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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's parties and bridezilla like attitudes.

360 replies

MsDoctor · 19/12/2009 18:16

Before I begin my ds(aged 7) doesn't care and doesn't really know about it.....

So he's just got back from a party where only some of the boys were invited for a sleep over.

In this house we try to be fair about everything and would insist that if ds wanted to have people for a sleep over he wouldn't be able to invite more children for a ice skating/cinema/climbing party. I would just feel it was unfair to the children left out.

It's almost bridezilla like to allow your children to disregard anyone else's feelings like this. We just wouldn't do it, our dcs would have to decide whether to have a sleep over or a party with lots of children.

Am I unreasonable to think this is teaching your children to be selfish and spoilt?

disclaimer... I feel like this about adult parties too, I was invited to one the other day and only realised when I got there that only 15 out of 25 parents had been invited, leaving the others left out.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 12:33

No, I said I wouldn't invite nearly all but not all.... I would invite a couple out of a small group but not 4/6, 6/8 etc....

this is not all or nothing this is kind or not giving a shit, being able to empathise with the one or two that would be left out.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 12:38

On my birthday a couple of times I have invited smaller group of friends for restaurant meal first and then everyone else to the pub afterwards.

Is that wrong too?

thisparachuteisaknapsack · 20/12/2009 12:42

Totally understand not inviting 4/6 as it is rather pointedly excluding just 2 people but what is wrong with 3/9?

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 12:42

3 out of 9 stayed - if your ante-natal group was 9 people woukd you really not meet 2 of them without the others?

This is fascinating.

Oblomov · 20/12/2009 12:52

Tis a mystery to me too.
I did know that parties were a bit fraught for some, not for me, becasue like morloth I just don't care, but this 'angle' is a new one on me. well wierd.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 12:52

No 3/4 boys, I think it's a given that the opposite sex can't stay.

OP posts:
wonderingwondering · 20/12/2009 12:54

The opposite sex can't stay? At 6 or 7 years old? This gets weirder and weirder!

Oblomov · 20/12/2009 12:54

They can't ???

wonderingwondering · 20/12/2009 12:56

So it is not OK to send some children home on grounds of space, but it is OK on the basis of their gender? If your argument is correct, OP, a child could never have a sleepover at all because the opposite sex would always be left out. No?

Morloth · 20/12/2009 13:00

This is bizarre. Good reading though, especially as I am putting off getting off my arse.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 13:04

I've never heard of children of the opposite sex staying at any age really....

OP posts:
wonderingwondering · 20/12/2009 13:07

If they are good enough friends to come to the party surely they are good enough to stay over.... or do some children have 'best friends' (often of the same gender) that they invite to a sleepover after the main party has finished...

MollieO · 20/12/2009 13:10

Am I going mad or didn't you post pre-party saying that your ds was the only one not invited for the sleepover?

I see nothing wrong with inviting 3 out of 9 to sleep over. I also don't see the issue with inviting 15 out of 25 adults. 15 plus partners will be 30 whereas 25+ will be 50. Big difference in terms of numbers in your house.

BrigitBigKnickers · 20/12/2009 13:12

I think if it's a big party and only a few for the sleep over then this is fine but not when only one child is left out of the sleepover.

This happened to DD a few times at junior school.

Once the girl in question and all her other little henchmen spent all weeks deliberately talking loudly about what they were going to do at the sleepover (9 girls by the way so not a small party.)

On the other occasion she was excluded altogether and the girls arrived from their party to a school disco (on the same night ) in a limo (10 year olds ) The party girl and the other invitees then proceeded to rub DDs nose in it by rushing up to her in the queue for the disco and screaming loudly about the limo making it perfectly clear to all the others that she had been left out. Fortunately one of her friends from a different class whisked her away and she enjoyed the disco anyway.

The mother stood by and watched it happen.

The girl in question is now 14 and a totally delightful not young lady.

DD went to a different secondary school to this delighful coven of witches group. I couldn't wait to get her away from the little bitches darlings and their nasty parents.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 13:17

MollieO...you are going mad.

And no partners were invited.

OP posts:
wonderingwondering · 20/12/2009 13:23

Brigit, that's allowing the need for selection to be used to bully and exclude, and that is wrong. But that's not an arguments against ever leaving anyone out of any element of a party. You do it in a way that is kind and considerate: i.e. there's no room for everyone to sleep over so we're having 2 stay, but it would be lovely if the other five of you could come bowling.

Same as I said about the wedding evening invite thing: the point is, you've been invited, not that you are lower in some imaginary ranking that you'd like to be.

macdoodle · 20/12/2009 13:23

You're a loon oh and YABU??
Do you really mean if you cant invite everyone then you invire no one
Sorry dont get it, do you really only go out with ALL your friends at once so no one gets hurt ?? You're barking!

Do you expect your DS to be invited to everything, I dont understand what it is you're upset about at all???

MollieO · 20/12/2009 13:24

Then there was someone else with the same age child and the same issue sometime in the last two weeks!

I still don't think 15 is bad. It would be different if it as 23 or so and so only one or two excluded. Its a bit like whole class parties. Last year in reception this seemed to be the norm. This year either there haven't been parties or ds hasn't been invited. Don't know and don't really care. I would care if ds came home and said that everyone has been invited to a party and he hasn't.

One of his best friends at school is having a party this week but ds isn't invited. Not sure he even knows about the party and I only know as I've heard other mums talking about it.

Oblomov · 20/12/2009 13:28

Good job OP is not my SIL. Because we have our children to sleep over regularly. And we bath them together aswell. Yes, its true, I tell you. 3 boys and a girl int he bath together. Ds(5) , her ds(5), her dd(3), and my ds(1) all in the bath together, god forbid and then all in the same bed together.

Bet Op would love that !!!

DunderMifflin · 20/12/2009 13:30

I haven't read all of the posts but I would say that I wouldn't think twice about inviting some children to a party and others to stay over on the same day.

Children talk and would know that a sleepover was happening that they weren't invited to (on a different day).

It was my DD's 7th birthday party yesterday - she was allowed to invite 10 friends to our house for a party. I would imagine that some of the children in her class knew she was having a party and some of them would have been disappointed at not coming. We couldn't invite everyone!

The other thing about sleepovers is you would usually invite kids you really knew and those who's parents you knew as well (I would imagine, haven't had one yet!) so it wouldn't be appropriate to invite everyone.

Finally, my DD was told that as the host to the party she needed to make sure everyone felt welcome and wasn't left out.

The comment that children are brats these days is ridiculous!

As someone said earlier, a mountain is being made out of a molehill and the opportunity for valuable lessons (that life isn't fair) overlooked.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 13:33

family is different...

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 13:35

I don't understand that it's a given that children staying the night must be the same gender either. If the child has friends of both sexes, which they obviously do as they invited both to the party, why is it a given that only same sex could stay? Even if birthday child's best friend was opposite sex?

It's not just me this is all barking isn't it?

Oblomov · 20/12/2009 13:39

Barking.

mrsruffallo · 20/12/2009 13:39

It's not just you, I'mSoNotTelling, I can't quite get my head around it either.
It's really not that big a deal!

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 13:40

Perhaps I would rather teach my child to be considerate than other people's children that life isn't fair.

OP posts:
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