have just found out I'm pregnant which was not supposed to happen . We have discussed it at length and want to get back together (we split up because we have been through a lot of shit over the last few years and blamed each other and basically were hating each other all the time). Time apart has helped sort that out and he has been round almost everyday to see the kids so they have not been that badly affected.

Now I had been to the council (before I found out about the pregnancy) and told them that I am about to be made homeless and they basically said that I would have to find another private rent or they would put me in a B&B.

Now bad as this sounds, I want to try for a council house (even if it means a B&B for a few months as the rents are so high in this area (1000 for a passable 3 bed and now I will need a 4 bed which will be about 1200) so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens. DH works but only brings in about 1800 a month and we will never be able to live on his wage in private rented especially as I won't be able to work with a baby and I can't stand the insecurity of having to move all the time (we have moved 3 times in the last 3 years). I am also bankrupt and will not be able to private rent unless I have a guarantor which I don't! Part of the reason for the problems with DH and I were financial as we lost everything (including our own home) when his business went under a few years back. He will also have to go bankrupt soon as his debts have been hanging around and with another child to pay for, he will not be able to pay them.

DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

OP posts:
singersay · 23/12/2009 15:30

Ok so I thought I would add my 50p to this topic.

OP, I understand that you are trying to provide for your family and right now this seems like the only option but consider this...

the title of your topc "potential fraud" implies that you are aware your actions are not entirely truthful. Whilst Fraud does not have a specific definition as such it is something intended to decieve, delibarate trickery intended to gain an advantage.

This this instance you are trying to justify your untruths by facts that your family life may well be in diastrates but consider the outcomes of your actions

if when caught ( I woke within the fraud industry and would like to point out that we use publically available information when dealing with 'potentially fraudulant' cases) you could at the least get community service and at the most a prison sentence. if the later, you will have a conviction which will not only affect your ability to find a decent job ( whilst within the discloure period) but will also find it hard getting things like home insurance!

Now how will you explain to your 4 kids how you ended up in that predicament? how will you be able to lecture them on morality and doing what's right when on the other hand they have seen you pay for your sins first hand?

bear these points in mind with whatever decision you make. Remember your choses do not only impact your and DH's lives but your childrens and the way they view life and you (parents) in general...

I hope for the sake of your children you make an informed decision and are fully aware of the consequences... on your life and that of your childrens ....

Food for thought

MillyMollyMoo · 23/12/2009 15:49

Well I can understand the OP's line of thinking but the reality of 6 - 12 months in a B&B I could possibly do with 3 children out of nappies but with a newbon, no way. Personally I'd be getting rid of the accident, you've enough on your plate without another mouth to feed.

marantha · 23/12/2009 15:53

Yeah I think the OP is well aware by now that the snoop brigade will be on her back if husband moves in without her telling the dwp/council.

Best thing she can do is see CAB. They are, on the whole, a non-judgemental, intelligent group of people who allow their brains to rule their guts.
They will inform her NOT to break the rules but how to live within them and they will not fill her with urban myths and b***t.

violethill · 23/12/2009 15:54

To all those who seem to be able to conveniently separate the technicality of course of action and the morality of it.... can I just remind you that virtually all the MPs in the recent expenses scandal acted within the law. Yet their actions were widely denounced as disgusting and immoral - quite rightly in my opinion.

Double standards.

purplepeony · 23/12/2009 15:58

singersay- I agree with your post but can't help but smile at your spelling/malapropisms-

  • diastrates I woke* within the fraud industry. your choses**fraud has no definition- then you go on to give a dictionary definition.

Sorry- no hard feelings but raised a smile in this heated topic.

marantha · 23/12/2009 16:10

violethill right so you mean people shouldn't be able to separate things in their minds?
Well by your theory bang goes the legal profession, the medical profession and the nursing profession - all involved in these fields have to have some degree of separation in their minds.
A defence lawyer must muster a good defence in spite of his personal feelings for his client.
A medical doctor must put aside his personal feelings for a child-abusing patient and treat his physical condition as best as he can in spite of his contempt for the patient's crimes.

purplepeony · 23/12/2009 16:14

marantha- haven't you got some last minute shopping to do or some mince pies to make- you are getting too hot and bothered over this one!

violethill · 23/12/2009 16:22

marantha - of course people should be able to separate things in their minds! The point I was making is that when it comes to choosing to pursue a course of action, most intelligent people are able to weigh up more than one factor. Thus, the MPs who made ridiculous expenses claims would have done better not to just think 'Ah, I'm acting technically within the letter of the law, therefore that's ok', but to consider the moral aspects of it, the current economic climate, the mood of the public etc etc etc

What they did was technically legally fine. In every other aspect, it was a disgrace. Most intelligent people have very little difficulty getting their head around that.

Even if what the OP proposes is technically ok (which is dubious anyway) it shows no sense of fairness or good judgement and is a bloody poor example to her children.

marantha · 23/12/2009 16:43

Hmmm... yeah. But in all fairness to OP, she didn't really ask for moral jdugement, did she? She only asked if technically it was OK and not fraudulent.
I just wish THAT aspect would be discussed more here.
Like I said earlier, in the absence of abuse/cruelty, I believe all parents should stay together until their children reach adulthood. So please don't think I am without morals, cos I'm not.

violethill · 23/12/2009 16:46

She actually asked 'AIBU and am I being a total scumbag?' which does suggest she is inviting people's opinions and not just a specific answer about the legal technicalities.

But then she also said she was prepared to be flamed' which she quite clearly wasn't, as she just showed herself up as a right cow the moment anyone disagreed!!

expatinscotland · 23/12/2009 16:51

'Uh?! expatinscotland What are you on EARTH are you onabout-'

I might ask the same.

But I won't.

Because, well, it's rather pointless.

Like this thread.

Trip trap.

marantha · 23/12/2009 16:55

Yeah, but she said "total scumbag to try to get a house as a single parent".
The thing is, at this moment in time, she IS a single parent and this is accepted by the dwp.
Just because her and hubby are having sex, it does not mean he is supporting her financially and/or they are living together.
So, in my opinion, she is not a scumbag to try to get a house as a single parent because she IS a single parent and is telling the truth.
Ok, if hubby starts giving her money "off the books" and/ or moves in perhaps she would then be right to question her scumbag-ability.

marantha · 23/12/2009 17:03

IF she doesn't inform them he has moved in, that is.

purplepeony · 23/12/2009 17:08

The OP asked:
DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

The answer is - YES.
Does it really warrant all this debate?

I think it has been abundantly clear that the OP is being flamed for several reasons-

1 By her own admission she is trying to dupe the DWP.
2 Her reasons for wanting to have a council house are feeble- not wanting to have to move if in private rented, or unrealistic ideas of what size home they need.
3 Thinking that £30K a year is not enough to support a family on.
4 Fecklessly getting pregnant when she and her DH cannot feed and house 3 existing children, or says they can't.
5 Deciding in advance that she cannot and will not work after DC 4 arrives.
6 Expecting us to believe that she cannot find work due to a bout of depression- surely she could get a cleaning job or a shop job?

that's it really.

Let's leave this now- I keep coming back hoping the OP might have replied, but I reckon she's at the DWP stating her case now.

thedogsgottago · 23/12/2009 17:09

urm Marantha this has been pointed out to you quite a few times I think....she is planning to let DH move into the council house once she aquires it in her own words "so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens" do you not get this? Hes paying her maintenance so is financially supporting her.

purplepeony · 23/12/2009 17:11

Marantha- are you the OP?
you keep coming back and back and back as her main cheer leader. Go and do you Xmas shopping woman and leave us in peace. Please. You sound like a record that is stuck.

RomillyJane · 23/12/2009 17:22

"WWYD in my situation"

was the original question.

I would behave honestly and with integrity, so that I could hold my head up. I would not lie, and dishonestly claim something to which i was not entitled

shame you dont feel the same

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 23/12/2009 17:23

Shes not a single parent as she's not single. its not that hard. SHes married, pregnant and back together, it doesn't matter if he has a flat, shes not single. End of.

purplepeony · 23/12/2009 17:26

Romily- hear, hear.

Can I add that I would also look at finding a job- maybe even something I could do from home- both you and your DH had businesses so you must be enterprising.

I would seriously think if this baby was wanted whilst there was time to make a decision.

I would let my conscience prick me very hard- which is why I wrote this post originally, and find a rented home with my DH, and hopefully one that had an indefinite lease- they do exist you know.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 23/12/2009 17:30

Ha! IUs this still going on. Have'nt you got any present wrapping to do?

Marantha - I would not bother with this lot. Purplepeony obviously does not have much of a life and wants centre stage.

OP posts:
ilovemydogandmrobama · 23/12/2009 17:32

Expat, did you see the earlier link re: almond M & Ms?

On that basis, the thread is useful

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 23/12/2009 17:34

How very dare you question whether I should terminate my pregnancy just so someone more 'deserving' can get a council house instead of me! You seem to have a superiority complex and are a bit sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 23/12/2009 17:35

You have obviously never had to rent either if you think there is such a thing as an 'indefinate' lease. Why don't you crawl out of your own arsehole??

OP posts:
purplepeony · 23/12/2009 17:38

OP- you are still here! we all thought you had gone to the DWP.

well if having a superiority complex means I am capable of providng for my family without scrounging illegally(potentially) off the state, planning my pregnancies and being able to see what is right, wrong and morally reprehensible, yes, you are right - and I am very proud to be superior.

Maybe you should try it too.

curryfreak · 23/12/2009 17:39

You are taking the piss big time. This is fraud pure and simple!