to think that my friend should accommodate my children at her wedding?

[annoyingdevil]

My oldest, dearest friend is getting married in Janurary and has asked me to be bridesmaid. To begin with, children were welcome at the wedding so everything was hunkydory. Told DP and we were planning to make a weekend of it.

2 weeks later she suddenly sends an email saying children are not welcome at the wedding (due to numbers)

A week later DP is made redundant, and understandably, we have more important things to worry about (like paying the mortgage!), so I put the wedding to the back of my mind - assuming that things would sort themselves out.

Met up with this friend on Friday and things get rather heated. She expects me to be at the venue at 10am in the morning (in the middle of nowhere - 2 hours drive from where I live). Assumes that I will find a babysitter for almost 48 hours (even though I have no family nearby and am not close to my mum). and that if I can't find a babysitter, DP will just happily remain at home with the DCs - aged 3 and 4 (and just accept that he has been uninvited from her wedding?)

AIBU to be really pissed off and to consider withdrawing my bridesmaid services?

irritated, actually I think I was pointing that out to people who had said that bridesmaids should not have their DC there as their "job" is to look after the bride. I don't see why the partner can't look after them either; probably not clear from my post.
However, that does not make my point ridiculous just because it didn't pertain to your situation.
In THIS particular case, I think the bride IS being unfair to the OP's family.

Some people would probably like the chance to get away for the day for an event like this - I would hate to go to a wedding without DH, although I could leave DS with his grandma if I had to.

Fair enough thumbwitch. My post got a bit distorted too above.

naw Irritated, I just meant the slightly spiky phraseology - it's what I love about MN

You are right Greensleeves, the phraseology I used is as unwelcoming as a pineapple up the backside. Sorry about that lapse. Please see my 'Child of our time personality test result' thread so you can see I am both neurotic and disagreeable. I think it was spookily accurate!!!

What exactly does a bridesmaid do at a wedding? I didn't have any at mine and nothing terrible happened .

Has that killed it? Was a genuine question ...

lol bibbity

I was bridesmaid for my brother's wedding and my dh would have gladly stayed home with dcs rather than attend! He missed all the speeches as by then dcs had had enough of sitting at table and being quiet, he didn't get a chance to properly chat to anyone as he was running about after the kids and I couldn't help as I was being dragged here and there for photos then when the party really got going in the evening, dh had to drive home to get boys to bed! Wahoo, what fun . Not quite sure why OP's dp kicking up a stink about not going tbh, he'd have much more fun at home!

OP - PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION:

WHY did your DP say he would be "hurt" if you went without him?

Sorry for shouting but this question has been asked a few dozen times without being answered.

bbh, I think a bridesmaid is supposed to act as a kind of Project Manager.

Eg, ensuring the bride:
is dressed, calm and ready on time
eats
doesn't drink too much too soon
speaks to all the guests (keeps note)
is available and prepared for photographs

I imagine if you go to one of the wedding sites, you'll find a list a page long

My friend is getting married next year and he has not sent invites out yet, but he has emailed agroup of his old school friends (of which I am one) to say that he's really sorry but they are struggling with numbers but he really wants us to be there so would we mind if he just invited us without our partners? (children didn't even get mentioned!)

We did raise our eyebrows slightly, but acknowledgde that organising weddings is a nightmare and this is akward for him and so replied, 'that would be find and we understood'.

My Dh's resposnes was 'oh right, that's a bit weird isn't it?' but never thougt to tell me I couldn't go, or never thouht he wouldn't want me to go.

Can't see where OP's Dh is coming from to be honest.

I socialise with and without my DH all the time, and with and without my children, as does DH.

with the timeframe as given in later posts, it does seem as if the OP could have thought of this a bit earlier

I said it was rude to uninvite- but that was before I realised that the OP seemed to go along with this quite happily until she found it difficult to find a childminder- so suddenly it seems to be about her dh's feelings (why is he important on this particular occasion?) and on some perceived inability of his to look after his own children for a couple of days (why?).

Child friendly weddings can be lovely affairs, certainly- but surely giving your friend happy memories of her big day should be more important than what you happen to think of her decision.

Oooh, Babs, do I know him?

One/two/ten/twenty/fifty years down the line, this day will remain one of the most important of the bride's life. To the OP, it will quickly blend into many other days and will probably be forgotten altogether in the end.

Therefore, OP should phone the bride up asap, apologise, and start behaving like a true friend.

You may do Greeny, you'd probably know some of the others in the group whose other halves have not been invited anyway!

(he's also an ex boyfrind of mine, first love declared on by the river Dove)