to wonder why some women 'bother' to have children???

[babiesblue]

I know a woman who had her dc around the same time I had my 1st. Our mothers are friends.
Just recently Mum has told me about meeting up with her and her Mum at some social event.
This woman spent the entire meeting explaining to my Mum about how busy she is at work, and how little time she gets to spend with her dc. Dc goes to stay with grandparents on Sunday evenings so that they can do the nursery run on Monday mornings (so that she doesn't have to get dc ready as she's getting herself ready for work - grandparents bring the child to nursery every morning also and collect in evening). Apparently (at 2yo) dc has never slept through the night, and she's exhausted. Her husbands mother, once a week, delivers a week's worth of food to her house for the child to eat.
And, since I've now had my 2nd dc, she was asking how we all were, and saying that herself and her dh were thinking about having a 2nd baby.
My point is, although I think she's very lucky having all the help from her family, I just can't help feeling that she isn't actually looking after the child she has, let alone would be able to look after a 2nd!!!
Also (now maybe you think I'm being really mean???) she works full-time - fair enough - and isn't home before dc goes to bed most nights (relies on grandparents again), so doesn't really see dc that much during the week, but at the weekends she continues to make arrangements with friends to meet up and go to the ballet, the opera, the theatre (where she saw my Mum), out for lunch or dinner, and so therefore still doesn't see her dc.

AIBU to wonder why she's planning to have another child when she hardly sees the one she has???

We have no idea how often this woman (and her DH!! what about him?) socializes ffs. It may be that she goes out once in a while. Who knows? Certainly the OP can't know.

(The OP's description is a bit caricaturish tbh is what I'm saying).

op ticks all the avaricious working mum boxes. miranda priestly springs to mind for a usually applied stereotype

babiesblue, I know a few women like the one you described in your op

I honestly don't know why they have kids, they don't seem to want to spend any time with them, the grandparents seem to pick up all the slack

of course on MN you will get flamed for saying this, have only read your op so I'm sure you will have had plenty vitriol thrown at you by now

She doesnt seem to see alot of her child but I assume it works out well for them if they are considering another. If they were not happy with life with one child they would be insane to consider two no matter what the cirumstances!

This is just a case of someone living a different life, something which I have come to realise it is pointless to worry about. As a SAHM I can never fully understand women who work full time BUT women who work an probably never understand me!. I would just forget it and live your own life the way you think is best.

She may work because she needs the money, but is a high earner who has money left over, means she can afford theatre etc.

TBH, I am near tears now as my 2 darlings scream and fight (as they have been the entire day) as I desperatley try to clean the ignored spots of the house and catch up on the house work I haven't had time to consider this week. I work ft, didn't need to when I started, but hubby has lost money to tghe recession and we are trying to extend our house (3 yrs in) with no builders.

I wish I had the parents the lady discussed in the OP has. I choose kids, work and the house and am exhausted beyond reason. I can afford to go out and eat in nice places and buy pretty things. I am no less tired and love my kids just as much as you do OP. Life choice is a private thing and her reasons for doing what she does are not going to be the same as yours.

I think she may whinge to much though, I have to do my own shopping you know!!

Can't be bothered.

StillSquiffy I often ask myself why I bothered (seriously). If I had thought more carefully I probably would have chosen not to go to university. My husband and I have lived together since I was 17 and always known we would get married and have children and both of us have agreed since then that I would be a SAHM and yet it was assumed that I would go to uni get a degree etc - so I did!. In reality my degree is useless and I only did it because I could and people expected it from me!
I want to train as a nurse when my children are older so a history degree is not really very useful!

ssd if you disagree with something scottishmummy says why not say so properly?

Quoting things she has previously said and pretending to love her posts seems puerile

Unless I have somehow completely missed your point
I also look forward to your posts by the way

How much time is too little to spend with your dcs?

Working full time and leaving them in a nursery 8-6 5 days a week, then in gp care for Sundays, out every other Saturday night, away on business four times a week? Seems to me you could start a thread that the primary carer spends 12 waking hours a week with their dcs and some posts would talk about knitting tampons and every right of every parent to decide.

Personally I think it's complete bollocks. If you choose to have dcs surely part of the decision is who will bring them up, how you'll manage work commitments and what in your life will/should change. If at that time you can't compromise, at least one parent, then you have to think the time is not right to have children.

OP, the only people who 'shouldn't bother' having kids are those who neglect or abuse them.
Your friend's kid is cared for and loved by her extended family. WHat could be better? Different lifestyle to yours, but so what?

ssd - I did put dd3's name down for nursery when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Want to make something of it?

What is this about knitting tampons ? Am I being completely daft here in not having a clue what this is about?

i wish Tracey Connelly,karen mathews hadnt bothered.

other parents make individual decisions and choices that suit their family

ANBU I can see where you are coming from OP. I don't know anyone who in RL who is like this. Most prefer to spend every spare minute with their DC when they are not working, not galavanting off to the theatre

In days gone by some families would have had nannies, governesses and eventually boarding school (for boys), to look after their children. Mater and Pater were seen for an hour at the end of the day. I guess their reasons for having children were similar to ours. And as long as all the adults who were caring for them were kind and loving, I don't suppose it mattered much.

Not my cup of tea but I guess everone does things differently.

yes days gone by when sole male wage was sufficient,these days for many 2 wages are required for a mortgage etc

i wonder why its the woman who is coming in for alot of stick when the man had a little to do with having the baby also. oh how far we have come since 1950!!

Along the same lines as Orm, when my working class grannies were raising their kids, their Mums and the older siblings did most of the childcare. Everyone HAD to work to survive.
The golden age of the SAHM is a total MYTH for the most part.

other parents make individual decisions and choices that suit their family SM

Actually most parents make choices to suit themselves.

Oh that's just pure manure posie! What do you really think? That parents make choices that harm their children just because it's what they want? Please go think that one through a bit!

well of course we suit ourselves to an extent.given as a parents we are the adults,have adult cognitive functions and decision making.frankly im not going to give complete decision making to dc am i?

given they cant pay mortgage/broadband/food we as parents have final say

I am bored with this now- it's no longer a thread about a woman who appears to spend so little time with ehr child that another woman wonders at the sense in her having another..

it's now all about why women work, should they work, how some of the wealthy used to bring up their kids, and more.

can't you keep on-topic ladies and be a little less, well, emotional?

No I think most people crowbar in what is fine for everyone because it suits the mould they have chosen to squeeze their family in. I am a SAHM, I want to stay at home, it suits my DH and I.... have I seriously considered sending the DCs to nursery so I can get my previous career back on track? No, I don't want to go back to work just yet. My place is here and the dcs belong with me until they all plod off to school. If someone came along and thought my new business idea would make me millions but I would have to commit 40 hours a week then I might change my mind.

I don't think the two career driven adults that put their dcs in full time child care from 12 weeks to afford the massive house, the two brand new cars, the super holidays with kids clubs really think about their children when deciding their careers are too important to give up.