DP 'told' me and DCs to leave the house for the weekend

[iwouldgoouttonight]

I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and uptight or whether DP is being unreasonable. A couple of months ago he got chatting to three of his friends who live all over the country to arrange to meet up for a 'lads weekend'. Which is fine because with one thing and another they don't get to see each other very often. But then a few weeks ago DP said he'd asked his friends to come to our house for the weekend. I asked where they were all going to sleep and he said in the DCs rooms. So I asked where the DCs were going to sleep and he said, oh yes, I was hoping you could go away for the weekend and take the kids.

I thought this was a bit cheeky and at first thought he was joking, especially as DD is only 9 months and he knows I'm knackered from getting up in the night, etc. So he started to sulk and said he'll tell them not to come then. So I then obviously felt bad and so I found a friend who had enough room to put me and the DCs up for two nights but it does mean driving a long way on my own with them.

Anyway, I'd forgotten about it for a while but its happening this coming weekend and now I keep getting really annoyed when I think about it. The last time he met up with these friends they all went to a strip club and had a private dance. I've asked him if they're planning on doing this again and he's said no, but he's unlikely to say yes as he knows I was upset about it last time.

Also I know when I get back after the weekend I'm going to have loads of sheets to change and washing to do. He said he'll clean up after them, but I know his standards are slightly different to mine!

I've been feeling really run down and a bit down recently so I can't work out whether I'm getting worked up about it unreasonably just because I'm tired, or whether DP is taking the p*ss a bit. What do you think?

Sarcasm doesnt come across well in type does it Piglet

I know Claw it certainly does not lol You cant see peoples faces and read expressions

My husband does think he is so great that I would never cheat on him - and he's right, he knows that whatever the circumstances, drunk or sober, it would just not happen, and vice-versa.

How can you have no contempt for men when you think that they are ALL capable of infidelity and need to be closely controlled?

Some men are liars and cheats, but then so are some women, to suggest everyone would be unfaithful given the opportunity is ridiculous.

Blimey, who cares what Marantha thinks? He/she/it is clearly batshit and/or on a wind up mission.

Malificence, just because I realise that men -like women- are only human and are capable of succumbing to temptation does not mean I have contempt for them.
Throughout this thread, I have talked about men -who through alcohol, excitement, and peer pressure may succumb to the sexual advances of a woman in a similar position.
In my book, that is VERY, VERY different to a predatory male who actively and consciously and soberly goes out and has affairs.
Can no-one else here see the difference between a drunken mistake and a planned, considered affair?
The two are very different.
But, ladies, you have proved my point here: generally speaking, men are not half as smug and are 100% less bitchy (as "Janos" here has clearly presented).

claw3, I am not suggesting that men or women are kept on a tight leash- just for women to be aware that, you know, people are only human and a person who when totally sober would never dream of cheating may have their resistance lowered to feminine advances owing to alcohol consumption but, no, received wisdom has no place here as mumsnetters' men are obviously superhuman and alcohol has zero affect on them.
This is indeed a miracle and I am overwhelmed by it- I think the Dept. of Health should be contacted immediately: mumsnet has discovered people who are absolutely immune to the effects of alcohol!!

Marantha - I think everyone is aware that anyone could cheat.

So are you suggesting that women shouldnt allow their men to drink or just not drink if they are not there, just in case they do?

thesecondcoming,
Sorry, what part of the phrase "alcohol lowers people's inhibitions" do you not understand?
What part of the sentence "A person who may not dream of cheating while stone-cold sober may have resistance lowered by alcohol" does not make any sense?
Why cannot you just accept that alcohol is a drug that may make the most upright, honest person do things that they wouldn't normally do?
I am not saying that a drunk person WILL cheat, but cannot you just accept that alcohol DOES make people behave differently from when they are stone-cold sober?
Why are you asking if I am married? You claim not to have any faith in the instution and all the nasty "co-dependency" implied in it -being a "wife" is apparently an unsavoury thing to be.
claw3, I am not suggesting that women (or men for that matter) have to keep an eye on their partners while they are drinking, but what is wrong with accepting that alcohol is a drug that can sometimes adversely affect people's behaviour?

Marantha - Yes i would agree that booze lowers people inhibitions. Sober i wouldnt dream of getting up on the table and dancing, after a few vodkas, i might! but i wouldnt cheat.

So knowing that some people might cheat after a few drinks, what can you do about it?

if you say so marantha

Has it not occurred to anyone that this could be a troll, a la Extended/loneparent? The pompous tone is very similar, hijacking someone else's thread, making 'contentious posts with their own agenda in order to get attention for themselves, put peoples backs up etc.

claw3, Absolutely nothing is the answer. Given the knowledge that alcohol is such a potent drug that DOES lower inhibitions, you've got to hope it won't happen. Either that or not let them out of your sight.

Like I said earlier, there is a huge difference between a person having a drunken bout of sex with a person other than their spouse while drunk and actually coldly and methodically conducting a long-term affair that could result in their partner and child being made homeless owing to them falling in love with the person they're having the affair with.

I think the latter is much, much more serious than the former.

Couldnt one night of drunken sex result in their partner and child being made homeless too? ie partner leaving if she/he found out

Pompous, moi? I am not the one here who considers themselves so absolutely omnipotent that my "love" for my other half will make him/her miraculously immune to the effects of alcohol.

It could, but, in these circumstances, I would hope- given that a child was involved-the cheated partner would ask themselves if forgiveness may be the order of the day.
If the man is in all other respects a decent husband and father, couldn't the possibility of forgiving a mistake be considered?

It is, after all, a hell of a wrench to separate a child from its father.
Is mummy's bruised feelings enough to separate a man from his child?

Same could be said of a long term affair.

Couldnt the possibility of forgiving a mistake be considered?

Is mummy's bruised feelings enough to separate a man from his child?

We are getting side tracked here anyhow.

Yes booze could make someone cheat, but there is nothing you can do to stop it happening, other than not 'allowing' your partner to drink, so its really not worth worrying about.

Do you know, i don't believe that drinking too much DOES mean that someone who would not cheat normally becomes significantly more likely to cheat. IME, drinking lowers inhibitions and tends to make people do things that are part of their personality but that they'd normally supress. So a man who is predisposed to cheat, yes, is more likely to "accidentally" cheat while drinking too much, but a man who's not much of a cheater anyway, probably wouldn't. My DH is not a big drinker, but if he got very drunk, what he's likely to do is a) decide to start smoking (cigarettes or other) which he normally doesn't do much b) go to extremes of emotion - happiness or sadness or even anger. In my case, if I get very very drunk, I'm likely to say things I would never normally say (either spilling secrets I'm supposed to keep to myself, or tell people what I really think when I really shouldn't do it). I'm also likely to do slightly silly physical things - flash inappropriate parts of my body or something similar.

But neither of us is predisposed to cheating, so I dont think either of us are that likely to cheat when we're drunk.

I'll also add that at the age of 30+, as a mature adult who knows our own limits, both of us are likely to avoid getting to the level of drunkeness where the things I mentioned above will happen. I will go out with my friends and sometimes get drunker than I'd like, but the truth is that I haven't got to that level of crazy behaviour in years and neither has DH.

Booze, unless a person has some kind of problem with alchohol or drinks on medication/whatever, surely DOESN'T make a person be unfaithful if that isn't in their personality to start with?
If they would act in such a manner because they've had a drink, it's there in the background anyway.
A man who has had so much to drink that he really doesn't know what he's doing would surely be incapable of sex in any case?

Just as some people are happy to drive when they've had a lot to drink, most people , even if they've had their inhibitions considerably lowered via drink, would never even condsider doing something so stupid and reckless.

TBH, I would be less forgiving of a drunken dalliance, because it would show just how weak and pathetic that person is.

Exactly Nalificence, booze doesnt make someone cheat, its just an excuse.