To think that it's just freaking WEIRD to express gratitude to a father for being at his dc's birth?

[megapixels]

A mum I know said she got her partner a gift and card to say thank you for being at their child's birth. Is it just me that thinks this is really odd? She said she is grateful that he wanted to be there, because many men don't bother . They are together by the way, he is not an ex.

Isn't it a sad world when men are expected to be useless dickheads and they get cards and gifts for being normal? Wouldn't any father want to be around when his child make their arrival, to want to be one of the first to see them, even if it's just to sit outside the ward (if they're squeamish or something). Whatever next, a father getting thank you tokens for attending school shows or parents consultations? For spending time doing family activities?

AIBU?

but is it a man's job - it didn't used to be did it? And certainly isn't in many parts of the world now - generally speaking in most cultures the man isn't present at the birth.

ImSoNotTelling I didn't answer to the 'extraction' part. DS was born 7 years ago now, and I am so over all the elective cs put downs etc, I can't be doing with it anymore.

Poo: I cvan send you a link to the paper if you want? I never said I agreed with it, just that even a man is now saying other men shouldn't be there lol @ your comment on cohones
Lola: I know what it is like to have traumatic and stressful pregnancies, my second was the worst, closely followed by my fourth. I guess I just figured you would have enjoyed having him there to support you

As for a gift, I just asked hubby if he thought he should have had a gift and he laughed at me

lola. I just find it amazing how people can be so casually dismissive of other people's experinences, feelings, personalities etc.

FWIW I would have been perfectly happy not to have my DH there for both children - he spends his time looking petrified and as if he's about to pass out. Which really isn't much help, and is distracting.

DH has certainly not got any thanks from me from being there iykwim?
I have never actually said 'thanks for coming' to him afterwards. Twas not a wedding or a party - was the birth of each of his children.
Think it was the least he could do to be honest.

DS1 and 2 were waterbirths so he watched them be born - I wanted him to anyway - as I obviously couldn't see.

DS3 I was up on a bed on all fours and I certainly didn't want him to see that - neither did he. I asked him to look and see if he could see anything to spur me on but he said 'I would prefer not sweet' with a scared look on his face so I had a feel instead! He stayed my end - he is squeamish.

I just asked him actually and he called me a selfish bitch for not giving him a gift afterwards.
He said he wanted to be there and even though is squeamish would not have missed it for the world - he wouldn't expect any thanks - afterall he got me into the predicament in the first place.

I'msonottelling: I wasn't being harsh at all, having had one emergency section, and an elective section, I know exactly what is required for the process, and having had to fight very hard to two normal deliveries, I can see what both sides have to go through.
It IS however, an extraction...they just wont say that to your face hun.Imagine how appalled I was when I overheard them telling each other that my second child was a "difficult extraction"
I meant no offense at all, and am sorry if I caused any.

Well, I´m sure there are men who really can´t cope.

But then for those who can,I don´t see why it should be seen as extraordinary-that I think is demeaning.

Would you descibe giving birth naturally as an "expulsion" hun?

Concentrated much more this time than on the other two - which imo ended in a much more successful delivery.

DH was offered with each birth to "come see" when the head was doing that in/out thing before it comes out properly, and also to feel when you can feel it... he backed away each time . He also politely declined slightly offended looking midwives for cutting the cord.

I can see how watching a birth could be emasculating for a man, after all they can't grow new people, can they? I am less likely to put up with people's bullshit these days, after all I can just make my own people now.

Luckily DH is quite assured of his masculinity and was just feckin' impressed. Which seems to me to be the correct response.

Having had two vaginal births, I would crtainly describe the second as an 'expulsion'. The waters 'popped' and out she shot!

..hope dp wasn't reading Viz

• actually is was a Tractor & Machinery magazine

he still has a folder with the T&M issue from each of our DC's birth - don't know whether I should laugh or cry!

He is a bit of a PFB - I was the hussy who led him away from home (albeit less than a minutes walk away from it )

Agreed wahwah, with a labour of exactly 39 minutes, I don't see how it can be described as anything but!

Bloody hell, that is impressive! DD was over 8 hours, but 2nd stage was flipping quick.

DS2 was expelled - he put up a fight about it so was dragged out with ventouse, DS1 wasn't much better, he didn't want to leave peacefull either so was yanked out the sunroof.

DS3 was much more co-operative and left without too much fuss when told it was time to go

I think turing men into supportive 'partner' types, running around buying Tampax, helping women with breathing and perineal massage and bonding with babies (whilst usually wearing ridiculous slings) is very emasculating in same way that fllece wearing Mondeo driving and Tesco frequenting is...neutering.

I don't want a neuter,I want a man (and most women do, whatever they say.)

I value dh's ability to dig a ditch or saw some wood far more highly than I do his ability to soothe a baby or purchase milk.

Well I had about 14 people peering up my fanjo and only DH with me, next to my head chatting.

I would have felt very lonely if he hadn't have been there. He didn't want to watch the baby coming out (frankly he'd not have got into the crush) but he did want to support me.

Are us girls allowed to say having a baby put us off sex?

I can't remember emasculating my husband by giving birth, but when I have time, I'll check.

I can dig ditches and saw wood
(mind you so can DH )

How does being able to soothe a baby and buy tampax stop him digging a ditch though?

Thankfully I didn't have to choose Moondog, you can have both types in a well rounded man.

Mine is great hulking rugby player of the Aussie Bloke species.

He can also soothe a baby and we both rather enjoyed perineal massage .

His was the first face DS saw, the first hands on him. Wouldn't have changed that for anything.

Well my dh gave me presents for each birth - presents I will one day give to each respective child. According to some of you, just having the baby alone should be gift enough.

I see nothing wrong with a woman wanting to give her partner a present as a thank you for helping her at her birth. It isn't something I would have thought of - I'm afraid I rather demanded that dh be present - but I can't see that it is inappropriate. Attending someone during labour can be excessively stressful and upsetting, especially if the attendant is in love with the woman labouring. Of course, the woman has no choice but to be there, but maybe that is partly her reasoning: she had to be there, but physically, her partner did not.

Thanks wahwah It was pretty shocking to be honest and my poor midwife didn't know what the heck was going on lol
Moondog: My hubby wouldn't be seen dead buying tampax...but he was an incredibly strong, quiet presence during my labours, which made me feel very safe, and he was the one to help deliver my son when the midwife was looking on in amazement

DH bought me really random presents that I had whinged I wanted throughout pregnancy... forgotten what it was with DD1, but for DS I got HUGE wine glasses, and for DD2 a teapot

Moondog - I think we'll have to agree to disagree - long gone are the times when the man hunts for tea and chops down trees.

I know my DH would agree with me - he's really happy that he's been with me and our children every step of the way, in fact he feels sorry for those of his friends who opted out of the birth of their dc's, and of the general nurturing of their children.

And also, it's not my dh who brings the tampax, it's the Asda delivery man - now that must be emasculating

actually I don't need a man to do the practical "bloke" stuff - I need a man that can do the chld rearing (think DH and I were born in the wrong bodies )