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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go on holiday 3 months after baby is due?

105 replies

Chorlton1975 · 02/11/2009 23:28

New user here. Hello all.

My wife is due to give birth to our first child at the end of next May. I would like to enter a week-long sailing competition in Cornwall at the end of August. My idea was wife plus baby plus me plus boat going to cornwall. each day would involve me disappearing until maybe 3pm or so. I was assuming she'd be happy enough pottering around or sitting on the beach during this time, but no. She says I'm being unreasonable in wanting to plan this for so "soon" after the birth. Am I?

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/11/2009 23:31

YABU

You do not know how things will be after the arrival of your baby

yy it may be a holiday for YOU but your wife? I think not

daisydotandgertie · 02/11/2009 23:34

Yes, I'm afraid you are.

What is she supposed to do with herself during the day? If it's raining? If it's boiling hot? And while you're having a post race drink and discussion?

And if there's no wind and you're not finished by 3? And when something breaks and you have to fix it for the next race?

It'll not be much fun for anyone except you I think.

trixymalixy · 02/11/2009 23:35

YABU, your first child is a huge change to your life. For me and all my friends it was so so so much harder than we thought it would be.

Your wife is being sensible not wanting to commit to anything so soon after the birth.

Plus it's not exactly a holiday for her being left holding the baby while you do your thing.

Northernlurker · 02/11/2009 23:39

Ok Chorlton you're just not thinking this through:

Your wife is currently getting used to the idea that in 7 months time a whole person will be making their way out of her body in a process notorious for being bloody, exhausting and painful. The said person will then be entirely your responsibilities to keep safe from lions, feed, nurture and ensure that they don't not grow up to be an axe murderer or Daily Mail reader and you're wondering why she isn't bouncing with excitement at being left alone with said baby whilst you go off and do something you like doing as if nothing has changed.....

Holidays with young babies can be fun, Cornwall in August is hell no doubt would be smashing. A husband merrily going off sailing whilst you try to amuse a baby and yourself is not fun or a smashing idea.

Just be told and go and apologise then make vague sumer plans that involve you all as a family unit. I'm sure you are excited about the baby and want to be a good father - well your wife is excited too but she's also very hormonal and vulnerable and your boat plan is not going to float (pun intended!)

macdoodle · 02/11/2009 23:39

Pottering on the beach with a 3 month old (possibly younger) possibly BF, you are not only BU, but are slightly mad!

MintChocAddict · 02/11/2009 23:41

I think YABU to want to plan a holiday that is essentially about you.

I think YANBU to want a holiday. We took DS on holiday a few months after he was born and had a fantastic time. However DH and I shared the baby duties equally and gave each other some time away to chill out / read magazines etc and enjoyed spending time with DS together.

Perhaps if you had suggested a relaxing break for the three of you instead of a boys outing for you it might have been received a bit better!

Northernlurker · 02/11/2009 23:41

Absolutely Macdoodle - hot sun, gritty sand, cold water, strong winds, glare, lots of people running and shouting, getting a numb bum from sitting on the sand - yup a beach is about as far as baby breastfeeding nirvana as it's possible to be!

Original poster
Chorlton1975 · 02/11/2009 23:43

Christ, tough audience!

OP posts:
moondog · 02/11/2009 23:43

God, good thing we got to him and avoided pssible divorce.
Chorlton, you're an utter idiot.

MintChocAddict · 02/11/2009 23:44

Well you did ask.....

MadameDefarge · 02/11/2009 23:44

Are you sure you don't want to be a Lone Parent? Or to go on an Extended holiday?

Crocky · 02/11/2009 23:49

How many of us would you like to say yabu before you realise the truth in what we say?

Northernlurker · 02/11/2009 23:49

Hey we're lovely mostly - just not so much to misguided fathers to be.

Did you really think we were going to say 'Oh yes Chorlton, go on the boat, the baby doesn't change anything'?

ToffeeMuser · 02/11/2009 23:51

I don't normally post on AIBU. But oh my god. Surely you're not serious? No, no, wait. Go on your holiday. Absolutely. Then let her go spend a week in New York drinking cocktails and dancing. She'll leave you some bottles of milk, it'll be fine. You can do it.

choosyfloosy · 02/11/2009 23:52

I came on this thread thinking YANBU at all, 3 months is actually a good time to go on holiday with a baby, as above, and especially a UK break.

But a holiday involving you heading off for most of the day and leaving your DW to try to do all the babycare as at home, without any of the facilities...? Not so much.

However, I do also think that it sounds like an incredible break for you as a new father. I would have been receptive to the possibility of my dh going on this holiday solo, with SERIOUS help parachuted in to the house for me and dc for that week (whatever your DW wants most - maybe her mother? professional maternity nurse?) plus a similar week for me as soon as breastfeeding was over, to go and do wild outdoors things on my own leaving dh with the baby and any help he wanted. That's quite a cool idea tbh.

Congratulations by the way!

Original poster
Chorlton1975 · 02/11/2009 23:54

You are all right. I realise the error of my ways. It could be raining; a beach could be pretty unpleasant for wife and new baby - hot, gritty, noisy etc.

It's probably better if she stops at home.

OP posts:
hatwoman · 02/11/2009 23:58

apologies if I repeat (haven't read the thread) but when your baby comes you will understand that "pottering around or sitting on the beach" as a leisure activity will be something that belongs to a past life.

it's not a holiday per se that's unreasonable it's the idea that dw can spend every single day of that "holiday" single handedly looking after baby til 3 pm while you get to sail. a couple of days sailing for a couple of hours with a quid pro quo for dw? maybe. but a week's sailing very day? sorry but no way.

MadameDefarge · 03/11/2009 00:00

Oh, piss off Chorlton or whoever you are...sure, it would best if she stays at home while you go and do your thang...a good attempt at a wind up, but we are not stupid.

hatwoman · 03/11/2009 00:02

but agree with choosyfloosy's idea too.

MadameDefarge · 03/11/2009 00:04

Oh come on ladies, yet another brand new bloke on MN asking really stupid questions? and then posting provocative replies?

MadameDefarge · 03/11/2009 00:06

Ok. You are either Extended/Loneparent or another troll or just a total wanker to think about leaving your wife and newborn to go and play with your toys all day and everyday.

Either way, bog off.

Northernlurker · 03/11/2009 00:07

I though the first post was quite amusingly thick - yachting types pining for Cornwall aren't necessarily known for being sensitive but the most recent post is very disappointing.

Chorlton for example is a twat.

choosyfloosy · 03/11/2009 00:07

thing is madame, i take people at face value, why not? it doesn't hurt me to do so, whereas being suspicious of everyone does. I'm not bright enough to be suspicious most of the time. [dim bulb emoticon]

MadameDefarge · 03/11/2009 00:09

I try to also choosy, but sadly there have been a plethora of such posts recently. If his comeback had been, damn, I have been a bit of an idiot, might well have bought into it. But it was the inflammatory "leave her at home" that was a giveaway.

hatwoman · 03/11/2009 00:16

I hadn't seen the leave her at home when I posted. maybe you're right.