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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open a letter addressed to DP?

116 replies

GreatForest · 27/11/2009 10:00

DP is very "funny" about people opening his mail and has always made a point of saying he'd hate it if I did it

Anyway, this morning a letter arrived from the council, addressed to him but it concerns both of us.

The letter is as much for me as it is for him and it's very important to both of us. I text him to say the letter had arrived but it's just in his name, does he mind if I open it as it concerns us both and he replied saying "I'll open it when I get in from work".

He doesn't get home until 5pm and I want to know what it says!! I feel he's being a complete control freak and I have as much right to open it as he does.

AIBU to open it anyway whether he'll kick off or not?

OP posts:
marantha · 28/11/2009 09:21

I realise that OP probably knows by now what is in the letter but having given the matter more thought, I stand by my opinion that it is wrong to open someone else's mail without their consent. However, sometimes needs must and there may be times when it is essential to know the contents of someone else's mail: I therefore ask the poster who suggested steaming the letter open to return and explain how this is done without it being obvious that the letter's been opened.

Seona1973 · 28/11/2009 09:43

I open the junk mail, the clubcard statements, etc that are addressed for dh but wouldnt open personal mail e.g. credit card statements

tallulahbelly · 28/11/2009 10:05

So we still don't know what's in the letter then?

DanDruff · 28/11/2009 10:06

ffs

Fibilou · 28/11/2009 22:03

Hmm, difficult. While I think you have to respect his wishes as you know it will annoy him, I do wonder why he is funny about him opening mail. Certainly the only time I have ever got knocky about my mail was the time I was trying to pull the wool over DH's eyes that there was £250 more in a savings account than there actually was and I didn't want him to find out I'd been frittering the money away.

So I would be very suspicious as to why he is so protective over it, especially if it affects both of you.

Fibilou · 28/11/2009 22:07

"Jamie...,
How can the OP possibly know what the envelope contains? She just THINKS she knows what is in it."

Bollocks ! If a letter came from our local council I know exactly what it would relate to - our parking permit or the council tax. I think it's fairly reasonable of the OP to assume that a letter from the local coucil relates to their household,

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/11/2009 22:43

WHAT IS IN THE BLARDY LETTER ???

busybutterfly · 28/11/2009 22:54

"WHAT IS IN THE BLARDY LETTER ???"

please tell us!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 30/11/2009 22:54

?

lilacclaire · 30/11/2009 23:27

If anything interesting came in dp would definetly give permission to open it, he's so nosey he wouldn't be able to wait untl he got home!
I think in this case its strange that with its regards to the house etc that he's being funny about it.

fernie3 · 30/11/2009 23:29

I pretty much always open my husbands mail. He has been suffering from depression and so I prefer to vet letters first i.e if it is a problem that needs dealing with I deal with it so he doesnt have to worry. His mail is alwasy incredibly boring. If he told me to stop I would. If he said dont open it then of course you cant although if it concerns both of you for whatever reason it seems odd he would refuse.

nappyaddict · 01/12/2009 01:20

So those that never open each other's mail, in a scenario like this where you know the letter concerns you both you really wouldn't ask if you could open it?

seeker · 01/12/2009 04:33

I remember coming rushing home to open the letter about dd's secondary school allocation - and discovering that it was addressed just to dp, because although we filled in the form together for some reason he signed and I didn't!

Had to wait til he got home because I couldn't get him on the phone to ask if I could open it. He was amazed that I hadn't, and thought I was bonkers, - but I just couldn't bring myself to open a letter for someone else, even under those circumstances!

AnyFucker · 01/12/2009 08:26

any official letter relating to the running of our joint home, either of us would open, no matter who it is addressed to

most of the time, I can't be arsed and just leave any addressed to him for later

some days, I open it all, especially if I think it may be important

joint home, joint bills, tis not my fault that some sections of society remain archaic and address stuff to the male of the house

MarthaFarquhar · 01/12/2009 08:39

I open DH's mail if it is obvious where it has come from, and it's a joint issue. DH is a fiasco at dealing with correspondence, so he is happy with this arrangement.

If I'm not sure I leave well alone though.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 01/12/2009 18:31

Are you there OP ?

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