to wonder why some women 'bother' to have children???

[babiesblue]

I know a woman who had her dc around the same time I had my 1st. Our mothers are friends.
Just recently Mum has told me about meeting up with her and her Mum at some social event.
This woman spent the entire meeting explaining to my Mum about how busy she is at work, and how little time she gets to spend with her dc. Dc goes to stay with grandparents on Sunday evenings so that they can do the nursery run on Monday mornings (so that she doesn't have to get dc ready as she's getting herself ready for work - grandparents bring the child to nursery every morning also and collect in evening). Apparently (at 2yo) dc has never slept through the night, and she's exhausted. Her husbands mother, once a week, delivers a week's worth of food to her house for the child to eat.
And, since I've now had my 2nd dc, she was asking how we all were, and saying that herself and her dh were thinking about having a 2nd baby.
My point is, although I think she's very lucky having all the help from her family, I just can't help feeling that she isn't actually looking after the child she has, let alone would be able to look after a 2nd!!!
Also (now maybe you think I'm being really mean???) she works full-time - fair enough - and isn't home before dc goes to bed most nights (relies on grandparents again), so doesn't really see dc that much during the week, but at the weekends she continues to make arrangements with friends to meet up and go to the ballet, the opera, the theatre (where she saw my Mum), out for lunch or dinner, and so therefore still doesn't see her dc.

AIBU to wonder why she's planning to have another child when she hardly sees the one she has???

Anyway, pooexplosions, I think the way we all parent does affect society as a whole.

Agreed - but I object to why the OP rings WOHM vs. SAHM into the equation. It seems irrelevant IMO.

That's me too then - we don't have a nanny and I do work full time but I do hate spending every 'spare' minute I have with my lot. As I was told on another thread, I am clearly someone who should have been sterilised.

I think as long as a child feels secure, happy and loved - whether by one primary caregiver or a variety of them - there is no cause for concern.

The OP does not know the child personally & has no way of gauging this, so being a bit unreasonable, I think.

I'd just like to add ... my parents and parents-in-law would (probably!!) LOVE to look after our kids while I was at work; but I'm a stay at home mum anyway (we bought our house in 1996, that's how). The trouble is, they all have health problems - though they are not particularly old - and my parents' house in particular is, errr, how can I put this: "How Clean Is Your House - tastic" because they've smoked in it for years and just can't keep on top of the housework(I'm trying to help them out with this a bit though.). So the upshot is, they CAN'T look after the sproglets- 'cos I'd be too worried about them(the oldies, not the sproglets!). So I do hope those of you out there who do have your parents or inlaws to regularly look after your sproglets appreciate how lucky you are.

Yes, I quite agree, any woman who has the temerity to work should spend every nanosecond of non-working time prostrating herself with guilt in front of her children.

Let's face it, many fathers work full time, barely bother themselves worrying about food and childcare, and do plenty of fun activities outside work. Does anybody wonder why they 'bother' having children? No, thought not.

Seriously, OP, what about her husband? Don't you want to judge him too?

Just because we can afford me not to return to work you think I shouldn't return full time?

I don't work because i need cash I work because I LOVE MY JOB and a happy mum = happy child

i think you are jealous op

I like what Dumbledoresgirl & pjmama said.

babiesblue your post sounds as if you are describing me i have to work for financial reasons and i can still barely make ends meet i would be impossible for me and DH to keep our house if i didnt work so i hardly get to spend time with my DD. i am TTC#2 because i want another and i want my DD to have a sibling to share her childhood with. it maked NO DIFFERENCE that i have to work full time. that doesnt turn off the yearn to reproduce and doesnt stop my DD asking when i will get her a baby brother (christmas is the latest suggestion)

YABVU and you should concentrate on your own children and stop being so judgemental. you dont know why she works. she may have financial problems that you are not aware of!

ah yes, once again its the mothers fault

I don't wonder why some women bother having children. I do wonder why some women bother having 'friends' though.

OP - do be careful getting off your cross, I'd hate for you to get a splinter in your smug backside.

I wish there was a [shows arse] emoction ( * )

sorry i have been away!catering and cardiothoracic emergencies to deal with.oh and i had to go on fb see what the man and weans look like.i give each of them an allocated 7min35seconds each i am most generous with my time.so nanny tells me

my friends and i all feverishly fb and crackberry each other.far too busy to meet you understand.

(!) - arse emoticon

or in my case

( ! )

Blooming hell - this is a flaming.

I suppose we all have different ideas of what 'family life' means.

I think the poster found it hard that the mum didn't seem to want to spend time with her DC's at the weekend, compared to how she felt.

I am intrigued why any mother doesn't enjoy spending some time with their DC's at weekends whether they work or not. I do.

But that said, I have some friends who were bored beyond belief by the baby/toddler bit but are having much more fun not their kids are older.

Also, if you are working full time or even part time it's hard to connect with that weird brainwashing communal thing that can happen - where mums all group up, in some NCT brainwashed sect like bonding - where you all robotically repeat the same set of expectations and rights and wrongs.

I was much happier with my second when I didn't get sucked into the baby massage/baby yoga/baby gym cults. I went back to work a lot sooner -

Maybe this woman and her kids will reap the benefits of all this hard work a few years down the line. I know I know, you never get those early years back - but you never get any stage of their life back. They will eventually go to school and if you have managed to keep your hand in a career - that can be a lovely thing. I'm lucky in that my work fits around the kids school hours - but I know I am very very lucky and rare in this.

It all flips around - we all get a chance to sit on the big chair of judgement - so in a way its fine to judge now, but be prepared to be judged later!

i enjoy the children enjoying seeing me on webcam at work.their wee faces as they shout Mumeeeeeeeeeee and then whisper to nanny who was that?

babiesblue - what about all the blokes hat work very hard in demanding jobs but hardly ever see their kids?

Just because she is a Mum does not mean she loves her kids any less than a Dad who is out at work all day.

My DW would love to go back to what she used to do. In fact she told me last night and it makes her feel very sad she cannot. She still loves our DSs to bits but being a mother does not define her and never has. She has a whole other side to her life that matters just as much.

i wonder too babiesblue honestly i wonder

is it so alien to think motherhood might not be all defining all subsuming state.being a mum doesnt wholly define me or complete me

being a mum and working makes me happy

that and my Louboutin's and mulberry bag.because all us working mums are so avaricious don't you know

There is nothing wrong in working full time.
There is nothing wrong in having a life outside of the family.
There is nothing wrong in grandparents looking after grandchildren.

However I can see where to op is coming from.

If this woman doesn't see her child before they wake up and before they go to bed evey morning and still palms them off on a weekend then yes I agree she is not what I would call mother of the year.
Flame me if you like. Tbh I am green with envy about the grandma doing the shopping. I bet she also has a cleaner-such a hard life. But her child will remember who was there for him/her and form a bond with that primary carer.

dont assume because parents work they are emotionally absent.both my parents worked ft.i remember who was there for me -mum and dad as an adult i am acutely aware of the hard work and graft they put in to maintain the family.they imbues me with a good work ethic and encouraged me to maintain career i worked hard for. first person in my family to go to uni career is a very big deal

Yes Scottish mummy I know BUT who was the first person you saw every morning? Mum, dad or another person ditto who put you to bed every night?
We are not just talking about working full time and going out on a weekend but every morning and night plus weekends too.

Like I said I am green with envy about the shopping. Do you think if I wish hard enough some kind person will arrives with bags full of goodies for me? No me neither-damn.

Am I too late for the popcorn?