Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not appreciate being given a charity gift?

258 replies

JannerBird · 19/12/2009 20:52

BIL has sent me and my DH a card saying that he has made a donation to a charity on our behalf for our christmas present. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a crap present? Can't help thinking that a donation to charity should be a private thing. At the very least I would have appreciated the chance to donate to a charity of our choice?

OP posts:
hatwoman · 19/12/2009 21:32

there was an article in the paper the other day about how they are, basically, weapons of the sort you describe, enigmaticflea

Ponders · 19/12/2009 21:36

I think it's really sad that charity giving (to adults) has become loaded like this

Who really needs another themed calendar/scented bathroom set/"amusing" book/foot spa?

FabioTwitterCat · 19/12/2009 21:36

Flea - I admire your restraint.

I would be unable to prevent myself from purchasing a giant heap of fertiliser.

FabioTwitterCat · 19/12/2009 21:37

ME Ponders ME

Ponders · 19/12/2009 21:37

oh all right then fabio, which do you want? (cat design feeding mat do you?)

FabioTwitterCat · 19/12/2009 21:43

I wants a bed that plays Lovecats when I roll over and a pair of night vision goggles.

Plans. I has them.

Morloth · 19/12/2009 21:44

Sounds good to me, no more stuff.

fishie · 19/12/2009 21:44

abusive ex-p asked my mum to make a donation to charity on his behalf instead of xmas present about 20y ago. she did so quietly and i know he was really peeved to not know how much or to which haha.

bloody vanity gifts. what you getting bil janner?

IsItMeOrSanta · 19/12/2009 21:45

YANBU - should be your choice of charity. Have you bought/given him his present yet? If not, take it back for refund and donate to charity of your choice.

Loving the idea of passive aggressive charitable donations.

thedollshouse Think it is a bit off the person complaining that their DDs didn't have a big enough haul of gifts.

SantaWears2SnowShoes · 19/12/2009 21:49

yanbu
he should go without himself
I never get this frocing of chartiy on others crap

Original poster
JannerBird · 19/12/2009 21:49

Trying to think if I've pissed him off in some way ! Great to have a range of opinions, this is the first time i've posted. And can entirely see the merit of not having to be pleased with novelty soap and 'handy' kitchen gadgets!!!

OP posts:
thedollshouse · 19/12/2009 21:51

I think she was annoyed as she hadn't bought them many presents because she didn't want to them receive too much as she was expecting presents from relatives. Her girls were only 3 and 5 at the time.

I agree with the poster who said it is better to request a charity gift as a present.

Original poster
JannerBird · 19/12/2009 21:51

Present to him already posted, put quite alot of though into it actually. Think I will have the 'lets just buy for the children' conversation next year.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 19/12/2009 21:52

YANBU

I don't need people to make charitable donations on my behalf. I can do it for myself thanks. I find it somewhat patronising to have someone chose to do charity for me.

If people wish to make a charitable onation then please do so - but do it in your own name, fon your own behalf.

You don't need to send me a gift, but please do your own charity, not oen for me.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/12/2009 21:54

I did it for my IL's and my parents a couple of years ago, really stuck so we did a help a granparent from Help the Aged, now IL's doing it to us every year, oh well, last year we donated a loo.

Original poster
JannerBird · 19/12/2009 21:55

Thank you Hulababy, you have summed it up much better than I could have done.

OP posts:
SnowMuchToBits · 19/12/2009 21:55

Think it's fine to request a charity-type present. But not to give one unless you are 100% sure that the recipient would want it.

E.g. a couple of years ago I did send a present like this to my sister, but only because she had specifically requested that type of gift.

Laquitar · 19/12/2009 21:55

'Friends' of us do the same every year.
I don't mind it so much but it is the lectures that piss me off. And the patronising talk to their dc's in loud voice 'we are not shallow to shop on xms darling are we? As intelligent thinking people we rebell to all this... blah blah..'

And i want to tell them 'oh ffs its christmas, lets go to Brent Cross'!

scrummymum · 19/12/2009 21:59

YANBU

I would never ever buy someone else a charity gift. If I wanted to give something to charity (which I have for years and actually work for one now), I would do it myself or I would ask for others to do the charity thing for my present.

Personally, I think BIL is doing the charity thing as a present so that he has the warm fuzzy feelings that he is doing something to help but also gets a huge pile of presents for himself with the added bonus that he didn't have to battle around the shops at christmas.

Lazy and cheeky IMO.

Ponders · 19/12/2009 21:59

"You don't need to send me a gift, but please do your own charity, not oen for me"

That's all very well, but how many billions of ££££ are spent every Christmas on total junk just because someone feels they do need to give someone a pres?

I really don't get this sniffy snotty "ho yuss, I give loads to charity, me, don't waste your money doing it on my behalf" ("I'll take your crap-novelty-wasted-money-gift instead" - because you know that is the alternative )

RumourOfAHurricane · 19/12/2009 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/12/2009 22:03

My parents know a family who do a joint donaion to charity. Every year they go somwhere for a picnic/bbq, they put into the pot what they would have spent on food, booze and presents, each year someone decides which charity.

Hulababy · 19/12/2009 22:20

But it doesn't have to be Ponders. I am more than happy to forgo a gift. And FWIW the gifts I do get are not tat that I don't want either. And I hope the gifts that I buy are not considered that either - effort and thoguht goes into them.

Fine to ask someone does this on your behalf if the buyer is also in agreement.

Fine to do a group charity thing when everyone is in agreement. We do this at work, nstead of buying cards/gifts, we donate an amount each (non disclosed amount, up to individual) for a local charity instead.

I just don't like this whole charity gift thing personally. I don't see the point. If someone wants to give to charity then do so. Why make it a gift to someone else?

Morosky · 19/12/2009 23:31

I think it depends, I get quite a few charity gifts , but people know I am the kind of heartbleeding ponce who would like them. Infact when people ask me what I want I say a charity gift.

But some people do like to buy you gifts which is also fine.

LongStory · 19/12/2009 23:48

Loving this thread, am 100pc with Ponders. We have kind of had an unplanned baby explosion in my extended family this year and had to re-think Christmas massively. In the end I've just bought for my children and said that as a gift I'd love to spend some time with friends and family during the year, and hope they'll give the same gift back. This seems to be going down well... (I have sympathy on my side, always helps, with baby twins plus 3 bigs plus 5 birthdays in 5 weeks plus busy job etc).

Swipe left for the next trending thread