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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open a letter addressed to DP?

116 replies

GreatForest · 27/11/2009 10:00

DP is very "funny" about people opening his mail and has always made a point of saying he'd hate it if I did it

Anyway, this morning a letter arrived from the council, addressed to him but it concerns both of us.

The letter is as much for me as it is for him and it's very important to both of us. I text him to say the letter had arrived but it's just in his name, does he mind if I open it as it concerns us both and he replied saying "I'll open it when I get in from work".

He doesn't get home until 5pm and I want to know what it says!! I feel he's being a complete control freak and I have as much right to open it as he does.

AIBU to open it anyway whether he'll kick off or not?

OP posts:
LisaD1 · 27/11/2009 10:02

I think you would be unreasonable to open it after what your DP has said and when you know it will clearly upset him. I've never opened DH's post nor he mine and although I have nothing to hide I wouldn't be impressed if he did.

I would just wait.

bogie · 27/11/2009 10:02

I wouldn't open it tbh because you have already asked him and he said no.

If a letter comes for dp that I know includes me I will ring him and say this letter has come from so and so and he will always tell me to open it, but if for some reason he didn't I would leave it.

Plumm · 27/11/2009 10:05

We open each others post all the times (but that's just us).

As you've told him about the letter and he said you should leave it until he gets home then you should do so. If it's something important for both of you he might want to deal with it, with you in person rather than doing it over the phone when he's out (at work, I guess).

Although I agree it's frustrating for you if it's something you're desperate to know about.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 27/11/2009 10:07

Hmm, I think as he's specifically said he'll open it himself, you shouldn't.

However I open all of dh's mail, and he opens all mine. I would get quite annoyed if he told me not to open something which I knew concernded me too.

The only thing I wouldn't open is maybe a hand written envelope, but the only time these arrive are birthdays etc.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 27/11/2009 10:07

concerned.

Pineapplechunks · 27/11/2009 10:09

If I know what a letter has in it and it's addressed to DP and I want to see what it says then I will open it but my DP isn't funny about that sort of thing. I wouldn't mind if he opened my post if he needed to see what was in it either.

But seeing as your DP is funny about it and you've already asked and he's clearly said no, you can't open it then YABU to open the letter.

mayorquimby · 27/11/2009 10:42

yabu

tallulahbelly · 27/11/2009 11:40

YANBU.

We never open each other's post but in the situation you've described I'd do exactly the same as you and ask - fully expecting him to say yes.

I'd expect him to do exactly the same thing in my shoes and I'd say yes too.

I'd reason that it was a one-off that affected both of us.

Though we respect each other's privacy we don't mistrust each other or think that either of us is more or less capable.

themildmanneredjanitor · 27/11/2009 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cakeywakey · 27/11/2009 11:43

I think he's being a bit weird in not just saying 'yep, open it up' - but then I don't know the reason why he's funny about people opening up his post. But if he's asked you not to, and he has a thing about it, then YABU if you do.

meltedchocolate · 27/11/2009 11:45

Dont open it this time but have a word with him when he gets back about why.

I always open DHs mail. I think of him though and will leave something if i want him to see it first (like a letter from one of his sons that are not mine) but usually ouur mail concerns the family so anyone can open it.

TrillianAstra · 27/11/2009 11:49

I think he's being a bit weird too when you know what it is about. But he's said don't open it, it's not addresssed to you, so don't open it.

I'll open Tesco clubcard stuff addressed to DP but otherwise wouldn't open anything without asking (and receiving a 'yes' answer).

tallulahbelly · 27/11/2009 11:49

Sorry, didn't read your post properly.

I agree with melted.

Leave it but definitely have a word with him tonight.

Hope the letter has good news.

Sn0wflake · 27/11/2009 11:55

I don't open husbands mail.... unless its an amazon package that he told me I could open. However I do find your husbands hang up weird and it would disturb me. Talk to him about why.

claw3 · 27/11/2009 12:05

I have never opened dp's mail, it has never occurred to me, but i dont think he would mind if i did.

If it concerns both of you, why was it only addressed to him?

marantha · 27/11/2009 12:59

One of the joys of being married is that you have the same surname (usually) and can "pretend" to have not noticed that the initials were different!

CarryOnDancing · 27/11/2009 13:00

Maybe he just doesn't want to know whats in it incase its bad news and he then has to fret about it all day?
Me and DP both open any household post sent to either but not personal post which has just carried on since we first moved in together.

I'd like to respect his privacy but it would be too frustrating thinking about his complex all day that I would just open it and face the consequences later. You know its from the council already so how cross could he realistically get?

-Maybe more mischievous advice than required but more entertaining

MIFLAW · 27/11/2009 13:01

Of course you are being unreasonable.

ImSoNotTelling · 27/11/2009 13:04

Having asked and been told no, you can't.

However I cannot imagine why on earth he would possibly say no. That is odd and irritating.

I would be having serious words if i were you.

RealityMNTVStar · 27/11/2009 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FabIsVeryLucky · 27/11/2009 13:08

YABU

He does not want you to open it.

If you open it you have deliberately gone against what he wants.

Your choice but you will have to accept it if he is really pissed off with you.

KERALA1 · 27/11/2009 13:09

Agree with Imsonot and Reality. Why is he cagey about post? I open all the post in this house for which DH is grateful as I am SAHM and he is working crazy hours so does not want to be dealing with British Gas/council etc.

loobylu3 · 27/11/2009 13:11

Do you know what the letter is about? Otherwise, I can't understand why you are interested in opening it- letters from the council aren't likely to be exciting!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/11/2009 13:12

yabu as you asked and he said no

though he ibu as letter concerns you both

tbh i normally open dh mail as he never does till it is too late - ie his annual tax bill, didnt open then forgot and got fined £100

but he has always said for me to open it so i am not going against his wish's

next time dont ask

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 27/11/2009 13:20

I can't see why any man would be funny about their DP opening their mail??

I have terrible OCD tendencies about anyone touching my stuff and I don't mind Mr Witch opening my post lol

I open all the post cuz I'm nosy and Mr Witch can't be arsed, if its anything important like a bill, I leave a note or sort it out online for him, if poss

open I say - what's the worst that will happen? He'll kick off for a bit then get over himself... it's not like he can stop you from reading the post in the future is it

... not helpful at all am I?