to be shocked by how much childcare some grandparents do?

[Undercovamutha]

I know a number of grandparents of kids from the local school, who look after their grandchildren from 7/8am - 6/7pm EVERY weekday whilst the kids parents are at work - (not only just outside school hours but also pre-school siblings), and then often look after them on the weekend so the parents can go shopping/have a 'well-earned' night out/have a sunday lie-in! Often these same grandparents also comment on the fact that they do the grandkids washing, help them with homework, take them to parties in the evening etc etc.
I just can't believe that these parents, IMHO, can take the piss so much, or how the grandparents let them get away with it.
AIBU? Is it in fact a lovely 'gift' for the grandparents to spend so much time with their grandchildren?
It could be I'm just jealous!

cycling christ what a palaver over granny watching the weans

some wild assumptions going on here like the wee brittle boned emotionally timorous granny too scared to say no to forthright parents

halfcut, love no matter what you think it's not a load of bollocks.
Think about it, if everyone had to pay the going rate for childcare, many many people would not be able to afford to work and / or have a decent lifestyle. The government would either have to address low pay or high childcare costs or vastly increase the amount of tax credits it forks out.
Think about it, it makes perfect sense.

I do think that it often leads to family rift as GPs with more than one child will often do different amount of childcare and help out for different children.

I think money - time - siblings - childcare a recipe for resentment and falling out within families.

On the Spanish front - my family are Spanish, it is normal for GPs to do the childcare while the women work, plenty of them complain how they are having to bring up children twice and are knackered. These GPs did not work when they were bringing up their own kids, yes their mothers did help out but they were SAHMs.

There is one girl in my sons class, in year 3 and I have never seen the Mum or Dad pick up or drop off, it's always the Grandma, 70 plus. She does have a Mum and Dad and they may have been when I was not there, but you'd think they'd come at least once a term, their job can't be that busy/important, can it?

I know two families where the grandparents looked after them all the time when they were small, and they now/will have their parents looking after their children. I think it's a bit strange but different families work in different ways.

I'm a SAHM and my mum has just started having my two from 9 - 12 one morning a week and I'm really grateful. She keeps moaning at me for using the time to do the cleaning, she wants me to have a rest. She does it because she loves me

So I should stop looking after my Grandchildren then and let my daughter pay someone else to do it ..sorry doesn't make sense to me

some of you are right nebby to notice other folk childcare so much,and the frequency of parental collections etc

here a wee tip watch your own children and not someone else

My mum looks after our DS's pretty much 8-30 - 5.30 during the week. Takes them to school, clubs etc. And she will also babysit on weekends and evenings for us fairly regularly.

She's very fit and active and she offered to do it, so that I could return to work full time. Having my mum do the childcare is the next best thing to me doing it and as we need two incomes at the moment it really helps us. My mum loves doing it and feels she's a much better grand parent than parent as she's got more time and patience. We do pay her and although I don't expect her to do housework etc, she does. If the DS's are busy playing she'd rather put some washing on than sit in front of TV, as that's what she's like.

I do know how lucky I am I and really appreciate everything she does. while she thinks it lovely to be so involved in our and DS's lives. So we both win. My DS's also love my GP's and love spending time with them. She knows that DH and I work really hard, so she offers to babysit so we can go out together sometimes.

I always make sure to take time off work, when I can, if there's a special school event or if DS's are ill etc. I also encourage my parents to take days off and holidays etc so my mum gets a break from time to time and also,so that I can enjoy doing the normal mum role too.

It is an unwritten agreement that when my parents get really old, DH and I will look after them for as long as possible, rather than stick them in a home. We see it as an extended family working to help each other when it's needed.

It works well for us and it had never occurred to me that anyone would think it was anything other than a good thing.

While I do appreciate that expecting your parents to bring up DC instead of you would be taking advantage, where should the line be drawn?

Great to be in such a nice position that you dont need the help eh OP?

My parents will be looking after my son roughly the times you are talking about if i can get myself a job.

I will need childcare. I trust them more than anyone with him. They would prefere to have him. Stop judging. You dont know the circumstance, the people or their views and feelings.

my mum looks after mine.. i think she'd prefer to do less, though likes children enough to do some & enjoy it..

but that's the breaks...for vrious reasons.

she wouldn't if it really was a problem...

i think it is appropriate for me to appreciate this very much, not that it is wholly wrong to ask.

My parents have my children for 5 weeks of the year; that is every half term and two weeks in the summer. I can get loads of work stuff done during those times so I can work shorter hours when the kids are at home.

My parents love having them, and they rarely see them at other times because they live so far away. I could make other arrangements for childcare, but my parents really want to see the children, and the children really want to see them.

I hope to do the same with my grandchildren (if I am lucky enough to get any!); I expect I will still be working when they are born, as I had children young. But I would like to book my holidays to match theirs so I could spend time with them, if that is what my children and their future partners wanted.

My SIL is a SAHM and her Mum looks after SIL's children a lot. My MIL works full time, but she often has SIL's children for the whole weekend, and it seems to make everyone involved happy.

It is all just up to individual families to work out what they think works best.

I don't think YABU in being shocked but it is all presumably with the GP consent. My mum babysits about once every 2 months. She would love to be more involved but lived over an hour away and works FT. I must say even if she lived closer I wouldn't expect her to look after my 2 for more than a few hours a week as I don't think she would cope. I am always quite of anyone who gets regular help as apart from the babysitting I don't have any other help. But you know it can be a double edged sword. A friend of mine has what appears to be the perfect set up with her in laws taking over at 7AM twice a week so she just has to get herself ready and to work whilst they deal with her DSs. However, her relationship with MIL is not great. The MIL uses the DCs as pawns in their arguments, she often does things against my friends wishes and frequently threatens to not turn up and therefore leave my friend stranded. Not nice at all. She's stuck in this situation as breaking it up would cause more problems than its worth. You also have to remember that the cost of childcare may be too much for some parents which means this is the only way they can keep a roof over their head.

Forgot to add. As long as the parents and GP are happy it can't be a bad thing. I would much prefer my parents to be taking care of my DCs than a stranger.

ah good to see strangers watching the children getting a heads up. a mn perennial

Unfortunatly there are people who do take the pee with the demands they put on their own parents. And for whatever deluded reason some GPs are too scared to say no - perhaps because they've always pandered to their own children?

If it's mutually agreed and everyone is really happy then it great that families get to have a fulfilling relationship.

One of my staff (I'll call her Mary) cut her hours to look after her first (planned) GS for 3 days a week, not because she wanted to, but becuase her daughter (I'll call her Lucy) said that Mary was the only person she would trust to look after her DS and Lucy and her DH would have to sell their house and move to a poorer area if they didn't have her wage to pay the mortgage

Well Mary cut her hours and looked after her GS whilst Lucy went back to work. Then once Lucy had been back at work long enough to qualify for full Maternity Pay she got pregnant again.

This wouldn't be too bad except that Lucy has now planned and had 2 DCs knowing full well that unless Mary looked after them for free she would not be able to afford the v.expensive house they live in. Mary has to catch two buses each day to get to Lucy's house because Lucy likes the DCs to be in their own home , she has to provide her own food and she also looks after the GCs every weekend too - "to give Lucy a break".

Part of me thinks that Lucy needs a good slapping but then Mary topped it today by telling me that she hadn't had the DCs last weekend because she'd been to help her son move house (he lives about 150 miles away) and had spent the weekend sleeping on the floor becuase her DS works hard and needed a proper sleep in his own bed .

FGS some people just set themselves up to be doormats . I really want to tell her to just a grip and tell her kids to take some responsibility.

Yeah but SM if grandparents look after their DGCs thats wrong too apparently ..can't do right on here [rolls old knackered eyes]

Err actually I like pandering to my own children ..some of us can't afford staff

well yes as i said earlier cant win

criticised for using nursery (reprobatesstrangers watching children)
poor ole tired ole granny heartless parents workin her like a dog

halfcut surely there's a difference between helping your children and letting them walk all over you?

With that level of a sense of entitlement what happens when the GPs are eventually too old and infirm and need help themselves?

How do you know the mother is at work? One of my dd's friends has been adopted by her grandmother after her own mother died, if you didn't know, you'd just assume mother was at work.

I would do anything for my children no matter how old I am ..thats just me though you might feel differently thats up to you ..I would never ever see it as walking all over me they are my children for life ..if I can help them I will ..my choice

My parents look after my large brood of children while me and DP work and have done for many, many years (although I've only just gone FT when my youngest went to school.

I don't pay them-although I have tried, tried and tried but they will not take anything.They also do chores like ironing etc-despite being told not to!!

My parents say they love looking after my children and say that it means the world to them. I never have to worry about childcare issues,we regularly offer to pay for holiday clubs to be met with horrified "no's !!!" from kids and GPS-(including my teens who still love hanging out with their GPs and really appreciate them.

I am an only child myself and my parents were unable to have any more children than me, and say they love looking after my lot.

Believe me, I know how very very very lucky I am, I love and appreciate what they do for us so cannot see why anyone would have any problem with our arrangement.

We're just lucky to have such a lovely and close family, and in the future, as my parents get older, me and my children will hopefully look after and help them in turn.

I can't wait to be a gran and look after my grandkids someday!

Maybe it's because we're not English (?) but nobody in my family has ever had or wanted one of those Terry and June retirements where they just sit about drinking G&Ts and taking up hobbies to kill time. We've all always mucked in and looked after each other's kids as much as possible. Both sets of my grandparents happily did shedloads of childcare, my mum does loads for me, my dad lives abroad but when he's visiting I could literally have 24/7 childcare from him if I wanted. All my aunts and uncles help out with their grandkids as much as possible.

Grandparents who spend 8 hours a year looking after their children's children? Much weirder in my books.

My mum looked after dd for 1 day a week when I went back to work. (8 - 5)
She now looks after ds from 8 - 3.30 one day. I changed my work hours as ds is very hard work and I felt that at 68, my mum could do with soem kind of rest. My mum always wants to treat her gc the same (and indeed her children)

One other day she does the school run for me.

I am very grateful for her time and efforts she gives me and her gc. Sometimes she will do my ironing when dc is asleep and I am at work.

She is fab.

I am expecting dc3, and god willing, my mum will be able to help in some way as I know she would like to do so and be close to all her gc.

Inlaws do nothing. They do live some distance away but have never offered, nor would they if they lived closer. Then they wonder why gc are closer to my mum...

Can I just re-state that I:
a) Wasn't criticising people for working (I work myself).
b) Wasn't criticising people for having their parents mind their children so they could work (my parents may potentially help me out with the school run in the future - fingers crossed!).
c) Wasn't saying that GPs who help are doormats.
d) Am not against GP involvement (my parents have DD to stay in holidays, and babysit a few times a year).

I was just saying that I found it a bit shocking that after a full week of childcare, some GPs spend the weekend babysitting. That's it. If you think that is BU, then that's fine. I asked cos I wanted to know!!!

BTW MeltedChocolate - you don't KNOW my personal circumstances. And I am talking about weekday AND weekend support.