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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP 'told' me and DCs to leave the house for the weekend

269 replies

iwouldgoouttonight · 09/11/2009 09:54

I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and uptight or whether DP is being unreasonable. A couple of months ago he got chatting to three of his friends who live all over the country to arrange to meet up for a 'lads weekend'. Which is fine because with one thing and another they don't get to see each other very often. But then a few weeks ago DP said he'd asked his friends to come to our house for the weekend. I asked where they were all going to sleep and he said in the DCs rooms. So I asked where the DCs were going to sleep and he said, oh yes, I was hoping you could go away for the weekend and take the kids.

I thought this was a bit cheeky and at first thought he was joking, especially as DD is only 9 months and he knows I'm knackered from getting up in the night, etc. So he started to sulk and said he'll tell them not to come then. So I then obviously felt bad and so I found a friend who had enough room to put me and the DCs up for two nights but it does mean driving a long way on my own with them.

Anyway, I'd forgotten about it for a while but its happening this coming weekend and now I keep getting really annoyed when I think about it. The last time he met up with these friends they all went to a strip club and had a private dance. I've asked him if they're planning on doing this again and he's said no, but he's unlikely to say yes as he knows I was upset about it last time.

Also I know when I get back after the weekend I'm going to have loads of sheets to change and washing to do. He said he'll clean up after them, but I know his standards are slightly different to mine!

I've been feeling really run down and a bit down recently so I can't work out whether I'm getting worked up about it unreasonably just because I'm tired, or whether DP is taking the p*ss a bit. What do you think?

OP posts:
Knickers0nMaHead · 09/11/2009 09:58

Yanbu. He is taking the piss out of you. Tell him you are not going anywhere and his friends can get a hotel!

Firawla · 09/11/2009 09:59

no yanbu!!!! i think your dh is asking too much, if he needs to have a weekend with his friends can he not be the one to go away, and leave you and dcs in the house?!
i think it is quite wrong of him to ask that, especially as you are clearly not that keen

AnyFucker · 09/11/2009 10:01

wellllll, I wouldn't have agreed to this in the first place

so you are being a teensy bit U to renege on your agreement when it is now looming

ErikaMaye · 09/11/2009 10:02

YANBU, but your DP is! He's totally taking the piss!! If he really wants to see his friends that badly, tell him to go book into a hotel to see them. Also, I'd be really quite edgey and pissy about the strip club thing as well. He's totally taking the mick.

Rindercella · 09/11/2009 10:02

What a cheeky fucker!

He asked you to leave your house for the weekend with your DC, including a baby, so that he can have a lads' weekend there?! Sorry, I am so shocked that any reasonable, responsible man would do this.

He can make alternative arrangements and he and his friends can stay in a hotel. Do not go anywhere.

What a fucking nerve.

RealityBites · 09/11/2009 10:03

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RealityBites · 09/11/2009 10:03

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IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 09/11/2009 10:04

why can't they stay in a hotel? surely there's a cheap B&B nearby?

I think you're mad to agree to this in the first place, perhaps find somewhere nearby that they can stay for not much money?

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 09/11/2009 10:04

Your Dh sounds like a wanker unless of course he had shelled out for you and DC to go and stay at a nice nearby hotel with lots of activities for the DC etc. However you did agree to it but that sounds like it was AFTER your DH had already invited his friends to stay so weighing up both sides I think he is being a little more unreasonable than you.

posieparker · 09/11/2009 10:04

Is he a teenager? Only I can't imagine a grown up actually being so selfish.

PeachyInCarnivalFeathers · 09/11/2009 10:07

Yep, taking the piss,and it sounds as if he only got initial agreement by sulking /emtional blackmail anyway

Pop a post it in the hotel page of the yellow pages and gift wrap it for him.

LisaD1 · 09/11/2009 10:07

There is NO WAY on this earth my DH would even ask for this let alone get away with me saying yes!! I can't believe your DP is happy to see his 9 month old child turfed out of their room for him to have a lads weekend, let alone do it to you and other DC.

I would be telling not so D P to piss off and stay soemwhere else for the weekend, and more permanently too if he seriously thinks hhis attitude is ok!

diddl · 09/11/2009 10:08

He is a completely selfish twät,imo!

That said,I might go on condition that I stayed where I wanted & the place was clean when I got back-even if he had to pay someone to do it.

diddl · 09/11/2009 10:09

YABU to give in because he sulked, though.

MaMight · 09/11/2009 10:09

How extraordinary that anyone could think this was okay behaviour.

My dh used to have boozy lads weekends. Now he is married and has children he still does (once in a blue moon) but if the lads come and stay they are polite and kip on the floor and are terribly grateful if I offer them a cooked breakfast. They bugger off to the pub and usually end up in a cheesy club but they are grown men and decent human beings and remember not to wake the children when they come stumbling in. The one time one of them was sick I didn't even know about it until they told me a year later, they'd done such a good job of cleaning up.

morningpaper · 09/11/2009 10:10

You are mad to have agreed to this

Jeminthecellar · 09/11/2009 10:12

It sounds like he has manipulated you, too, in that he sulked so you would feel you were being unreasonable.

It sounds incredibly selfish of him, tbh.

iwouldgoouttonight · 09/11/2009 10:12

Wow, what a lot of replies! I actually thought people would me telling me to get a grip and its only a weekend and I should make the most of going away to stay with a friend. The reason they want to stay at our house rather than a hotel is that they like playing computer games [sad bastards emoticon] and they couldn't do that in a hotel room. And our house is about in the middle so easiest for them all to get to. They have stayed with another friend before and his wife went away for the weekend but she didn't have any DCs then.

Now it seems general consensus is that he's being unreasonable I want him to realise that, but I obviously can't go back now I've agreed to it. If I told him this late that I'm not leaving he'd be very annoyed and the weekend would be rubbish anyway. I just want him to know what I'm doing him a big favour and if I have any extra housework to do, or if I find out they've been to a strip club I WILL NOT be happy!

OP posts:
diddl · 09/11/2009 10:16

Well, it might not seem to be so bad if he realised you are doing a huge favour, that it is inconvenient to you & not & jolly, and that the house absolutely must be spick & span on your return!

ErikaMaye · 09/11/2009 10:17

When you say computer games, do you mean actually on a PC or on an XBox / PS3 / etc? Becuase if its one of trhe latter they can take it with them to the hotel and plug it into the TV there!!

borderslass · 09/11/2009 10:17

If the house isn't spotless when you return get a cleaner and give him the bill.

AnyFucker · 09/11/2009 10:17

ask him straight if a strip club is on the agenda

don't be so passive, love

being passive has got you into this situation in the 1st place, where you find yourself and dc being turfed out of your home so the boys men can have their selfindulgent boys weekend

if it would really upset you, it is silly to "wait and see if you find out"

RealityBites · 09/11/2009 10:18

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MrsBadger · 09/11/2009 10:18

yanbu - like MP I can't believe you agreed.

However, I can to some extent see his point and I have in the past taken dd for a weekend at my parents' while DH has had the boys round, esp when they want to do things that are not dd-compatible eg fireworks, building work.

BUT this is always arranged well in advance to the mutual satisfaction of both parties, so it ends up being a treat for everyone, NOT foisted by one on the other at the last minute with added guilt trips.

gagamama · 09/11/2009 10:19

They're going to sleep in the DCs rooms?! No way would I let grown, probably totally bladdered (and horny if they've been to a lapdancing club), sleep in my DCs bedrooms! I don't want to be washing puke (or worse) out of their teddies.

That's before we even get onto the fact that he's asked you to vacate your home and look after the DCs by yourself (and go and do what, exactly?!) to afford him this pleasure.

You are insane to have agreed to this! I wouldn't even be looking for hotels for them, I'd be looking for campsites! Or just get a cheap tent from Argos, and when they show up exclaim "oh sorry, did I say they were sleeping in the DCs bedrooms? I mean GARDEN, silly me!"