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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children's parties and bridezilla like attitudes.

360 replies

MsDoctor · 19/12/2009 18:16

Before I begin my ds(aged 7) doesn't care and doesn't really know about it.....

So he's just got back from a party where only some of the boys were invited for a sleep over.

In this house we try to be fair about everything and would insist that if ds wanted to have people for a sleep over he wouldn't be able to invite more children for a ice skating/cinema/climbing party. I would just feel it was unfair to the children left out.

It's almost bridezilla like to allow your children to disregard anyone else's feelings like this. We just wouldn't do it, our dcs would have to decide whether to have a sleep over or a party with lots of children.

Am I unreasonable to think this is teaching your children to be selfish and spoilt?

disclaimer... I feel like this about adult parties too, I was invited to one the other day and only realised when I got there that only 15 out of 25 parents had been invited, leaving the others left out.

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 22/12/2009 00:42

Brilliant MsDoctor everyone who doesnt agree with you, far from being kind people giving you an alternative point of view to help answer your question, are all bridezillas.

No, you are not listening. You are being ungrateful that your son was invited to a party.

Have plenty else to do, but I like sparklefrog's posts so wishing her a happy Christmas!

piscesmoon · 22/12/2009 09:03

If you disagree ,you are deliberately misunderstanding, slow on the uptake and tedious! Although to be fair that wasn't MsDoctor.
I have understood from the start, MsDoctor's DS probably didn't know the arrangement and if he did he wasn't bothered (given to us in the first sentence) but MsDoctor thinks that allowing a DS to treat friends differently on their birthday is setting them up to be rude, selfish and spoilt for the rest of their life.
I see it differently, that he had a nice birthday party for friends and that a couple of special friends stayed the night. Although I would think it wrong if most of the guests stayed and a few went home, I see nothing wrong with a couple staying. Possibly the birthday child asked for OP's DS to stay but his mother was considerate and said that it wasn't fair to ask him as he was relatively new to the school and they were strangers. I am very surprised that anyone with a DS of that age would want them to stay the night with a family they don't know. OP just seems to be miffed that her DS missed out and some were getting more.
Since her DS seems to have a really healthy attitude to it I would foster that, rather than making him a person who doesn't enjoy what he does get because he is jealously looking at what others get.
I have never done it, but I can see at that age that if my DS had asked for a sleepover I might have said that one friend could stay on- but I would only have had a friend that I knew well-I wouldn't have risked the unknown when they were already over excited and I was exhausted from running a full scale party.
I don't think it rude. I accept that some people do. Since there is this huge difference of opinion, everyone is best to help their DC overcome the disppointment. Life will never be fair and I don't think it good for the character if parents always try and and avoid hurts-if they can't deal with childhood disappointments they are going to find it far more difficult in adult life.

sparklefrog · 22/12/2009 09:11

Thanks WorkingItOutAsIgo

Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year to you too, and to everyone on MN.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 09:38

Thats what happened spice, they finsihed eating when we arrived and just had a few bits of pizzas and sausage rolls for the evening, bit, and they spent about £15K on the actual wedding and planned over 2 years so its not like they were short of a bob or two or were rushed . But the evening do we went to for my dh friends was lovely, complementary drink and lovely buffet food, its just that more thought went into it.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 09:45

On noimsonottelling your birthday sounds great, but its just my gripe about that particular wedding that we went to where guests were treated differently, more thought went into the main meal and the evening was an afterthought really, thats different Imsonotelling. We arrived just as guests had finished eating.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 09:56

Gosh chill op, your son was invited to a party,i understand from other posters that he was new to the school and area so e greatful for that, i know that i would. So what he did not stay over for the sleepover, would you be happy for your dc to stay at a strange house overnight, you dont know the parents that well, i would rather not imo. You have to teach your dc to accept things with good grace and not expectation, i am glad your ds does not know about it, dont say a word and keep all these feelings away from him.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 09:57

at 7 he is still young and to stay at a strange house overnight where he does not really know the boys mum and dad that well or the boy is . Leave sleepovers for when he gets to know children well and you know the parents

spicybingowings · 22/12/2009 10:25

YANBU and I entirely agree teaching children that life is unfair is totally different to allowing them to behave unfairly.

I am also at one post which infers that people who invite the whole class to parties only do so to get lots of return invitations - what a dreadfully sad and cynical way to think. I invited the whole of my DD's reception class and nursery class because at that age I think it is awful to leave kids out. I don't expect (or want tbh!) 29 return invitations.

MsDoctor I like your style, you have coped with some very rude posts very well! (and by rude I don't mean people who disagree, I mean comments like 'you're a loon')

piscesmoon · 22/12/2009 10:29

I take it that you want 10 young children that you don't know sleeping over then spicybingowings!

Morloth · 22/12/2009 10:29

We had a "two tier" wedding. Over 500 people came to the ceremony and an afternoon tea afterwards (where we did the cake/speeches etc). We specifically requested no gifts in those invites.

We then had a dinner a few hours later, for about 100 family and close friends. We simply could not afford to feed 500 people a full sit down dinner, but as we were members of a big church and everyone wanted to come we didn't want to exclude anyone either.

It went off perfectly, everyone had a great time.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:06

No i did not expect a full sit down meal just a bit more thought into the evening recpetion and mabey leave the speeches until then so that everyone can participate

piscesmoon · 22/12/2009 12:54

I think that if you go to a wedding you follow the culture of the country-not try to change it. A wedding, a reception and an evening party are the norm in the UK now and the speeches are done at the reception-it isn't rude and I have never known anyone upset.

deaddei · 22/12/2009 13:09

I can't believe this thread is still running!
I have to say that I don't think anyone has the right to EXPECT certain things if you've been invited to a wedding. I would be very happy to share part of the day with friends- I wouldn't even question the fact that I wasn't invited to an all day do.
It's none of your business how others choose to plan their day- if you don't like it, don't go.

bruffin · 22/12/2009 13:15

Even cultural weddings in this country change. In the 60's greek cypriot weddings were huge affairs, with friends inviting friends, big trays of food bought around and bottles of whiskey on the table.

Nowadays they tend to be invite only, westend hotel type venue with a sit down meal.

I don't agree with the OP that a sleep over for a few after a larger party is unfair. I would rather have a larger party, therefore including more and smaller sleep over than a small party which is less inclusive so they can all stay for a sleepover.

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/12/2009 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MsDoctor · 22/12/2009 13:29

QUIck pigletmania, I think there's another bandwagon that you're too slow for again.....

that's what happens when you post on the coat tails of others you see..... telling me to chill after I haven't really posted since your last flurry of posts makes your posts rather silly.

ISNT>>>>msdoctor still wondering about my scenario. Do you think that on my birthday, when I have gone to a resturant with some friends for a meal, and then met everyone else in the pub, is rude?

I think you're rather self important, why bother having dinner at all? Just drinks surely......still not the same as the party idea though is it? Unless you are seven.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 22/12/2009 13:35

Is that a joke ? Or you actually think it's "self important" for an adult to go out with their friends for a meal to celebrate their birthday ?

What an extraordinary attitude.

Original poster
MsDoctor · 22/12/2009 13:50

To go out for a meal and then ask other people to join you later for a drink.... although I must admit most of my friends would have to make an occasion to go out and organise babysitters and I wouldn't dream of asking them to come after we've eaten....I don't associate with any drinkers, certainly not pub drinkers.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 22/12/2009 13:54

"....I don't associate with any drinkers, certainly not pub drinkers."

Original poster
MsDoctor · 22/12/2009 14:06

what's the problem with that? I would imagine that's pretty common amongst people with small children.

OP posts:
deaddei · 22/12/2009 14:12

What about wine bar drinkers?

Pikelit · 22/12/2009 14:12

What is a "pub drinker"?

Only from this highly pejorative description, I have a vision of an unkempt, and certainly unwashed, drunk in a wifebeater's vest who, when not uttering aggressive but incoherent ramblings is vomiting into the spitoons.

Which doesn't fit anyone I know (with or without small children) who drink in the positively precious pubs we have round here!

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 22/12/2009 14:22

those pub drinkers are a terrible lot
avoid them like the plague
almost as bad as those sorts who not only drink in pubs but who then go to takeaways afterwards

ReindeerInaSkoda · 22/12/2009 14:26

I prefer to don my hairiest shirt and distribute alms on my birthday. Only self-important people go out for dinner. Drinks afterwards - with pub drinkers is just . Street drinkers are another matter entirely though.

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 22/12/2009 14:27

Merry Christmas one and all

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