Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give the child a biscuit

292 replies

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 10/12/2009 14:07

Went to Tesco's this morning to do the grocery shop before hopping on the bus home.

Got a bit peckish so opened a new packet of chocolate bourbons and started reading my book before I noticed a 3-4 year old kicking off shouting he wanted a biscuit.

Cue the mum of said child turning to the child and saying "Would you like a biscuit?", child obviously says yes and the mum turned to me.

I carried on reading my book and the mum attracted my attention and asked for a bisucit for the still tantruming child.

I refused to give the child a biscuit - cue the child tantruming until he got off the bus 10 minutes later and lots of looks from the mum.

So should I have given the child a biscuit - I wouldn't have expected anyone to give dc (2.2) a biscuit and would have soon told him to stop tantruming and causing a nuisance on the bus.

OP posts:
poinsettydawg · 10/12/2009 20:42

I think we are feeding small children here, cory

LtEveDallas · 10/12/2009 20:43

I once had a woman (of about 30) cadge a ciggy off me (I was 18), light it and pass it to her (about) 10 YEAR OLD

I just stood there mumbling 'what the fuckin fuck?????' while they merrily walked off down the High Street, SMOKING MY FAG......

(and to add insult to injury - I'd only given her the fag because I felt a leeetle intimidated - AND IT WAS MY LAST ONE)

Biscuits, bollocks bring on the B&H

cory · 10/12/2009 20:52

I could not have reconciled it with my conscience to let that poor child take away the wrong message with a bourbon.

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 10/12/2009 21:26

award for most ridiculous thread ever?

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 10/12/2009 22:30
Biscuit
IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 10/12/2009 22:46

to you too

blueshoes · 10/12/2009 22:55

To OP, YABU and sanctimonious (thanks Cory, I like the word) and greedy.

epithet · 10/12/2009 22:56

We aren't allowed to eat on buses round here. There is a sign.

JoInScotland · 10/12/2009 23:00

I think after a stranger asking her child first if he'd like a biscuit, and then me, I would have done my, "What's the magic word then?" trick. If the child said "please" then a biscuit might have been forthcoming from me. If not, then I would have munched on regardless... (I don't think the Mum ever said "Please" did she? See, no magic..)

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 10/12/2009 23:41

I think Jo's right.

CardyMow · 10/12/2009 23:42

YANBU!!! I travel by bus every day, have done for 6 yrs (since my youngest was newborn, had a toddler and a 5yo back then, If ANY of my children had been rude enough to tantrum over someone else's food on the bus, they would have got a resounding NO from me, even if said person munching biccies had offered one. What sort of message is that mum giving her child? Oh, you're 21 and you want some money, it's ok to go and grab it from the lady next to you on the bus....??? OP is sooooo not unreasonable! (maybe I am the grinch in disguise, but really, where's the mother's manners? Did she leave them at the bus stop??)

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 10/12/2009 23:46

Poinsetty! Me, a grinch?!!! GASP! I am the most Christmassy Christmasser that ever Christmassed!

To clairify, I have given treats to children before who were eyeing them up but being polite. This has not happened often merely because I don't often eat on the bus. However, if a child were throwing a complete hiss and screaming that he wanted my cookies, and then his mother, instead of being embarrassed by her child's tantrum, asked me if he could have one, I would definitely not want him to. Instead of just saying "no", though, I'd offer the germ thing up so as not to offend. (Maybe I would just look like a crazy OCD germ freak...hmm...)

nappyaddict · 10/12/2009 23:59

My son (3.5) does have SN and often tantrums when he sees other people with something he would like whether it be a dummy, crisps, chocolate, a biscuit etc. Inside I would secretly be thinking please offer him one else you are going to be giving me dirty looks for the next hour on the bus whilst he proceeds to scream louder and louder but I would never be so rude as to ask.

Heated · 11/12/2009 00:06

[Evil ] If you do a really good tantrum and scweam and scweam until you're sick, then you can have a biscuit.

BrigitBigKnickers · 11/12/2009 00:27

YANBU in the slightest!

Why is it so difficult for some people to say no to a child? What would happen if we all gave in to tantruming children on buses even if they are exhibiting difficult behaviour?

No wonder teachers have such a hard time with the little brats darlings in their classes.

Not only would I have refused the child a biscuit, I would have broken open the bourbon and relished, slowly licking out the contents!

MadamDeathstare · 11/12/2009 05:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justaboutisfatandtired · 11/12/2009 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coldtits · 11/12/2009 08:34

I've begged a nappy before, after ds2 caught me out with a Giant Poo, but I figured that a nappy is a need, a biscuit is a want.

Adair · 11/12/2009 08:46

Hang on (still thinking about this ), I'm with Custy - how did/could the conversation go?

Mum: aw, would you like a biscuit?

Child: (sobs) yes

Mum: Excuse me, could my child have a biscuit?

You: of course

Mum & Child: thank you

OR

You: no

Mum sorry darling, you can't have one, they're not yours

CHild: waaaaahhhh, mum tries to deal with tired, hungry child on bus.

You sit and ignore the tantrum, that you could have averted by getting them to say please/calm down/etc as I and Jo and others have said, and giving one biscuit.

Am quite that most people seem to think this was the right thing to do in this situation. Selfish and weird.

Vallhala · 11/12/2009 09:09

Adair - are you for real?

Unless the child had SN perhaps a slap would have been more approeiate, though whether for te spoilt brat child or ill-mannered mother I'm not sure.

As has been said, no wonder teachers struggle so when there are people willing to indulge behaviour such as this.

catinthehat2 · 11/12/2009 09:16

I am mostly loving Cory's:

"It Takes A Village To Raise A Child" which will be added to my list of passive aggressery.

Expect to see that one a lot from me, it may replace "Are you depressed perhaps?"

Adair · 11/12/2009 09:25

Well, I am a teacher. And have lovely, well-mannered kids but think a bus is the place where you pre-empt stroppy situations and use your wiles to 'give in' without 'giving in' (by saying please etc first for example). Kids get tired, bored whatever on a bus and I'd rather give up a biscuit than listen to a tantrumming child for ten mins tbh.

LedodgyChristmasjumper · 11/12/2009 09:28

You should have just given the child a biscuit and had done with it. The mum probably asked the child first so you knew it was ok to give him a biscuit.

Adair · 11/12/2009 09:29

(ha, have just refused my own child a bourbon from the biscuit tin -too messy- in favour of a custard cream... ignored the mini-strop )

If it was my child, I'd be able to distract or whatever but other people seem unable to do it so I'd just give 'em the biscuit. Takes a village- is the 'say please' part.

Vallhala · 11/12/2009 09:31

We must agree to differ Adair. My children can be a nightmare but I'm very proud of their manners, which have often brought them (and me ) compliments. I put this down to setting a good example - eg that it is absolutely unacceptable to ask a stranger to give you their food - and to not giving in to tantrums.

Swipe left for the next trending thread