Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's parties and bridezilla like attitudes.

360 replies

MsDoctor · 19/12/2009 18:16

Before I begin my ds(aged 7) doesn't care and doesn't really know about it.....

So he's just got back from a party where only some of the boys were invited for a sleep over.

In this house we try to be fair about everything and would insist that if ds wanted to have people for a sleep over he wouldn't be able to invite more children for a ice skating/cinema/climbing party. I would just feel it was unfair to the children left out.

It's almost bridezilla like to allow your children to disregard anyone else's feelings like this. We just wouldn't do it, our dcs would have to decide whether to have a sleep over or a party with lots of children.

Am I unreasonable to think this is teaching your children to be selfish and spoilt?

disclaimer... I feel like this about adult parties too, I was invited to one the other day and only realised when I got there that only 15 out of 25 parents had been invited, leaving the others left out.

OP posts:
thisparachuteisaknapsack · 19/12/2009 20:03

you are the one who thinks their ds should have everything. The birthday child hasn't had everything, he has had 10 to the party and 3 to sleepover. Your ds isn't bothered so why do you think his feelings need to be protected?

Do you seriously think that a parent not wanting 10 dcs for a sleepover is purely motivated by thinking that their child is the most important thing in the universe rather than by space or energy to look after 10 dcs?

wonderingwondering · 19/12/2009 20:03

I am really struggling to see the problem. Perhaps I'd describe your attitude as 'life-zilla'. The all-or-nothing approach you appear to approve of would have resulted in your son sitting at home today and hearing all about the party when he next sees his friends.

Or would have prevented a child having his 2 or 3 best-mates stay over in the interests of not 'hurting feelings' - where you admit yourself, your DS is oblivious.

I think you are projecting your own concerns on to the situation, and I don't think it is a reasonable approach. If a child or two is kicked out mid-party, or made to feel they are being 'left-out-, that's about how the parents handle the split between day and sleepover, not a problem with the idea of having a bigger day out and a smaller sleepover.

TinselianAstra · 19/12/2009 20:13

So would some of you prefer your child to not be invited at all rather than invited to just a daytime party and not the sleepover? If the parents had resources for a 10-person day party but only space for 5 to sleep over, and your child was not in the 'top 5'? Seriously?

Clary · 19/12/2009 20:42

yes I am also struggling to see how this has anything to do with a child being the most important thing in the universe?

having a bigger party then a smaller sleepover is not about wanting everything is it?

Ivykaty44 · 19/12/2009 21:02

So is this the same when you invite someone just to the evening part of a wedding?

Cos I have been invited to evening do's of weddings and wondered.....

deaddei · 19/12/2009 21:02

I think you are a loon.

deaddei · 19/12/2009 21:10

Why would you want a whole class at a party?
To get 30 crappy presents?
Children you don't know, parents you don't know?
Will you have every child in the class back for tea?
I have a huge house.
My dcs have never had more than 6 people at their parties.
And yes, sometimes one or two special friends have stayed for a sleepover. Nothing to do with party boy's feelings- to do with the realities of having loads of kids staying the night. Horrible. Impractical. Unnecessary.

prizeelliott · 19/12/2009 21:28

Waw my little ones too young for all this, embarking on 1st b day party in 2 weeks... reeling that kids now have to have a party and a sleepover...aged7!!! Whatever next?

Agree with initial comment... as a primary teacher have witnessed how unthoughtful kids this age can be when it comes to friendships... much talk of "You're not coming to my part" etc... surely this is like rubbing those less popular children s noses in it? (With parental encouragement). Not suggesting every child in the class should have to included in everything, but perhaps being a little more sensitive to others feelings. Why not have a sleepover on a different night? Can't imagine having a sleepover of over excited party tired 7 year olds who are high on sugar, e numbers and general party adrenaline any way, can you? Sounds like hell... Good luck to them I say!!!

Yummiestmum333 · 19/12/2009 22:25

YANBU!

If one of my children wanted a sleepover then they'd have to have a smaller amount of children to their party. I think it's pretty rude really for the hosts parents to do what they did.

I remember as a child a schoolfriend had a party and had everyone arriving at 5 minute intervals, eg her favorite person arrived 40 minutes early, next person 35 mins early etc. I think I was somewhere in the middle, but pity the poor sod who had to arrive at the party's actual starting time.

piscesmoon · 19/12/2009 22:58

I never ever understand why anyone would want a whole class party either! It causes all sorts of problems late on when the parties get smaller and the DC still thinks they should get invited.
I am really glad that mine are past that stage-it seems to cause so much angst among the parents, if not the DCs! It is a very simple matter to me-decide on a party ask DC who they want but keep the numbers low-have the party! It doesn't call for UN type diplomacy!
If someone wants a sleepover and your DC isn't part of it then just help them over the disappointment-if they are disappointed.

MillyR · 19/12/2009 23:06

I think it is very petty to worry about who gets invited to which event.

I certainly would not teach my child to be considerate of the feelings of people who are ludicrously over-sensitive and think the world revolves around them.

it is that kind of walking on eggshells upbringing that leads people to end up in controlling relationships and friendships as an adult. Very unhealthy.

cat64 · 19/12/2009 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn · 20/12/2009 05:06

I would have 2 separate events, the 'party' and a sleepover another night, or have all the kids stay, there's no way that half way through the fun I could send some children home while the others were buzzing with the plans for the sleepover. If my child really wanted the sleepover the same night, then the numbers invited would be limited to the number I was prepared to have overnight.

It's not the same as thinking everyone has to be invited to everything, everytime - it's being actively 'sent away' from the fun the children are currently having. Mean.

lowenergylightbulb · 20/12/2009 08:29

I read the thread title and was hoping that this topic was concerning the plethora of parents who can't deal with kids parties without being unpleasant, immature and downright odd.

Then I read the OP. Oh well.

lovechoc · 20/12/2009 08:52

I'm trying to imagine what i would do in this situation...I'd probably only allow DS to have a few friends over for a sleep-over from a party and the rest would have to go home. For a start, I don't have enough space for more than two or three other DC in the house. Simple as.

Be realistic fgs, life is s**t sometimes and the sooner children learn that the better. It's one mean world out there, and to try and wrap them up in cotton wool forever is just cruel. Let children appreciate that not everyone can be invited to these events after a party. There's always a reason for it, it's not out of plain badness.

deaddei · 20/12/2009 08:57

I suggest in future the op sends a quetionmaire to parents having the party, demanding to know the minute details of the birthday. Then she can decide whether or not to send her ds .
Downright odd- nice summary lowenergylightbulb.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 08:59

Perhaps teaching children to be considerate is a point many parents miss, they prefer to think of practicalities of space over the feelings of others.....no wonder in this Thatcherite, selfish, egocentric society in which we live. Little Johnny can have the party and the sleepover even if it upsets others, better that than just having one celebration.

Honestly no wonder children are such brats nowadays.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 09:00

deaddei, I'm sure you can read but are choosing to interpret my posts being about my ds and not about the way parents allow their dcs to be very selfish.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 20/12/2009 09:03

'I read the thread title and was hoping that this topic was concerning the plethora of parents who can't deal with kids parties without being unpleasant, immature and downright odd.

Parties certainly bring out the worst in parents! It is a simple party, some will be fun, some won't be fun, some will be very fair and some will be unfair-you are doing your DC a favour if you just take any sort in your stride and help your DC do the same. I get the impression that the DCs get over it all fairly quickly while the parent harbours resentment for years!!

Original poster
MsDoctor · 20/12/2009 09:06

Honestly no resentment, just recognition that we would never do this here....no two tier party.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 20/12/2009 09:10

Well I wouldn't do a two tier party either but if people want to do it-and they will-that is entirely up to them. Lots of people do things that I wouldn't do and it is a valuable lesson to DCs that life won't be fair-it never is!

traceybath · 20/12/2009 09:14

yanbu - I would do a sleepover on a different day for a few close friends.

mrsruffallo · 20/12/2009 09:21

YABVU
Your DS wasn't upset so what's the problem?
It seems that you are the one with the problem here.
I have had a huge party for dd with her two best friends staying over afterwards. I have no desire to have all 25 children sleeping over at my house and absolutely disagree that doing a seperate sleepover is a good idea.
It's a special occassion and part of the whole package I'm afraid.
Honestly, I would be very surprised if any of the mums were upset that I only asked two friends for a sleepover.
I think you are overreacting

mrsruffallo · 20/12/2009 09:22

And children these days aren't brats. What a silly thing to say.

piscesmoon · 20/12/2009 09:28

I think that the DCs know exactly who the best friends are and so it seems completely natural to them-however many parents can't deal with the fact that their DC isn't the best friend of everyone.
At the age of the OP mine had definite best friends and if I had done it everyone (children that is)would have been fine about it because they knew the friendship patterns.