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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why anyone would want to live like this?

358 replies

LetThereBeRock · 15/12/2009 17:29

I know this could be a controversial topic, most likely will be,and each to their own, none of my business etc but I really can't understand it.

A friend is getting married soon.She's a real bibliophile,as is her soon to be dh, and has asked for several books on her wedding list.

However some of the books she has asked for are rather odd,The Surrendered Wife for example, The Politically Incorrect Wife,Liberated Through Submission and similarly titled books.

I've Googled them and the lifestyle they advocate certainly isn't one that I agree with or would care for.

An example from The Surrendered Wife ' surrendered wife always says yes and is always available for sex."'

I thought at first that the wedding list was a bit of a joke, but I've spoken to her since,albeit briefly, and apparently it's not.

So AIBU to wonder why anyone would want to live a submissive life, and AIBU to think that's it rather odd to request such things on one's wedding list?

I

OP posts:
Kaloki · 15/12/2009 19:38

I know really want to read this because, just out of curiousity.

AliGrylls · 15/12/2009 19:40

Nickytwotimes,

I very much doubt anyone on this board believes it. However it is a quote from within feminism (Catherine Mackinnon).

Dittany is continually (especially to Fibilou) trying to say that if you accept any of feminism, you have to accept it all. I feel that I have the right to pick and choose.

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2009 19:42

But I don't see what part of feminism anyone wouldn't want to accept.

Surely everyone supports equality?

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2009 19:46

..and if you mean the Mackinnon quote, that was within a particular context. And hotly debated.
The central tenant of feminism is surely universally desirable.

dittany · 15/12/2009 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

almostreal · 15/12/2009 19:48

Ah well makes a change from a toaster.

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2009 19:50

Bloody hell, didn't realise it was a fabrication.
Not surprised really though.

Quattrocento · 15/12/2009 19:54

I so want to be the central tenant of feminism but fear that Germaine Greer signed the lease first ...

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2009 19:56

Yes, thank you Quattro.

See you in pedant's corner.

dittany · 15/12/2009 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmIrian · 15/12/2009 19:58

Get her a copy of Pure Lust by Mary Daly. Since she is clearly interested in the socio-economic dynamics of the male/female relationship

londonone · 15/12/2009 20:26

Yes but what amounts to sexual discrimination at work? When you look at the way the legislation has been abused ovre the years it is unsurprising that there is a backlash. Equal pay for equal work yes, the right to take a year off based on your gender and not have it impact yur career prospects? Not in my book. The last lot of equality and diversity training I attended was quite frankly ludicrous.

JeremyVile · 15/12/2009 20:28

Oh god. its so utterly depressing.

WillieWalsh · 15/12/2009 20:28

ooh JV
bonjour

dittany · 15/12/2009 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honie · 15/12/2009 21:13

Why do some women consider it their job to protect other women from men telling them how to live by telling them how to live? If I chose to submit to my DH then thats my choice, the feminists of the past fought to give me that choice. If you, dittany dont want to submit then that is your choice. As women we get to choose how we live, surely thats power to us both.

Your attitude, and others on here, belittle the choices other women have made, and thats just the opposite of us looking after each other and fighting for our rights.

I wouldn't read this book, it isn't about submissive women, or submissive relationships, it's about women respecting their hubbies if the relationship has gone down that path.

How odd to put it on your wedding gift list though - very brave considering how judgey people are (as proved tonight!! )

If the bloke is abusive would he want to advertise it on the gift list?

honie · 15/12/2009 21:18

It's funny though in a discussion about books that are putting forth propaganda that women must submit to men, and that it's men who have the right to be dominant,

This is lifestyle choice - not 'men most be in charge' but 'I like my bloke to deal with the crap, act macho and look after me'.

that feminists are the ones getting it in the neck.

Such a feminist you want to take away my choices and belitte me for my lifestyle.

Of course men get sexuay harressed. What makes you think they don't?

honie · 15/12/2009 21:19

Must.

My keyboard isn't working properly tonight!

MrsRigby · 15/12/2009 21:20

If thats what she wants, buy her a book/s.

I'm quite submissive, my DH is definately the one who wears the trousers.

I'm afraid I don't believe in equality - definately not a feminist (not that I'm saying that if you do believe in equality that you are).

If it really doesn't sit well with you, just give her some money or vouchers instead.

dittany · 15/12/2009 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookiemater · 15/12/2009 21:25

Ooh anyone else queueing in line for Quattros "Secrets of a Stroppy Wife" I can see it being a mumsnet best seller.

But yes kind of odd to ask for this on a wedding list, we received The Sixty Minute Marriage by Rob Parsons as a wedding gift and I enjoyed that as it was how as a couple you can support each other which is what I thought it was all about.

hatwoman · 15/12/2009 21:37

anyone else feel like weeping at the irony of dittany's link, where the "all sex is rape" myth is debunked, having one of those stupid weight-loss adverts in which a perfectly normal figure is portrayed as overweight next to a size 0.

and at the idea that feminism has become more radical and extreme and about more than equality. last time I looked feminism was, if anything, a lot less radical than, for example, in the 60s.

2kidzandi · 15/12/2009 21:45

The thing is i feel that many people equate feminism with being the same as men.

Whereas it ought IMO to be about being treated with equal respect in acknowledgment of our innate differences and preferences.

I personally feel that on the whole men and women are wired differently. Otherwise relationships would be a lot easier to negotiate. Furthermore, as a person and an individual first, I feel I have the right to define my own idea of femininity and behave accordingly.

I wonder how many of the hardline feminists have proposed to their husbands instead of waiting to be asked, are happy to stand on a crowded bus when heavily pregnant etc?

honie · 15/12/2009 21:50

Dittany, I clearly state that I wouldn't read the book.

New found feminism? No, just my rights, that you chose to belittle because you've read something somewhere but are too blinkered to actually see real people. But of course you are doing it for the good of all us girls huh?

Again, does the book, say you 'must' submit to your husband? Or to any man at all.

It's a self help book, same as any other, and not something I would ever consider buying/reading. I haven't ever needed one, I'm more than happy with myself and my mindset.

Everyone can have an opinion on what feminism means to them - but why does it so often crop up that some feminists feel they can push their defination on the rest of us (just like the blokes you say shouldn't be able to do this)?

No point in this anyway, you're too narrow minded about the topic of submissive women to have a balanced discussion.

honie · 15/12/2009 21:51

2kidz, you said it so much better than I did, way too tired tonight!