to not appreciate being given a charity gift?

[JannerBird]

BIL has sent me and my DH a card saying that he has made a donation to a charity on our behalf for our christmas present. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a crap present? Can't help thinking that a donation to charity should be a private thing. At the very least I would have appreciated the chance to donate to a charity of our choice?

I hate charity gifts. I give to charity all year round and have a direct debit with some. Xmas is the time for presents, the only time, apart from birthdays, where I can enjoy myself, be pampered etc. So I'd be really peed off if I got a charity gift and even more so if it wasnt a favourite charity of mine.

I feel IABU in saying this, but I would feel he was being very holier than thou... fine if you say to everyone else "please don't buy me an xmas present, donate what you can to x" (my gran used to do this for her birthday, I thought very sensibly for an old person), but the other way around seems all wrong.

All the adults in my immediate family, plus a few friends, have agreed to give each other charity gifts plus a teeny token, for the last four years or so. We've all agreed it, and we'd all prefer that to masses of money spent on things we probably don't need. But the thing is, we've agreed it.

My uncle hates charity presents, though he gives a lot to charity. So we never give him any - its easy to ask.

Giving ANYONE something you don't think they'd like is pointless, at best. Whether its charity, gorgeous gift, or tat.

To the OP: the relevent bit, IMO, is whether or not he should have given it to you without asking you first...tbh, I suppose its just possible he was trying it out believing you'd like it (just as he could have given you a pair of mis-chosen socks)? Though only you know your BIL....

How would people feel about money put into an account in "your" name with www.kiva.org? You could take the cash out right away (I think, not sure though) or choose to lend it to small businesses overseas, reclaiming or reinvesting it later.

i really don't get the idea that you expect a present. that does seem childish.

regarding the charity thing - I would love it. what's not to like? for small children it's hard to understand - but surely we are all grown-ups here?

we are really not well off and could do with the money, or a tumble-dryer as a present, but that ain't going to happen!

sounds like some people on here are a bit spoilt.

I think YABU, but he should have picked one he's have thought you wanted, or asked you which one.

Please please tell me how on earth these old threads get resurrected?