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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my smug ex-friend will be eating her words in a couple of years time?

110 replies

Emprexia · 15/11/2009 21:38

I sent an email to an old friend who's just had her first child asking for a meet up and saying i was looking forward to getting some 'me' time instead of being stuck in with my 2 DC's all the while.. having conversation that didnt involve Iggle Piggle and the Wattingers!

The email she sent me back basically said that she felt complete as a parent and didnt understand the idea of needing to have 'me' time as she was loving being a mom.

AIBU to think that when she's where i am in a couple of years time.. 2DC's, little social-life and 3years of nappies and dribble that she'll probably be begging to be her for a while instead of mum?

Is the concept of not wanting to just be MUM but to be UnexpectedWasabi for a while so alien?

OP posts:
Jojay · 15/11/2009 21:40

She has NO IDEA.

Just watch and wait...........

Meglet · 15/11/2009 21:42

yanbu, but she'll probably realise this in time. Being a parent hasn't made me complete and I count the days until I can get to the gym / read the papers in peace.

SoupDragon · 15/11/2009 21:43

Don't be mean. Maybe she is simply a better mother than you.

And me, because you can file me under the "screaming to get out" heading too

TheCrackFox · 15/11/2009 21:43

This time next year she will be begging for a night out. I blame the hormones but they wear off eventually.

wreckofhesperus · 15/11/2009 21:45

Hilarious. "Complete as a parent"? Just so funny. I doubt it'll take a couple of years. I'd give it less than one before she realises what an arse she's been. Bet she'll be competitive mummy too - groan.

I think the hardest thing when you're a parent is to hang onto who you actually are outside of being mummy. So, no, not alien - perfectly reasonable, normal and healthy.

Bleatblurt · 15/11/2009 21:45

Oh dear. She's going to be so embarassed when she remembers this in a couple of years. Or even months, when she's desperate for some normal conversation.

poppy34 · 15/11/2009 21:45

keep the email and copy it for when she is eating her words

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 15/11/2009 21:45

And she's your ex friend because of this?

Gosh. Tbh, I htink she's deluded as well, but hey, good luck to her while it lasts.

puffling · 15/11/2009 21:48

Her reply was a bit strange. Why didn't she just take what you'd written as a bit of small talk, whether she agreed with the sentiment or not? She does sound intense and smug and you're probably better off without her.

TeamEdward · 15/11/2009 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 15/11/2009 21:50

YANBU to think she will change her mind in a couple of years time.
YABVVU to make her your ex-friend because of it.
And you sound pretty smug yourself.

Original poster
Emprexia · 15/11/2009 21:50

Mary.. she's my ex-friend because she told me we were obviously in very different places and if i was looking for 'me' time i wasnt going to rediscover it with her so she wasnt interested and not to bother her again

This is why i called her smug. In 2 years time when my DC's are in school/nursery full time and i have some life to go be a lady who lunches on my days off and she is where i am.. i hope someone gives her the elbow in a similar fashion.

OP posts:
bigchris · 15/11/2009 21:54

yanbu

she sounds a twat

who on earth would reply in such a rude way

Tryharder · 15/11/2009 21:54

Did she decline your meet up? If so, she is BU and YANBU. However, if she accepted but then made the point about her life being complete then YABU to call her an ex friend and smug.

I mean, you can't really expect her to join in moaning about her kids when she's just had her PFB!!!!

ChickandDuck · 15/11/2009 21:55

Good for your friend. I have two DC's 3 and 9 mo and I love it, enough 'me time' in the evening.

Adair · 15/11/2009 21:56

Aw, don't make her your ex-friend because of this!

Yes, of course she is talking out of that new parent haziness. Laugh it off and be there when she DOES want to meet up. I didn't need any 'me-time' when dd was born either. Dh couldn't understand it, but I liked being in a whirl of baby. And didn't want to leave her either. Felt the same way with ds though I forced myself to get out and away. Now I crave 5 minutes of headspace of course

Why not email back and say let's meet up for coffee WITH her baby? And make light of it, saying you feel your dc are older and can cope without you for a bit! The 'intensity' may have been because she is a bit sleep-deprived (does a lot for your sense of humour and reality radar ).

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 15/11/2009 21:57

Blimey talk about AIBU by stealth. That takes the .

Adair · 15/11/2009 21:57

X-post!

Ah, well. Her loss.

Original poster
Emprexia · 15/11/2009 21:58

Really chick? mine are 3 and 8mo and all my evenings involve is sitting on the sofa staring at my DH falling asleep when he's on early shifts, or being the soul carer of my kids when he's not.

"Me" time to me is spending time having actual conversation with another adult somewhere that isnt my house, even if i have the kids with me in the pushchair.

OP posts:
mummygirl · 15/11/2009 21:59

clueless cow. It's very different caring for newborns and toddlers. You just throw your newborn in a sling and get "me" time without realising, all the while you think you're a great mum.

Not so easy when they're mobile and vocal and demanding and stubborn and bored and curious and hurt and exited...should I carry on? I wouldn't make her an ex-friend, please keep in touch a little bit so that you can watch her getting more and more satisfaction out of motherhood as her child grows and is possibly joined by siblings. Have a bag of pop-corn on hand

Original poster
Emprexia · 15/11/2009 21:59

Lady.. why she was my ex-friend wasnt really relevant to my AIBU.. so not a stealth one.

OP posts:
Habbibu · 15/11/2009 22:04

Well, as a parent of a 3yo and a newborn, I'm re-experiencing that madly-in-love feeling again (while shouting "No. I'm NOT going to sit in the hall while you go for a wee" through gritted teeth). So bit of a bonkers email, maybe, but in principle I recognise and feel affection for the sentiment.

LastTrainToNowhere · 15/11/2009 22:14

I well remember that new-mum haze that makes the rest of the world non-existent and unimportant. It does wear off though. I know I didn't need any me-time when my PFB was born - dh had to shove me out of the house screaming and crying to simply go to my neighbour's house! Fast forward 3 years and I'd do anything for me-time

I hope I was never as rude as your friend though - that tone was completely unnecessary and unreasonable.

UndomesticHousewife · 15/11/2009 22:15

Becoming a mother was the best thing ever, and I do kind of understand the 'completes me' thing as my dc's are my life.
But they drive me up the wall with their constant whinging and whining and fighting and screaming and doing puzzles and reading the hungry caterpillar is mind numbingly boring so as soon as I can hot foot it out the door for some 'me' time I am gone like a rocket.

She will learn - and she'll eat her words.

Stigaloid · 15/11/2009 22:17

What a silly mare she is!

Can you book a baby sitter and get a night out - i leave DS with DH on occasion and head to cinema on my own. I do sometimes feel like a bit of a saddo laughing at comedies on my own but the few hours away from it all immersed in escapism is a real treat. That and the mixed box of popcorn - yum!

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