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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give the child a biscuit

292 replies

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 10/12/2009 14:07

Went to Tesco's this morning to do the grocery shop before hopping on the bus home.

Got a bit peckish so opened a new packet of chocolate bourbons and started reading my book before I noticed a 3-4 year old kicking off shouting he wanted a biscuit.

Cue the mum of said child turning to the child and saying "Would you like a biscuit?", child obviously says yes and the mum turned to me.

I carried on reading my book and the mum attracted my attention and asked for a bisucit for the still tantruming child.

I refused to give the child a biscuit - cue the child tantruming until he got off the bus 10 minutes later and lots of looks from the mum.

So should I have given the child a biscuit - I wouldn't have expected anyone to give dc (2.2) a biscuit and would have soon told him to stop tantruming and causing a nuisance on the bus.

OP posts:
saadia · 11/12/2009 10:53

coolbeans that's lovely but if you had said "wait a minute you can whatever food the other passengers have" and then looked around expectantly then there may not have been so much goodwill.

As a child whenever we had sweets on buses my mum always told us to offer them to other children, and a couple of years ago on Eurostar ds1 (was 4 at the time) made friends with a boy whose mum went to get some biscuits from the canteen - she came back and offered them to both my dss but I would never have asked for any, despite the fact that our dss were getting along so well.

mrsshackleton · 11/12/2009 10:54

yanbu

End of

Adair · 11/12/2009 11:05

but she didn't say 'you can have whatever the other passengers have', she said 'would you like a biscuit?' to her son.
I would have said that too, in 'How to Talk' empathy fashion. THe next sentences might have been 'i'm sorry, sweetheart but they're not ours. I don't have anything. We can have a biscuit when we get home. Ooh, what biscuit are you going to have?'

but I still would have said 'aw, do you want a biscuit?' to acknowledge it. And I might have asked you, if you possibly didn't mind giving him a biscuit...

LC200 · 11/12/2009 11:42

My son (nearly 4) had a massive tantrum in the doctor's surgery the other day because a toddler had biscuits and he wanted one. He has regular tantrums, despite the fact that I never, ever give in to them. I would have been mortified if he'd been offered one, as it would totally have stumped my "tantrums don't get you what you want" argument.

I would never, ever have asked the other mother for one, although I have to admit I was a bit judgy that she was giving her child biscuits from a great big packet at 9 in the morning, in full view of lots of other kids.

So perhaps you were beversoslightlyu for eating biscuits on the bus in the first place.

Tryharder · 11/12/2009 11:48

She was a cheeky cow for asking but tbh, you were a little bit mean for not giving him a biscuit and probably came across a bit judgey.

SpottyMuldoon · 11/12/2009 12:02

I would have said 'I know you want a biscuit but they are not ours and you can have one when we get home.' If I was OP and heard mother say that then I probably would be inclined to offer (after checking with mother first). It's the sense of expectation that would get my back up.

If you say 'Do you want a biscuit?' and then have to say 'Sorry, you can't have one' that's going to make things even worse.

In this scenario I wouldn't have given a biscuit just because little Timmy demanded one and his mother assumed that everyone would be willing to give the little soldier whatever his heart desires.

If I'm out and give DS something to eat it wouldn't occur to me to offer everyone nearby something as well. If someone is eating a twix on the bus I don't start watching them intently and then crying that I want some chocolate. I know I'm not 3 but I wouldn't entertain DS behaving like that either.

If it was in my house and I had guests fair enough but total strangers can, on the whole, bog right off.

notsoteenagemum · 11/12/2009 12:18

Yanbu
Where would it stop?
My ds had a tantrum aged about 3 over being unable to take a bike at ELC home. I didn't say to the shopkeeper "Can I have the bike?"

Paolosgirl · 11/12/2009 12:59

Presumably the OP wasn't planning to sell the bourbons though. It was one silly little biscuit - not a bike from the ELC. Totally different scenario.

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 11/12/2009 13:05

Same principle. Bike or biscuit, it wasn't the child's to have.

SpottyMuldoon · 11/12/2009 13:09

Slippery slope.

Expecting total strangers to give you their stuff because you want some is insane.

'It's only a biscuit' - bollocks.

nothingofthesort · 11/12/2009 13:12

That's the Christmas spirit. Who can spare a biscuit these days for some random little kid anyway?
YANBU.

Paolosgirl · 11/12/2009 13:37

No, not bollocks. Bollocks that a grown woman would be so petty about a biscuit. A 3 year old kicked off on a bus - OK, so you might be pissed off at the mother, but to sit there ignoring the cries of a child who was probably hungry, tired and fed up, while you sit there reading your book is weird.

Fine - so you don't like the way the mother asked for it, but it was a 3 year old and one biscuit ffs.

bruffin · 11/12/2009 13:43

It's not about a biscuit, it's about giving in to a tamtrum. The OP said the child wasn't upset until he saw the biscuit and tantrumed because he wanted one, doesn't sound like he was tired or hungry.

ThumbleBells · 11/12/2009 13:58

This really ought to be in Discussions of the Day - I feel MNHQ are deliberately not including it so that we are not seen to be continually obsessed with biscuits, as the Outside World meeja seem to think we are.

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 11/12/2009 15:57

Right, adair, but that's totally different. Saying, "Oh, I know you want a cookie. They aren't ours, though. How about we have one when we get home! Won't that be nice!" is different from "Can he have a biscuit?" Honestly, in the first instance (which is what I would have said to my own DS in the situation) most people probably would offer a biscuit after overhearing. But if you just ask your screamin-bloody-murder child, "Want one?" and then asked this complete stranger for their food...it just seems off to me and I don't blame the OP.

StayingSantasGirl · 11/12/2009 16:13

We don't know that the child was hungry, tired or fed up - he might just have been having a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted!!

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 11/12/2009 16:17

That poor child. The OP explained ages ago that he'd had that nasty incident on the stairs.

poinsettydawg · 11/12/2009 16:19

one day we hand over a bourbon
the next, the kid's on crack cocaine

StayingSantasGirl · 11/12/2009 16:51

Well, I hope he won't be wanting to share MY cocaine on the bus, poinsettydawg!!

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 11/12/2009 16:52

Why don't cocaine users ever want to share? I reckon they were the bourbon-hoggers of yore.

nellyjane · 11/12/2009 18:10

That's the trouble with cocaine; very more-ish

EdgarAleNPie · 11/12/2009 18:15

all the coke takers i have met on the bus have been very willing to share...

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 11/12/2009 18:17

What I don't understand is intravenous drug users not sharing their needles on the bus! I mean, it's Christmas. And what if I had special needs? They don't know!

Hmmph. All this talk about diseases is ridiculous. It's just grinchy, is what.

VengefulKitty · 11/12/2009 23:12

Bikkies to cocaine... only on MN!

LilyBolero · 11/12/2009 23:50

Blimey at this thread - and blimey that some people think it is unreasonable to NOT give a random strange child on a bus a biscuit just because they have thrown a tantrum....

If my child tried that they would be told in no uncertain terms that it was NOT ok to ask for food from people they don't know.

And what's more, I have spent the last 8 years telling children to 'not accept food from strangers', as part of 'stranger danger' education.

I think as an adult you should be able to have a biscuit without some spoilt child demanding one. I would be embarrassed if I was that child's mother, and far from asking for a biscuit, would be apologising for the child's screaming.